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Clips from Fresh Off the Boat - Pie vs. Cake (S03E03)

"Mom's the queen of returns. Watch the master at work."
Fresh Off the Boat
"And Mommy's going, "Are you saying I didn't buy them here?"
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"Are you calling me a liar?""
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"And he goes, "No."
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"I guess I can give you store credit.""
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"Then she's all, "Store credit?"
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"Mommy don't play that. Mommy plays for cash.""
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"♪ Ba ba-der-baaaa ♪"
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"Whoa. You had a receipt the whole time?"
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"Why didn't you use it?"
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"Binder it, baby."
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"That was muscle."
Fresh Off the Boat
"S03E21 Pie vs. Cake"
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"♪ Fresh off the boat ♪"
Fresh Off the Boat
"♪ I'm fresh off the boat ♪"
Fresh Off the Boat
"Private-school kids."
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"What are they doing here? They're gonna get jumped."
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"They go to school here. That's our debate team."
Fresh Off the Boat
"Debate team?"
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"It's kind of like a sports team, but instead of balls..."
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"Oh. Is there any physical contact?"
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"It's mostly reading and research."
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"Oh!"
Fresh Off the Boat
"Ooh!"
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"How did I not see that poster before?"
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"We see what we want to see."
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"_"
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"_"
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"Don't worry, son."
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"You'll score a basket on me someday."
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"Did you have to yell "Not in my house""
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"every time you blocked a shot?"
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"Well, if you keep bringing me weak sauce,"
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"I'm gonna keep rejecting it."
Fresh Off the Boat
"What's this noise?"
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"I'm entering a contest."
Fresh Off the Boat
"You create your own comic,"
Fresh Off the Boat
"and if the publisher likes it, they'll print it,"
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"and they'll give it away for free"
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"I'm gonna go get my colored pencils."
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"Enjoy working for free."
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"_"
Fresh Off the Boat
"The substitute PE teacher?"
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"We're not currently on speaking terms."
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"Garfield's wearing a Rolex."
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"Grandma Huang: Mm-hmm."
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"Oh."
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"Your piano-man scarf."
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"You found it."
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"Yeah, it was in"
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"the hurricane emergency kit"
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"[Imitates notes]"
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"[Chuckles]"
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"Here you go."
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"Oh, good!"
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"I get a chance to use my new mail-sorting system."
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"Mommy, I'd like to try out"
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"for the school debate team."
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"Absolutely not."
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"It'll take time away from your schoolwork,"
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"they'll charge us for additional supplies,"
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"and I'm not driving all over town"
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"Or..."
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"it'll look good on your transcript,"
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"it's bonus studying,"
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"and it'll be a chance to practice public-speaking skills"
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"- Mommy... did you... - Yes."
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"I debated myself."
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"Who do you think won?"
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"- Uh... - You did."
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"Because you're joining the debate team."
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"[Gasps] You tricked me, and I love it."
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"Man, we work together really well."
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"It'd be like my favorite TV show,"
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""Sister, Sister,""
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"except brothers."
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"But wait."
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"I thought you said comic books were a waste of time."
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"I've changed so much since then."
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"Come on. You draw it, I'll write it."
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"and possibly make millions."
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"nobody says "a candy bar a day keeps the doctor away.""
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"Therefore, we need apples in the school vending machines."
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"Nice opening joke, good posture,"
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"and I like how you took away the possibility"
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"of any poison-apple arguments."
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"Right."
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"Because Snow White lived..."
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"And I quote... "happily ever after.""
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"You're ready for tryouts."
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"[Gasps] One more tip..."
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"use their own words against them."
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"It traps them in a prison of their own design."
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""Own design.""
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"Evan, what did you do to my Lowenwasser?"
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"Mom, you said me and Emery"
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"You were reading a finished coloring book."
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"Ah, so he gets a pass 'cause he's a nerd."
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"Luckily, this is not a formal debate,"
Fresh Off the Boat
"What do you all want for dessert?"
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"Hector just made a pineapple right-side-up cake."
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"He's afraid to flip it."
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"One slice of key-lime pie and five spoons."
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"[Chuckles softly]"
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"Pie is superior because it is filled with nutritious fruit."
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"It is the healthiest dessert."
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"It burst out into chicken-pot, mincemeat."
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"Pi... Infinite possibilities."
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"[Light applause]"
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"[Chuckles]"
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"But cake is good..."
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"We'll have that piece of..."
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"Cake represents joy..."
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"Every important milestone in your life, cake was there."
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"And sure,"
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"some may say pie burst out,"
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"but I say pie is confused."
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"Shepherd's pie has lamb in it."
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"So, really, when you think about it,"
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"If you choose life, choose cake."
Fresh Off the Boat
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