Loading...
You're not connected to the Internet. Please check your connection.

Clips from Two and a Half Men - Twenty-five Little Pre-pubers Without a Snoot-ful (S01E01)

"And you couldn't get them out of your head."
Two and a Half Men
"Co-ed bathrooms, co-ed bathrooms"
Two and a Half Men
"Wear your flip-flops in the co-ed bathrooms"
Two and a Half Men
"And whoops! There's another pubic hair"
Two and a Half Men
"Yeah. Then Charlie could just toss in the specific notes and stuff."
Two and a Half Men
"Yeah, Charlie, what do you think?"
Two and a Half Men
"Okay, then I guess it's just the two of us."
Two and a Half Men
"- Like the old days. - Yeah. Except this time I'm not a virgin."
Two and a Half Men
"How can I put this?"
Two and a Half Men
"Your uncle Charlie is a professional musician, and your mom and dad..."
Two and a Half Men
"Suck?"
Two and a Half Men
"I think they're gonna get back together."
Two and a Half Men
"Except if my Dad moves back to Mom's house,"
Two and a Half Men
"I probably wouldn't see you anymore."
Two and a Half Men
"- You never visited before. - That's 'cause I didn't know you before."
Two and a Half Men
"That's 'cause you never visited."
Two and a Half Men
"Gin."
Two and a Half Men
"You don't think they're gonna get back together?"
Two and a Half Men
"- I didn't say that. - Do you?"
Two and a Half Men
"- Hey, what do I know? - I think they are."
Two and a Half Men
"Robert Fulton, Eli Whitney"
Two and a Half Men
"Henry Ford"
Two and a Half Men
"Charlie, we're gonna be late for rehearsal."
Two and a Half Men
"Charlie, you're taking liquor to Jake's school?"
Two and a Half Men
"I'm not gonna face all those pre-pubers without a snootful."
Two and a Half Men
"They'll have limes in the teacher's lounge, right?"
Two and a Half Men
"- Oh, God. - What?"
Two and a Half Men
"It's from Judith's lawyers."
Two and a Half Men
"Really? Good news?"
Two and a Half Men
"Man. I'm sorry."
Two and a Half Men
"What am I gonna do?"
Two and a Half Men
"Anger, grief, denial."
Two and a Half Men
"What would you do?"
Two and a Half Men
"I'd probably blow off rehearsal and start chugging from the blender."
Two and a Half Men
"But I wouldn't recommend that for an amateur."
Two and a Half Men
"I can't believe she blind-sided me like this."
Two and a Half Men
"Being so nice and friendly to my face."
Two and a Half Men
"Meanwhile her lawyers were working behind my face."
Two and a Half Men
"A woman who would do such a thing cannot be trusted."
Two and a Half Men
"Yeah, well, maybe you can use this divorce as a chance to"
Two and a Half Men
"take a little break from each other."
Two and a Half Men
"- and the boys on the other. - Sure."
Two and a Half Men
"Start splitting them up early. That's your answer for everything, isn't it?"
Two and a Half Men
"Would Mrs. Plaintiff please see Mr. Respondent in the hallway?"
Two and a Half Men
"Watch the kids, we'll be right back."
Two and a Half Men
"Wait!"
Two and a Half Men
"That means sit down."
Two and a Half Men
"Stand up."
Two and a Half Men
"Hop up and down."
Two and a Half Men
"We've been getting along because I don't feel trapped,"
Two and a Half Men
"Sure, kick me out, then work on improving yourself."
Two and a Half Men
"Stop."
Two and a Half Men
"It's like having my own robot army."
Two and a Half Men
"No, wait, where are you going?"
Two and a Half Men
"- Are we gonna do our songs? - Hey, I'm just the piano player."
Two and a Half Men
"My Fair Lady? Camelot?"
Two and a Half Men
"Aren't there any gay kids here?"
Two and a Half Men
"- They're fighting again, aren't they? - Yeah, what can I tell you."
Two and a Half Men
"Stay cool, I'll try to get them back in here."
Two and a Half Men
"Hey, everybody, Jake's in charge. So, whatever he says."
