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Clips from Married with Children - Here's Looking at You, Kid (S03E03)

I figure this is an open-and-shut case.

"I figure this is an open-and-shut case."

Married with Children

A lawyer takes 30 percent.

"A lawyer takes 30 percent."

Married with Children

That leaves us only 700 grand to split.

"That leaves us only 700 grand to split."

Married with Children

After taxes, we get squat.

"After taxes, we get squat."

Married with Children

Where's everybody going?

"Where's everybody going?"

Married with Children

This court is now in session.

"This court is now in session."

Married with Children

We will be hearing

"We will be hearing"

Married with Children

Rhoades and Bundy v. The Hop-On Inn.

"Rhoades and Bundy v. The Hop-On Inn."

Married with Children

We will now hear opening statements.

"We will now hear opening statements."

Married with Children

Hello, everyone.

"Hello, everyone."

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went to the Hop-On Inn

"went to the Hop-On Inn"

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to indulge in a little clean marital fun...

"to indulge in a little clean marital fun..."

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On separate occasions, of course.

"On separate occasions, of course."

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During the course of our wholesome bliss,

"During the course of our wholesome bliss,"

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the reaffirmation of the love we share,

"the reaffirmation of the love we share,"

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and whatever the Bundys were doing...

"and whatever the Bundys were doing..."

Married with Children

our conjugal privacy was invaded.

"our conjugal privacy was invaded."

Married with Children

Yes, we were violated by video cameras.

"Yes, we were violated by video cameras."

Married with Children

But first,

"But first,"

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I think you should hear some background

"I think you should hear some background"

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that I believe is germane to this case.

"that I believe is germane to this case."

Married with Children

My grandfather came to this country a poor man...

"My grandfather came to this country a poor man..."

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And in World War II,

"And in World War II,"

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my uncle Nick

"my uncle Nick"

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than six armor divisions...

"than six armor divisions..."

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[***]

"[***]"

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Then they tape us having sex.

"Then they tape us having sex."

Married with Children

Uh, Your Honor?

"Uh, Your Honor?"

Married with Children

Thank you.

"Thank you."

Married with Children

You're welcome.

"You're welcome."

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Ms. Weigel,

"Ms. Weigel,"

Married with Children

would you care to make an opening statement?

"would you care to make an opening statement?"

Married with Children

The defense passes for the moment, Your Honor.

"The defense passes for the moment, Your Honor."

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JUDGE: Mr. Rhoades,

"JUDGE: Mr. Rhoades,"

Married with Children

you may call your first witness.

"you may call your first witness."

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my only witnesses are...

"my only witnesses are..."

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Steve, you have the tapes?

"Steve, you have the tapes?"

Married with Children

You're not gonna show those.

"You're not gonna show those."

Married with Children

A million dollars, Marcie.

"A million dollars, Marcie."

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Doesn't my honor mean more to you

"Doesn't my honor mean more to you"

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than a million dollars?

"than a million dollars?"

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Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, exhibit A.

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, exhibit A."

Married with Children

[APPLAUSE]

"[APPLAUSE]"

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Oh, thank you.

"Oh, thank you."

Married with Children

Honestly, it was nothing.

"Honestly, it was nothing."

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The subpoenaed tape of Mr. and Mrs. Bundy...

"The subpoenaed tape of Mr. and Mrs. Bundy..."

Married with Children

And the end.

"And the end."

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And so,

"And so,"

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I'm sure it's obvious

"I'm sure it's obvious"

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Mrs. Rhoades...

"Mrs. Rhoades..."

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had you ever been to the Hop-On Inn

"had you ever been to the Hop-On Inn"

Married with Children

before the evening in question?

"before the evening in question?"

Married with Children

I said, once or twice.

"I said, once or twice."

Married with Children

Thirty or 40 times.

"Thirty or 40 times."

Married with Children

Mrs. Rhoades, are you wearing underwear?

"Mrs. Rhoades, are you wearing underwear?"

Married with Children

Two pairs.

"Two pairs."

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And are they both crotchless?

"And are they both crotchless?"

Married with Children

Yes, damn you.

"Yes, damn you."

