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Clips from Married with Children - Here's Looking at You, Kid (S03E03)

"Mom, how are we gonna get money?"
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"The way I figure it,"
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"with Dr. Sandy and viewer mail."
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"a.k.a. Peggy Pundy."
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"[TOILET FLUSHES]"
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"You'll like it."
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"Learn to live without."
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"I want sex."
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"Sit down."
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"some excitement and spontaneity"
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"back into our sex life."
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"is when I leave a trail of chocolate bars"
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"You have to make sex naughty,"
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"filthy and degrading,"
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"and the way we need it."
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"I take him to this nice, little romantic motel"
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"Look, Al, I want sex."
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"Do you want to be conscious or not?"
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"They shoot air up my butt."
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"Oh, look."
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"Whoa."
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"I didn't know a human leg could do that."
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"And I definitely want that!"
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"Look at her go."
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"watching themselves?"
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"[GROANS] Oh, noooo..."
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"I can't believe they taped us."
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"And on "back to school" night."
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"[BOTH LAUGH]"
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"If they taped us, they taped you too."
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"Now everybody's gonna know."
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"[ALL CHUCKLE]"
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"is going on here."
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"Therefore, I shall open the bidding."
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"with the deep secret?"
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"on how sex with you can finally be satisfying."
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"then I'll come in."
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"Uh...or we could sue."
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"I think a million dollars is not out of the question."
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"I don't know."
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"I told you, Peg, we should've"
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"Now, trust me. I know what I'm doing."
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"We're standing for the judge, Mr. Darrow."
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"Anyhow,"
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"wiped out more Nazi dogs with venereal disease"
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"I rest my case."
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"a Mrs. Marcie Rhoades."
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"We can't hear you."
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"Need I subpoena the desk clerk, Guido?"
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"Well, I suppose that's normal."
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"I'd now like to call to the stand"
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"You did put on clean underwear today,"
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"and, uh..."
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"That's it?"
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"Is a fig leaf not clothing for the naked?"
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"Please, oh, please, don't listen to her."
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"[GAVEL CRACKS]"
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"Not bad, huh, babe?"
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"Curdle and die."
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"AL: Now, was that sex, or was that sex?"
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"[BOTH LAUGH]"
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"[***]"
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"at least we still have each other."
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"Peg, come with me."
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"Come here a minute."
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"Over here."
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"What, Al?"
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"Like this, Al?"
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"Yeah, like that."
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"That was sex, Al."
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"And you know, if we had been on tape,"
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"we would have made a million bucks."
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"ANNOUNCER [OVER TV]: We'll be back in a moment with Dr. Sandy,"
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"Channel 67's leading authority on sex and weather."
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"Dad took his wallet in the shower with him."
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"Yeah, and as we all know,"
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"we found a note in his pocket."
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"It said,"
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"Dad's playing hardball."
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"What're we gonna do, Mom?"
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"That's not his real wallet."
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"This is."
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"But won't Dad know?"
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"No, I bought a duplicate wallet,"
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"and I filled it with Xeroxed money."
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"if your dad's got the gall"
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"he deserves to go to jail."
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"ANNOUNCER: And now we're back"
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"SANDY: Our first letter is from "desperate,""
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"She writes, "Lately my husband,"
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""shows no interest in sex,"
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"Well, my dear,"
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"perhaps a change of venue would spice up your sex life."
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"Have you tried doing it in the living room?"
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"Or the kitchen."
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"And there's always the bathroom."
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"Try it, Mrs. Pundy."
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"I did."
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"Well, Peg, I'm showered and ready to go to work"
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"and edge ever closer to the grave."
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"Wish me luck."
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"Al, take me."
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"I want to have a meal on the kitchen table."
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"I did."
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"Goodbye."
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"Al, I'm serious."
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"Peg, how long have we been married?"
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"Forty, 50 years?"
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"Do we not have two children?"
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"Well, yeah."
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"Then my job is done."
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"[DOORBELL RINGS]"
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"Good morning, Al."
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"Try selling shoes."
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"Marcie, let me ask you something."
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"Have you and Steve ever, uh, done it"
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"You mean like planes, buses,"
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"the observation deck of the John Hancock building?"
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"Ahhh..."
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"Marcie,"
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