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Clips from American Housewife - The Snowstorm (S01E01)

[Laughs] You.

"[Laughs] You."

American Housewife

Oh, my God.

"Oh, my God."

American Housewife

I don't eat them. I just like the smell.

"I don't eat them. I just like the smell."

American Housewife

Bring me my money, Oliver.

"Bring me my money, Oliver."

American Housewife

Oh, God.

"Oh, God."

American Housewife

I just remembered I have a family.

"I just remembered I have a family."

American Housewife

I have to go back home.

"I have to go back home."

American Housewife

and I'll turn right back around.

"and I'll turn right back around."

American Housewife

Is that a reference thing? Is that Jay-Z?

"Is that a reference thing? Is that Jay-Z?"

American Housewife

Usually when I don't get things, it's Jay-Z.

"Usually when I don't get things, it's Jay-Z."

American Housewife

but I got the fire started.

"but I got the fire started."

American Housewife

Who knew that the kids' favorite snack was combustible?

"Who knew that the kids' favorite snack was combustible?"

American Housewife

let's start making a shelter out of available materials.

"let's start making a shelter out of available materials."

American Housewife

We'll need the hat rack, some chip clips,

"We'll need the hat rack, some chip clips,"

American Housewife

There's no upstairs in camping.

"There's no upstairs in camping."

American Housewife

We'll have to dig a latrine in the snow.

"We'll have to dig a latrine in the snow."

American Housewife

I love it all.

"I love it all."

American Housewife

I'm supposed to be at a spa with my friends,

"I'm supposed to be at a spa with my friends,"

American Housewife

not in a sandy, poopless house.

"not in a sandy, poopless house."

American Housewife

Ah, would you look at that.

"Ah, would you look at that."

American Housewife

So, where's your husband?

"So, where's your husband?"

American Housewife

- [Chuckling] You. - Stop it with the you.

"- [Chuckling] You. - Stop it with the you."

American Housewife

I'm asking you an actual question,

"I'm asking you an actual question,"

American Housewife

You can't be part of our group unless you're open and real.

"You can't be part of our group unless you're open and real."

American Housewife

Girl, you so crazy.

"Girl, you so crazy."

American Housewife

Here's the rule of Second Breakfast.

"Here's the rule of Second Breakfast."

American Housewife

The worse the story, the louder you tell it.

"The worse the story, the louder you tell it."

American Housewife

If you find a gray hair down there,

"If you find a gray hair down there,"

American Housewife

We're brutally honest with each other.

"We're brutally honest with each other."

American Housewife

- I love it. - No, you don't love it.

"- I love it. - No, you don't love it."

American Housewife

- Fine. I will. - Okay.

"- Fine. I will. - Okay."

American Housewife

Oh! Luz!

"Oh! Luz!"

American Housewife

Can't we just bring it ourselves?

"Can't we just bring it ourselves?"

American Housewife

Low marks for over-reliance on mops.

"Low marks for over-reliance on mops."

American Housewife

Now, what kind of knot do we use

"Now, what kind of knot do we use"

American Housewife

Because your mom can never find the mopping-cloth refills,

"Because your mom can never find the mopping-cloth refills,"

American Housewife

- [Cellphone chimes] - This is business.

"- [Cellphone chimes] - This is business."

American Housewife

She's all I have.

"She's all I have."

American Housewife

Eh.

"Eh."

American Housewife

But every time I look at that chair,

"But every time I look at that chair,"

American Housewife

I think back to that pale blue Belgian silk

"I think back to that pale blue Belgian silk"

American Housewife

I should have chosen.

"I should have chosen."

American Housewife

[Sighs]

"[Sighs]"

American Housewife

So that's it?

"So that's it?"

American Housewife

That's your biggest regret?

"That's your biggest regret?"

American Housewife

Am I in?

"Am I in?"

American Housewife

Viv, sorry. Just not happening.

"Viv, sorry. Just not happening."

American Housewife

And by any chance, do you have

"And by any chance, do you have"

American Housewife

You don't have my money.

"You don't have my money."

American Housewife

Like I told you, I re-invested our profits.

"Like I told you, I re-invested our profits."

American Housewife

You stupid Westport boy.

"You stupid Westport boy."

American Housewife

My real home... El Salvador.

"My real home... El Salvador."

American Housewife

I have a 7-year-old sister. You're not missing much.

"I have a 7-year-old sister. You're not missing much."

American Housewife

Oliver?

"Oliver?"

American Housewife

What are you doing here?

"What are you doing here?"

American Housewife

Is it so hard for you to join in

"Is it so hard for you to join in"

American Housewife

And your sisters are interested.

"And your sisters are interested."

American Housewife

And your mom's interested.

"And your mom's interested."

American Housewife

And, to be honest, I don't care if you're not interested.

"And, to be honest, I don't care if you're not interested."

American Housewife

Sometimes you do things for other people.