Married with Children

I ask you, does this woman,

"I ask you, does this woman,"

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the same woman you witnessed on that tape,

"the same woman you witnessed on that tape,"

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look like a woman who has been wronged

"look like a woman who has been wronged"

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by anyone but her husband?

"by anyone but her husband?"

Married with Children

I object.

"I object."

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Sure, when she picks on you.

"Sure, when she picks on you."

Married with Children

Where were you during the underwear examination?

"Where were you during the underwear examination?"

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Mrs. Rhoades,

"Mrs. Rhoades,"

Married with Children

you were not one bit deceived.

"you were not one bit deceived."

Married with Children

You knew that camera was there all along.

"You knew that camera was there all along."

Married with Children

What kind of a woman do you think I am?

"What kind of a woman do you think I am?"

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Let's just see, shall we?

"Let's just see, shall we?"

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[GASPS] No!

"[GASPS] No!"

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Thank you, Mrs. Rhoades.

"Thank you, Mrs. Rhoades."

Married with Children

Get out of my sight, you make me sick.

"Get out of my sight, you make me sick."

Married with Children

Mr. Al Bundy.

"Mr. Al Bundy."

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didn't you, Al?

"didn't you, Al?"

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Mr. Bundy, on what grounds are you suing?

"Mr. Bundy, on what grounds are you suing?"

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Um...

"Um..."

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she told me she'd give me $5000.

"she told me she'd give me $5000."

Married with Children

Then there's that outrage thing.

"Then there's that outrage thing."

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Mr. Bundy,

"Mr. Bundy,"

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let's once again view that arousing performance

"let's once again view that arousing performance"

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you claim that my client is capitalizing on.

"you claim that my client is capitalizing on."

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All right, I'm feeling relaxed here,

"All right, I'm feeling relaxed here,"

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and I'm breathing good.

"and I'm breathing good."

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There's the foreplay.

"There's the foreplay."

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I'd now like to call Mrs. Bundy.

"I'd now like to call Mrs. Bundy."

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Mrs. Bundy,

"Mrs. Bundy,"

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did you have sex with your husband

"did you have sex with your husband"

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at the Hop-On Inn?

"at the Hop-On Inn?"

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Yes.

"Yes."

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Mrs. Bundy, may I remind you

"Mrs. Bundy, may I remind you"

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that the penalty for perjury

"that the penalty for perjury"

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is seven years in prison,

"is seven years in prison,"

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where, I assure you, you will have sex.

"where, I assure you, you will have sex."

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And just because you all have husbands

"And just because you all have husbands"

Married with Children

that can last long enough to time an egg,

"that can last long enough to time an egg,"

Married with Children

doesn't mean that what Al does doesn't count.

"doesn't mean that what Al does doesn't count."

Married with Children

You may step down.

"You may step down."

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Is a crumb not a banquet for a starving person?

"Is a crumb not a banquet for a starving person?"

Married with Children

You may step down.

"You may step down."

Married with Children

Please, step down.

"Please, step down."

Married with Children

You can't do this to Al!

"You can't do this to Al!"

Married with Children

Remove this woman.

"Remove this woman."

Married with Children

He'll lose what little confidence

"He'll lose what little confidence"

Married with Children

he already has.

"he already has."

Married with Children

You were great, baby.

"You were great, baby."

Married with Children

Don't give up.

"Don't give up."

Married with Children

You are much man!

"You are much man!"

Married with Children

[WAILS] Oh, God!

"[WAILS] Oh, God!"

Married with Children

Has the jury reached a verdict?

"Has the jury reached a verdict?"

Married with Children

Yes, we have, Your Honor.

"Yes, we have, Your Honor."

Married with Children

We, the jury, award punitive damages of $10,000

"We, the jury, award punitive damages of $10,000"

Married with Children

to Mr. and Mrs. Rhoades

"to Mr. and Mrs. Rhoades"

Married with Children

on the grounds that their privacy

"on the grounds that their privacy"

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no sex, no money.

"no sex, no money."

Married with Children

This court is now adjourned.

"This court is now adjourned."

Married with Children

Well, Al,

"Well, Al,"

Married with Children

when we rifled his pants last night,

"when we rifled his pants last night,"

Married with Children

Ah, don't worry about it.

"Ah, don't worry about it."

Married with Children

to go out and buy himself something

"to go out and buy himself something"

Married with Children

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