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Clips from Schitt's Creek - Don't Worry, It's His Sister (S01E01)

"Well, how does that make it any better?"
Schitt's Creek
"Ohhh!"
Schitt's Creek
"Well, I don't know how they do things where you come from,"
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"but around these parts,"
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"we don't do that sort of thing with our sisters!"
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"Roland, how is anybody driving past this sign"
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"supposed to know the woman getting banged from behind"
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"is that man's sister?!"
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"- Oh my. - Oh my! Yes, oh my!"
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"All right, Johnny, well I never really looked at it that way,"
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"but now I get it, okay,"
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"well, all right, I'll do something about it,"
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"And thank you, thank you for bringing that up to me."
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"Good."
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"Good!"
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"Well, actually, we're running out of time."
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"Forget the lines, forget the lines!"
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"Let's just be in character, shall we?"
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"Oh, could you be stiffer?!"
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"Um... Do you wanna smoke a joint?"
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"Oh Mark, you are better than this."
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"You can't let others define you."
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"Look at me!"
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"Never let the bastards get you down!"
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"- Can't say bastard! - Okay."
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"You must prepare for life,"
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"and whatever it will throw at you."
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"The opportunities will diminish,"
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"and the ass will get bigger,"
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"Especially yours."
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"You're going to have a huge ass."
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"And you, future baldy."
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"When they get mean, you tell them to go to hell!"
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"Because only you know who you are!"
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"And those cruel Internet people"
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"You will forge on!"
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"And you will find some glimmer of something to hold on to."
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"And only then will you find your way back."
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"Only then will you become once again who you are!"
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"Good, you're gettin' the hang of it."
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"is not as complicated as one might think."
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"Watch the eggs. What did I say?"
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"You said put them in a separate bag."
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"David Rose, line one."
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"Sorry, I just gotta... just one... thank you."
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"Hello?"
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"Hey, how's it going?"
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"Yeah, I can't talk right now, so."
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"Ah, they're working you hard, huh?"
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"Yeah, I can't talk, so I'm gonna hang up, bye."
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"Someone's on a health kick, huh?"
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"Okay."
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"Where were we?"
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"David Rose, line one!"
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"Hand that to you."
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"Now I'm gonna... I'm gonna go."
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"This is worse. This is much worse!"
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"- You did this? - No, I didn't do this, I tried to fix this!"
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"I know what it looks like, Alexis!"
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"I know!"
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"So, this is the town limits?"
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"Yes sir, 4,500 acres that ends right here at the town sign."
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"And it's all yours, Johnny, it must be a nice feeling,"
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"considering you don't have a lot right now."
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"You know, because of the crooked business manager."
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"You know, the money scandal..."
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"Yes, I know, I know, I know, Ray."
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"What the hell is this?!"
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"The town sign."
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"Is this the real sign, or the joke sign?"
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"What do you mean?"
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"You don't see anything wrong with this?"
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"The man!"
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"Well, he's holding on to her so she doesn't fall into the creek."
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"Look a little closer, Ray."
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"Well, it need a little sprucing up."
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"people come from all over to take a picture with it."
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"I'll bet they do!"
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"That's the mayor's family up there!"
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"The sign's been here over forty years."
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"And you wonder why this place won't sell?"
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"Oh, I think I see it now. His shoulders are too big."
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"Get in the car, Ray."
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"Moira?"
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"Boy, we've got our work cut out for us."
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"But I've seen worse."
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"It's not a problem."
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"Moira?"
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"They dare to call me irrelevant?"
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"Shag carpeting, that's irrelevant!"
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"L.A. is irrelevant..."
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"I am relevant!"
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""Good riddance," is what they said."
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"Oh, who said that, sweetheart?"
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"I don't know!"
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"They're no name commentors."
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"- Tormentors. - Are we having a bad day, honey?"
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"Anonymous."
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"That'll be fine, thank you."
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"So, that guy from the other night."
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"- He's not for me, right? - What guy?"
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"That beardy guy that I kissed at the party."
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"He's gross, right? Like, that's not a thing for me."
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"There wasn't like, a spark or anything."
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"You mean the hitchhiker that was burning meat over a garbage can?"
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"Yeah, that one."
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"Have you seen your mother today?"
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"before dragging herself into the closet."
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"And you didn't say anything?!"
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"I thought she was maybe looking for a contact or something."
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"Yeah, she googled herself again,"
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"now she's having one of her "things.""
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"How bad is it?"
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"How bad is it? A solid seven."
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"It's not an eight, which seems manageable for you."
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"Well, except I've got a few things I have to take care of,"
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"so I need you two to go in, and take..."
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"And I'm trying to sell this town."
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"So, if you kids want any chance of getting out of here,"
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"Well, my horoscope said that I shouldn't assume"
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