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Clips from Seinfeld - The Pitch (S04E04)

"I can't live like this. I'm being stalked."
Seinfeld
"Mr. Seinfeld. They're ready for you."
Seinfeld
"All right. You promised."
Seinfeld
"You ever try to sleep in a hot room?"
Seinfeld
"You- You- You can't live without being a banker."
Seinfeld
"Story is the foundation of all entertainment."
Seinfeld
"- ... why tune in? - Wouldn't tune in."
Seinfeld
"We like to look at a show as if it were an EKG."
Seinfeld
"Is that what I said, no story? Because Jerry had to tell me later."
Seinfeld
"And then what happened?"
Seinfeld
"My friend's going to die."
Seinfeld
"- Let's have business. - This is business."
Seinfeld
"You see, it had been his lifelong dream to be a banker, and he-"
Seinfeld
"...so I was- I was a little concerned. I wanted to see how he was doing."
Seinfeld
"A close friend."
Seinfeld
"An innocent person who wanted nothing more out of life than to love..."
Seinfeld
"...to be loved and to be a banker."
Seinfeld
"No, sir, he did not."
Seinfeld
"How are we gonna do that?"
Seinfeld
"- Hey! Congratulations. - Thanks."
Seinfeld
"I don't know. He- He went off on some thing about pyjamas."
Seinfeld
"So maybe we could get together this weekend."
Seinfeld
"That's insulting. Ted Danson makes $800,000 an episode."
Seinfeld
"- Would you stop with the Ted Danson? - Well, he does."
Seinfeld
"- Why him? Why not me? - He's good. You're not."
Seinfeld
"Excuse me, officer."
Seinfeld
"If you could just walk me outside and wait till I get into a cab."
Seinfeld
"No."
Seinfeld
"- You know, a muffin can be very filling. - I know."
Seinfeld
"Would you please tell the court, in your own words..."
Seinfeld
"Whose words are they gonna be?"
Seinfeld
"- All right. - Okay."
Seinfeld
"Well, my father, when I was a kid..."
Seinfeld
"I don't know."
Seinfeld
"Isn't that true?"
Seinfeld
"And then, on the afternoon of September 1 Oth..."
Seinfeld
"I'm afraid I'm gonna have to call-"
Seinfeld
"All right, I don't."
Seinfeld
"What is he doing?"
Seinfeld
"I think he's getting coffee."
Seinfeld
"What's with this guy?"
Seinfeld
"Did you just order coffee?"
Seinfeld
"...waiting for you to finish for 20 minutes."
Seinfeld
"- I've got witnesses. - I saw the whole thing."
Seinfeld
"Oh, like you know."
Seinfeld
"I felt bad for the instructor."
Seinfeld
"He's going to traffic school, anyway."
Seinfeld
"And you better hurry. You really need it."
Seinfeld
"Five people drive all around you..."
Seinfeld
"You're on your way to Vegas. There isn't a car in sight."
Seinfeld
"Parents like to drag kids to historical sights."
Seinfeld
"I remember going to Colonial Williamsburg..."
Seinfeld
"...and you see the supposedly authentic blacksmith there."
Seinfeld
"My parents took me to the Amish country, which to a kid..."
Seinfeld
"...to see a bunch of people that have no cars, no TV, no phone..."
Seinfeld
"So it's the whole community that's been grounded."
Seinfeld
"You are Amish, young man."
Seinfeld
"Don't come down till you make some noodles and raise a barn."
Seinfeld
"They have a guide. He takes you..."
Seinfeld
"- Gotta go. - Have a good set."
Seinfeld
"What did they do for toilet paper in the Civil War?"
Seinfeld
"Wonder what toilet paper was like in the 1860s."
Seinfeld
"Did they-? Did they carry it in rolls in their duffel bags?"
Seinfeld
"Everything with you comes down to toilet paper."
Seinfeld
"- What? - That's always..."
Seinfeld
"...the first question with you. Why is that always your focus?"
Seinfeld
"Maybe they gave out big loose clumps to all the soldiers."
Seinfeld
"It would be nice if there was some sort of historical record of it."
Seinfeld
"So we could see all the toilet-paper advancements through the ages."
Seinfeld
"Toilet paper during the Crusades."
Seinfeld
"The development of the perforation. The first six-pack."
Seinfeld
"Excuse me, Jerry."
Seinfeld
"I'm Stu Schirmack. I'm from NBC."
Seinfeld
"- Could we speak for a few moments? - Sure."
Seinfeld
"I'm unbelievable at spelling last names."
Seinfeld
"All right. All right."
Seinfeld
"First of all..."
Seinfeld
"- Thank you very much. - And-"
Seinfeld
"I just wanted to let you know that we've been discussing you..."
Seinfeld
"...at some of our meetings, and we'd be very interested in doing something."
Seinfeld
"- Really? - So if you had an idea for, like..."
Seinfeld
"...a TV show for yourself, well, we'd just love to talk about it."
Seinfeld
"I'd be very interested in that."
Seinfeld
"Well, here."
Seinfeld
"Why don't you give us a call, and maybe we can develop a series."
Seinfeld
"- It was very nice meeting you. - Thank you."
Seinfeld
"- Nice meeting you. - Nice meeting you."
Seinfeld
"- What was that all about? - They said they were interested in me."
Seinfeld
"- For what? - You know, TV show."
Seinfeld
"- Your own show? - Yeah, I guess so."
Seinfeld
"They want you to do a TV show?"
Seinfeld
"Come on. How hard is that? Look at all the junk that's on TV."
Seinfeld
"You want an idea? Here's an idea."
Seinfeld
"You coach a gymnastics team in high school, and you're married."
Seinfeld
"Your son is not interested in gymnastics, and you're pushing him."
Seinfeld
"Why should I care if my son's into gymnastics?"
Seinfeld
"- You're the teacher. It's only natural. - But gymnastics is not for everybody."
Seinfeld
"- I know, but he's your son. - So what?"
Seinfeld
"All right, forget that idea."
Seinfeld
"It's not for you."
Seinfeld
"Okay, okay. I got it."
Seinfeld
"You run an antique store."
Seinfeld
"- Yeah. And? - And people come into the store..."
Seinfeld
"What person who runs an antique store gets involved in people's lives?"
Seinfeld
"...to buy an old lamp, and suddenly I'm getting them out of a jam."
Seinfeld
"I could see if I was a pharmacist."
Seinfeld
"A pharmacist knows what's wrong with everybody."
Seinfeld
"Antiques are very popular right now."
Seinfeld
"And you're the manager of the circus."
Seinfeld
"A woman with a moustache."
Seinfeld
"Who wouldn't tune in to see a woman with a moustache?"
Seinfeld
"- I don't think so. - Look..."
Seinfeld
"...the show isn't about the circus. It's about watching freaks."
Seinfeld
"I don't think the network would go for it."
Seinfeld
"- Why not? - I'm not pitching a show about freaks."
Seinfeld
"This is a can't miss."
Seinfeld
"- Kramer. - Hello, Newman."
Seinfeld
"Okay. I'll be back in a second. You guys coming to my party?"
Seinfeld
"- What's this about? - We're making a trade."
Seinfeld
"- I didn't know you have a motorcycle. - Well, my girlfriend had one."
Seinfeld
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