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Clips from Curb Your Enthusiasm - The Car Salesman (S02E02)

"'cause the guy's lying about a cashmere sweater."
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"Absolutely."
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"What kind of person lies..."
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"I do think it's a good idea for you to work with Jason."
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"You know, I love Jason."
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"- Come on, TV is a great medium. - Too much work."
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"- Too much work? You have to work. - It's a pain in the ass, I can't do it."
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"No, you need to work."
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"Why, I'm not insane. You think I'm insane?"
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"Listen, Richard Lewis wants me to manage him."
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"But I need you to be honest with me."
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"- Okay. - Is he a high-maintenance guy?"
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"- What, are you kidding? - So, his act is pretty close to..."
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"I can't believe he didn't even mention that to me."
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"Good to see you, too."
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"Tom Clark, Larry David."
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"- Nice to meet you. - Tom, sit down, man."
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"- Tom sold me my Toyota Sequoia. - Toyota of Hollywood?"
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"- Toyota of Hollywood, yeah. - You're a car dealer?"
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"- Dealer, yeah. - Really?"
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"- But I like to sell, too. - Do you?"
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"Somebody special comes in, a bigwig..."
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"- What do you drive? - I drive a Prius."
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"How does somebody become a car salesman?"
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"Do you have to have a lot of experience for that?"
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"It was in my blood, yeah. I mean, it takes years to be a car salesman."
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"You know, I always felt I could be a great salesman."
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"You gotta have the gift."
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"Besides that, I know how to manipulate people, I'm very good at it."
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"- Car salesmen are not bullshit. I mean... - No, of course, they're not."
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"To be honest with you, I like to make money."
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"If I wanted to do that for one day..."
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"- Sell cars. - Yeah."
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"Just for a day."
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"I don't think so."
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"I want to see if I can do it. I thought that I'd be great at it."
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"You can't do it, you're a writer."
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"- What do you do? - Do you know who he is?"
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"That's Larry David, he created Seinfeld."
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"Okay."
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"Come in and work for me."
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"Maybe I'll do it for two or three days. Who knows?"
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"What're you doing? What are you talking about?"
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"- What do you mean two or three days? - What do you care?"
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"- What if you're good at it? - Yeah."
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"- You'll see, okay, fine. - I'll tell you what. Come by..."
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"get some brochures, you know where we are."
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"I'll get the brochures, I'll study up..."
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"and I'll learn everything, don't worry about it."
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"I really appreciate this, it's like a fantasy that I have."
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"- This'll be great. Monday morning. - You got it. Great."
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"I'm pretty excited."
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"Larry just walked in, I can't wait to tell him. Okay, bye."
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"You're not gonna believe this. We can move into the house on Monday."
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"So fast?"
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"Yeah, it was a cash deal, there was no escrow."
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"So, make sure that you are clear on Monday..."
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"which I'm sure is not going to be a problem for you."
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"I actually can't do it on Monday."
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"Why?"
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"- I got a job. - You did?"
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"That's good, did you call Jason?"
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"What?"
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"I was having lunch today with a guy who owns a Toyota showroom."
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"He sold Jeff some cars and..."
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"So, now you're going to be a car salesman?"
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"- What is wrong with you? - Why? What?"
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"You've committed to this?"
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"Yeah. It's only for, like, a couple of days."
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"I have to do it on Monday. I have to show up for my first day at work."
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"That's not gonna fly."
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""Can I help you?""
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""And we have, Corolla, Canola..."
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""and Rave." Is it Rav?"
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"- This is so stupid. - Why is it stupid?"
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"Some people, they run in marathons, they want to see if they can do that."
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"Others, they swim the English Channel."
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"So, what's the big deal? Who's more insane?"
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"And then on Monday when I come home from work..."
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"to help around the house with, I'll help when I come home."
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"But I'll be a little tired, too, probably."
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"Yeah. Alan, guess what."
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"- Really? - Yeah."
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"- Say hello for me. - Okay, you take care, I'll talk to you later."
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"Man, how you doing? It's great to see you."
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"- How come you didn't say hello? - There wasn't an opening."
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"Come on, come sit down. You want water or a coffee or..."
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"What it be?"
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"So, this is good, how's everything going?"
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"and did some directing and trying to produce some stuff."
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"You know, the acting thing is, frankly, coming a little hard."
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"They all see me as George."
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"I mean, the thing about it is that you're not even close to George."
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"I tell this to people all the time."
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"- Thank you. - Nothing."
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"I know, I go in and I talk to them..."
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"and, you know, I try to present differently."
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"But they see the idiot..."
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"they see the schmuck, so, I don't know."
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"What do you mean "schmuck"? I don't get that."
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"The yutz, the idiot."
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"- You know. - No, frankly, I don't know."
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"How can you say he's a schmuck, a yutz and an idiot?"
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"I mean, of course, it was funny."
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"You know, this is the guy that never got the girl..."
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"he finally gets the girl and he kills her..."
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"That's funny, that's not schmucky."
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"What is more jerky or putzy than going to a girl's house..."
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"I went to a girl's house..."
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"and took a tape out of an answering machine."
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"I was in a contest and you know I was in it."
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"So, I'm a schmuck for being in a masturbation contest?"
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"It's not an incredibly noble experiment, was it?"
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"I'm sorry that you hate the character so much."
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"I don't hate the character, I'm a little tired of it."
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"Why am I relegated to this?"
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"Everywhere I go on the street, "Hey, Costanza!"
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""Hey, jackass!""
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"I don't know, I'll throw it out at you, okay?"
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"You played a character..."
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