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Clips from Schitt's Creek - Don't Worry, It's His Sister (S01E01)

"responsibility for anybody but myself today."
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"Yeah, and my horoscope says,"
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"why don't you go in and help your mother!"
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"And don't let her out of your sight, okay?"
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"We don't want her detonating in public!"
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"Though it is kind of fun to watch, though."
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"Not when you're the one she's trying to back over with a car."
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"What's that?"
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"- Eye cream. - From where?"
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"From Paris."
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"How did you pay for it?"
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"Oh, one of my credit cards is still working."
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"I see, and how are you gonna pay for it?"
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"Well, I know this is a bizarre concept for you, David,"
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"Okay well, tell that to the bags under my eyes, then."
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"And right after you tell your next joke,"
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"and ask what's-her-name..."
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"Stevie."
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"Where you can get a job around here! All right?"
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"I'm in the middle getting rid of an x-rated sign,"
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"before it scares off the few buyers we might actually have!"
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"Okay, I'll get on that."
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"You just need to relax, because it's not like your boyfriend left you"
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"for a Scandinavian flight attendant!"
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"What kind of name is Kika anyway?"
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"I'm the one that should be in the closet right now, not you."
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"Help me out."
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"- Help me! - Okay!"
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"- Oh, shhh! - My foot's fallen asleep."
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"Hey, shall we see what they're saying about you and Stavros?"
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"No! It's not my idea!"
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"You were a couple of doe eyed lovers"
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"aboard a trans-Atlantic airship filled with gas!"
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"You know what I think we should do?"
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"I think we should go get something to eat,"
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"- You know what I think? - What?"
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"You date pigs."
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"Oh darling, I'm only telling you because it's true!"
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"anti-depressants this morning."
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"I was hungry! But I could still eat."
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"Hi, um... question."
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"If one were to theoretically look for a job"
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"here in Schitt's Creek, where would you..."
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"suggest that that person go to look?"
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"Is there, like, a bulletin board or a pamphlet,"
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"or something with information on it?"
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"What kind of job are you looking for?"
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"Um, something in like, art curating, or trend forecasting."
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"Oh, okay... um, hmmm, let's see."
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"Not seeing anything in art curating,"
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"or trend forecasting, that's weird."
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"Okay."
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"Oh, well, that's good."
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"I don't know what that is."
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"You put groceries in bags,"
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"so that people can carry their groceries"
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"out of the grocery store."
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"Okay, and how much do you think that would pay?"
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"Mmm, I'm gonna say minimum wage."
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"Um, well, something to think about."
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"For sure, thank you."
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"I would like two apple fritters,"
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"sliver of pecan pie, large fries with gravy and bacon!"
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"Okay, so, she will have scrambled egg whites"
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"and some steamed spinach, please, thank you."
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"And some pecan pie! Onion rings, and ice cream!"
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"Actually, none of that, and I will have a tea, thank you."
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"Okay."
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"Um, Mrs. Rose, are you okay? You seem a bit..."
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"- Mm-hmm, she's fine. - I'm fine."
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"Um..."
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"Hey! Stay here, okay? Don't move!"
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"Oh wow, I'm really bored."
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"Hey, so I just wanted to be clear"
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"about what happened the other night."
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"The reason that I let you kiss me."
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"Um, you kissed me."
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"Yeah, no, I can see how that would be confusing,"
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"but I just wanted to let you know"
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"that that was just me going through some stuff."
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"Cool."
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"Um, hey!"
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"So, why do they give you table scraps?"
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"Are you, like, a poor person, or?"
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"Uh, no, but thanks for asking."
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"No, I use it to compost."
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"You know, that way nothing gets thrown out."
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"Composting?"
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"Yeah, no, I... I know composting."
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"Um, Gwyneth Paltrow does a compost gift exchange."
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"I'm gonna go."
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"Okay, great, I'm glad that we could clear this up."
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"Speak of the devil."
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"Good morning."
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"- Ray! Hi. - Hi."
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"I... I just stopped by to make an appointment"
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"to see the town council."
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"You're looking at us."
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"Yes, yes, Ray."
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"Spent a wonderful morning with Ray."
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"so I'll get to the point, it's about the town sign."
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"I told you he wouldn't let this go!"
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"Do you have a problem with that message?"
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"A major problem, Bob."
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"and as the owner of the town,"
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"I'd like to convey a better, cleaner image."
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"There's a lot of history in that sign, Johnny."
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"Schitt history."
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"That's all we need,"
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"some outsider coming in here and changing everything."
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"If it ain't broke, don't fix it!"
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"- Hello, Moira! - Hi!"
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"I'm eating egg whites,"
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"and hoping the building will collapse."
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"Anyways, I have a giant favour."
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"My class is putting on a play for the younger grades, and I just..."
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"thought that you'd be perfect,"
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"you know, to help coach the kids."
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"Because they'd be thrilled to have someone like you,"
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"an actual star... teach them?"
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