Two and a Half Men
"But I'm officially resigning as the Mayor of Booger Town."
Two and a Half Men
"You know, I have tried everything I can to make you happy."
Two and a Half Men
"I don't want to rush you or anything, but have you ever read Lord of the Flies?"
Two and a Half Men
"Maybe your lawyers can make you happy."
Two and a Half Men
"Your brother's a horse's ass."
Two and a Half Men
"Hey, let's not lose sight of who the real victim of this divorce is."
Two and a Half Men
"Me!"
Two and a Half Men
"You're not our teacher. Why should we listen to you?"
Two and a Half Men
"Okay, let me put it another way."
Two and a Half Men
"Shut up and sit down!"
Two and a Half Men
"Thanks."
Two and a Half Men
"What about our play?"
Two and a Half Men
"You know how they say, "The show must go on"?"
Two and a Half Men
"- Your uncle's so lame. - Is not. He's cool."
Two and a Half Men
"- Yeah, right. - He is."
Two and a Half Men
"He's almost famous. He wrote the Maple Loops song."
Two and a Half Men
"- Did not. - Did, too!"
Two and a Half Men
"- Prove it. - You see that Jaguar in the parking lot?"
Two and a Half Men
"That doesn't prove anything."
Two and a Half Men
"Fine."
Two and a Half Men
"It's got oats and corns and wheat"
Two and a Half Men
"- Everybody knows that? - Of course. It's the Maple Loops song."
Two and a Half Men
"- Uncle Charlie, do Fudge Nuggets. - Yeah! Fudge Nuggets!"
Two and a Half Men
"In a secret chocolate mine"
Two and a Half Men
"Come granny's big fudge nuggets"
Two and a Half Men
"What do you know. Maybe I don't hate kids."
Two and a Half Men
"Hi."
Two and a Half Men
"I'm sorry I didn't give you a heads up about the divorce papers."
Two and a Half Men
"I'm sorry if I overreacted."
Two and a Half Men
"Only the girls get sweaty"
Two and a Half Men
"We're getting there."
Two and a Half Men
"Yeah, we'll take it from here, okay?"
Two and a Half Men
"What about the songs we wrote?"
Two and a Half Men
"Hey, kids, what do you think about the songs they wrote?"
Two and a Half Men
"These are my people."
Two and a Half Men
"What do your jingles have to do with the Industrial Revolution?"
Two and a Half Men
"Look, you wanted a show, I'm giving you a show."
Two and a Half Men
"Plumber in a Jar. Let's really sell it this time."
Two and a Half Men
"When your sink backs up there's just one star"
Two and a Half Men
"It's the one you trust It's Plumber in a Jar"
Two and a Half Men
"Plumber in a Jar"
Two and a Half Men
"Hey, what you doing?"
Two and a Half Men
"I'm trying to find some plausible connection between my jingles"
Two and a Half Men
"- What's up? - I just talked to my dad."
Two and a Half Men
"He said that he and Mom aren't getting back together again."
Two and a Half Men
"- How you doing with that? - I'm not sure."
Two and a Half Men
"I like that I get to stay here on weekends."
Two and a Half Men
"That's cool. I like that, too."
Two and a Half Men
"No, I'm okay."
Two and a Half Men
"- From what? - From being sad."
Two and a Half Men
"Yeah, I know it's a vicious circle. But the liquor industry is built on it."
Two and a Half Men
"- Understand? - Yeah."
Two and a Half Men
"Hey, buddy."
Two and a Half Men
"It's okay, Dad."
Two and a Half Men
"Before the Industrial Revolution, we lived in an agrarian society."
Two and a Half Men
"Most people grew their own food and ate what they grew. Breakfast involved..."
Two and a Half Men
"It would be hundreds of years before people could enjoy"
Two and a Half Men
"a pre-packaged and nutritious breakfast. And what's in that breakfast?"
Two and a Half Men
"It's got oats and corns and wheat"
Two and a Half Men
"It's the sweetest breakfast treat"
Two and a Half Men
Show more clips