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Clips from Married with Children - Here's Looking at You, Kid (S03E03)

"I am trying to put"
Married with Children
"Actually,"
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"I'm trying to put Al back into our sex life."
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"Well, let's start with seduction."
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"What's your technique?"
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"Well, what works best"
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"from the bathroom to the bed."
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"Of course, the trick is to space them out just right"
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"so that he doesn't eat too much,"
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"or he'll doze off before he gets to me."
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"Perfectly normal,"
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"perfectly normal."
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"the way they like it,"
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"So whenever I want to put a little more..."
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"beef in Steve's jerky..."
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"out near the airport."
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"It's called the Hop-On Inn."
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"Isn't it beautiful?"
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"I think I know what's going on here."
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"The chocolates in the car, the oil on my zipper."
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"You want sex, don't you?"
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"No, I want a fur coat,"
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"but I'll take what's behind zipper number one."
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"Peg, if you scare him like this,"
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"he'll never come out."
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"Oh, come on, honey."
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"We could start with a Jacuzzi."
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"Aw, Peg, I hate Jacuzzis."
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"Well, that's a nice change of pace."
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"They left us a movie, a mood enhancer."
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"Sounds pretty romantic."
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"Well, I'm just gonna change."
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"Pop in the movie, pop in a breath mint,"
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"and let's coax the mummy out of his crypt."
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"I don't want to have sex."
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"You're my wife, for God's sake."
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"Hasn't having the kids taught you anything?"
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"Nothing good comes of it."
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"Now, sit down and watch this movie."
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"Now, isn't this fun?"
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"Oh, I want that."
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"Ew! Ooh!"
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"You know, that guy looks a little like..."
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"BOTH: Steve and Marcie!"
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"That is Steve and Marcie."
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"Wow!"
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"Ah, Peg,"
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"Ho, ho, ho, ho!"
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"we never would have brought you over here"
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"and sprung this on you."
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"I feel terrible."
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"Yeah, laugh, clowns, laugh,"
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"but here's a hot flash for you."
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"Peg, I told you"
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"we should never have sex."
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"I just know my hair was a mess,"
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"and I had on my old nightgown."
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"I never look good in pictures."
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"I know this is off the subject."
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"Don't you realize"
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"that all of our rights have been tremendously violated?"
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"We were caught in the act of--"
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""Then why is it on the menu?""
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"No!"
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"TV's for adults."
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"Don't you kids have something to do?"
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"Well, personally,"
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"I'm just killing time till I'm 18."
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"Mrs. Rhoades is blushing like a schoolgirl."
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"Everybody knows I'm a porn queen!"
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"I believe something deeply personal"
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"for the adults"
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"if the children left the room."
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"Five dollars."
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"I hear 10."
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"Any further bidding?"
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"Perhaps from the little lady"
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"Al, can't you get rid of them?"
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"All right, you little gangsters."
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"How much are we talking?"
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"Well, 50 bucks hides a lot of shame."
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"Trust her. She should know."
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"Kids..."
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"Aren't you forgetting something?"
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"BOTH: Thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Rhoades."
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"Al, what are we gonna do?"
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"Well, I don't know about you,"
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"but when the kids go to sleep, I'm looting."
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"I'm gonna sue these vermin for everything they've got."
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"I've always been a fan of physical violence."
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"How about if I go down there and break a back or two?"
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"Quiet, dear."
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"Steve has a thought"
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"So we can make some money off of this?"
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"Right, Marcie?"
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"When you go down there,"
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"and you've broken their spines"
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"and snapped their arms like little twigs,"
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"Yeah, I'll come in,"
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"with just a mere old-fashioned can opener."
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"And I'll do things to them..."
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"How much do you think we can get?"
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"A million dollars?"
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"Al, we hardly do anything together anymore."
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"Let's sue."
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"Well, Peg,"
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"It'd be kind of embarrassing."
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"A million dollars, Al."
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"Do you know what that means to you?"
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"Five thousand dollars."
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"just beat the hell out of these people."
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"It's a million dollars, Al."
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"How else are we"
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"Now, just relax and be outraged."
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"How lovely."
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"New meat."
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"The attorney for the defense."
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"Where's our lawyer?"
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"You're looking at him."
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"It's me, you idiot."
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