"Sometimes you do things for other people."

American Housewife

across the street drinking champagne with Viv?

"across the street drinking champagne with Viv?"

American Housewife

You could be right.

"You could be right."

American Housewife

Does losing a favorite shoe on the ferry to Nantucket count as a regret?

"Does losing a favorite shoe on the ferry to Nantucket count as a regret?"

American Housewife

Keep thinking, Viv.

"Keep thinking, Viv."

American Housewife

This is some life.

"This is some life."

American Housewife

Greg?

"Greg?"

American Housewife

I don't want you to do anything you don't want to do.

"I don't want you to do anything you don't want to do."

American Housewife

You can't stand me?

"You can't stand me?"

American Housewife

Oh, I've been there.

"Oh, I've been there."

American Housewife

You were married before?

"You were married before?"

American Housewife

Interested piqued. Proceed.

"Interested piqued. Proceed."

American Housewife

It was back when I was still heavy.

"It was back when I was still heavy."

American Housewife

I mean, not as heavy as you, of course.

"I mean, not as heavy as you, of course."

American Housewife

Of course.

"Of course."

American Housewife

I mean, not as small as yours, of course.

"I mean, not as small as yours, of course."

American Housewife

And he was super into model trains.

"And he was super into model trains."

American Housewife

you know, on of those big pieces of plywood.

"you know, on of those big pieces of plywood."

American Housewife

With the green fake grass and the tiny little trees?

"With the green fake grass and the tiny little trees?"

American Housewife

tiny turn-of-the-century town and expect me to be excited

"tiny turn-of-the-century town and expect me to be excited"

American Housewife

and operate the switch track,

"and operate the switch track,"

American Housewife

This is Second Breakfast talk. You're doing it!

"This is Second Breakfast talk. You're doing it!"

American Housewife

I'm being completely honest!

"I'm being completely honest!"

American Housewife

[Both laugh]

"[Both laugh]"

American Housewife

So then, he moved the trains into the kitchen.

"So then, he moved the trains into the kitchen."

American Housewife

He saw it at Swensons and thought it looked cool.

"He saw it at Swensons and thought it looked cool."

American Housewife

Well, that's the thing.

"Well, that's the thing."

American Housewife

We just sort of drifted apart and each did our own thing.

"We just sort of drifted apart and each did our own thing."

American Housewife

If I had just shown an interest in those stupid trains...

"If I had just shown an interest in those stupid trains..."

American Housewife

it's any of it... the Yankees or going clamming.

"it's any of it... the Yankees or going clamming."

American Housewife

If I had just shown a glimmer of interest

"If I had just shown a glimmer of interest"

American Housewife

- One question. - Hm?

"- One question. - Hm?"

American Housewife

Did the track go around the top of the kitchen?

"Did the track go around the top of the kitchen?"

American Housewife

Yeah.

"Yeah."

American Housewife

That's how I was picturing it.

"That's how I was picturing it."

American Housewife

Now I'm in this huge house with more than I could ever need,

"Now I'm in this huge house with more than I could ever need,"

American Housewife

in flawless shape, wishing I was back there

"in flawless shape, wishing I was back there"

American Housewife

with my sweet husband and his stupid trains.

"with my sweet husband and his stupid trains."

American Housewife

Viv.

"Viv."

American Housewife

It just got real.

"It just got real."

American Housewife

Now I'm with a guy who doesn't care

"Now I'm with a guy who doesn't care"

American Housewife

I got to stop being such a bitch.

"I got to stop being such a bitch."

American Housewife

Yeah, you do.

"Yeah, you do."

American Housewife

[Sighs]

"[Sighs]"

American Housewife

Greg: It's not that funny.

"Greg: It's not that funny."

American Housewife

I brought wood.

"I brought wood."

American Housewife

I looted it.

"I looted it."

American Housewife

Oh, it's so nice in there.

"Oh, it's so nice in there."

American Housewife

the nighttime kind.

"the nighttime kind."

American Housewife

We got married to be together and to do stuff.

"We got married to be together and to do stuff."

American Housewife

And you can't do what's best for you

"And you can't do what's best for you"

American Housewife

and screw over your partner.

"and screw over your partner."

American Housewife

So, do you accept my apology?

"So, do you accept my apology?"

American Housewife

No.

"No."

American Housewife

We still need the snow latrine.

"We still need the snow latrine."

American Housewife

Yes.

"Yes."

American Housewife

I'm on it. How deep?

"I'm on it. How deep?"

American Housewife

If you have to ask, How deep? you haven't gone deep enough.

"If you have to ask, How deep? you haven't gone deep enough."

American Housewife

Where's my money?

"Where's my money?"

American Housewife

- Right here. - What is this?

"- Right here. - What is this?"

American Housewife

So you can go back to Guatemala.

"So you can go back to Guatemala."

American Housewife

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