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Clips from American Housewife - The Snowstorm (S01E01)

be at Ed's cabin by noon,

"be at Ed's cabin by noon,"

American Housewife

and immediately start chopping wood for the fire.

"and immediately start chopping wood for the fire."

American Housewife

Us living off the land, no electricity.

"Us living off the land, no electricity."

American Housewife

It'll be fun, Dad.

"It'll be fun, Dad."

American Housewife

It was pretty awesome. I was a real trailblazer.

"It was pretty awesome. I was a real trailblazer."

American Housewife

You mean you called yourself that, and no one stopped you.

"You mean you called yourself that, and no one stopped you."

American Housewife

It's not too late to follow in the Otto family tradition.

"It's not too late to follow in the Otto family tradition."

American Housewife

We're scouts.

"We're scouts."

American Housewife

Son, men have died for the right to wear that kerchief.

"Son, men have died for the right to wear that kerchief."

American Housewife

Your mom and I don't like you selling knockoff polo shirts

"Your mom and I don't like you selling knockoff polo shirts"

American Housewife

so they can have a fancy night out at Dairy Queen.

"so they can have a fancy night out at Dairy Queen."

American Housewife

I brought you pillows.

"I brought you pillows."

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[Normal voice] We'll make our own.

"[Normal voice] We'll make our own."

American Housewife

Pine needles in a sweatshirt.

"Pine needles in a sweatshirt."

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That sounds so fun.

"That sounds so fun."

American Housewife

But Angela needs me.

"But Angela needs me."

American Housewife

I totally get it.

"I totally get it."

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Hey. Can I bring my new fish?

"Hey. Can I bring my new fish?"

American Housewife

Uh, I don't think camping will be good for it.

"Uh, I don't think camping will be good for it."

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and try to get out of it.

"and try to get out of it."

American Housewife

about blowing off the family camping trip?

"about blowing off the family camping trip?"

American Housewife

and no one can drop one in your downstairs bathroom.

"and no one can drop one in your downstairs bathroom."

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to share all of your husband's interests.

"to share all of your husband's interests."

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specifically to avoid Greg's camping trips.

"specifically to avoid Greg's camping trips."

American Housewife

It bought me six years.

"It bought me six years."

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and I booked us a three-bedroom suite at the Velvet Zen Spa.

"and I booked us a three-bedroom suite at the Velvet Zen Spa."

American Housewife

with a bouquet of peonies for no reason

"with a bouquet of peonies for no reason"

American Housewife

I know. I can't stand how fake she is.

"I know. I can't stand how fake she is."

American Housewife

You would think that would make me feel guilty,

"You would think that would make me feel guilty,"

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Let's get you guys on the road.

"Let's get you guys on the road."

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- You owe me money. - Luz, I'm not exactly liquid right now.

"- You owe me money. - Luz, I'm not exactly liquid right now."

American Housewife

- You're going camping? - I am.

"- You're going camping? - I am."

American Housewife

No, this isn't too much wine.

"No, this isn't too much wine."

American Housewife

I'm kind of wanting one again.

"I'm kind of wanting one again."

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I want my money.

"I want my money."

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Luz!

"Luz!"

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No!

"No!"

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It was supposed to be a dusting.

"It was supposed to be a dusting."

American Housewife

And this is the only weekend that we could get Ed's cabin.

"And this is the only weekend that we could get Ed's cabin."

American Housewife

- Damn. - I know.

"- Damn. - I know."

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You know what? One of us has been using

"You know what? One of us has been using"

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a dead moose head on the wall, we got Mom!

"a dead moose head on the wall, we got Mom!"

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to make memories I don't want to make.

"to make memories I don't want to make."

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Well, if it helps you feel better, we're snowed in here, too.

"Well, if it helps you feel better, we're snowed in here, too."

American Housewife

[Knock on door]

"[Knock on door]"

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Coming, honey.

"Coming, honey."

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So excited.

"So excited."

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But I drove him to it.

"But I drove him to it."

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That's not an acceptable answer.

"That's not an acceptable answer."

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My fish is cold.

"My fish is cold."

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This is great.

"This is great."

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I get to be a hero and blow off my family.

"I get to be a hero and blow off my family."

American Housewife

[Knock on door]

"[Knock on door]"

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I don't want it to freeze.

"I don't want it to freeze."

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Oh, come in.

"Oh, come in."

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Shoes.

"Shoes."

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They're floors.

"They're floors."

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Come on.

"Come on."

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Have a seat.

"Have a seat."

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This is so soft.

"This is so soft."

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Is this made of puppy?

"Is this made of puppy?"

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Mm-hmm.

"Mm-hmm."

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[Ringtone plays]

"[Ringtone plays]"

American Housewife

Luz, yo holo teléfono.

"Luz, yo holo teléfono."

American Housewife

I don't really speak Spanish.

"I don't really speak Spanish."

American Housewife

Give me one reason to stay here,

"Give me one reason to stay here,"

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[Sighs]

"[Sighs]"

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Well, took a whole bag of cheese puffs,

"Well, took a whole bag of cheese puffs,"

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How about this house that already covers us?

"How about this house that already covers us?"

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Upstairs to use the bathroom.

"Upstairs to use the bathroom."

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I'm not a happy camper.

"I'm not a happy camper."

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I just wanted to hang out with you and... your stuff.

"I just wanted to hang out with you and... your stuff."

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I did say that.

"I did say that."

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Okay.

"Okay."

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But why are you such a liar?

"But why are you such a liar?"

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I just wanted to be one of the girls, I guess.

"I just wanted to be one of the girls, I guess."

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Like that?

"Like that?"

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We tell the truth about our lives.

"We tell the truth about our lives."

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you better take a picture and pass it on.

"you better take a picture and pass it on."

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I like it.

"I like it."

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Bring us champagne in the living room!

"Bring us champagne in the living room!"

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Okay, high grades for improvisation.

"Okay, high grades for improvisation."

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Why do we own three Swiffers?

"Why do we own three Swiffers?"

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so she keeps buying new ones.

"so she keeps buying new ones."

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I have more pressing things to do.

"I have more pressing things to do."

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Hey.

"Hey."

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Fine. Then I'm going across the street to talk to Luz.

"Fine. Then I'm going across the street to talk to Luz."

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Make sure my fish is okay.

"Make sure my fish is okay."

American Housewife

You have parents, two siblings, and a room full of ponies.

"You have parents, two siblings, and a room full of ponies."

American Housewife

So I went with this sort of dark brocade

"So I went with this sort of dark brocade"

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- and it is. - Mm-hmm.

"- and it is. - Mm-hmm."

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How you upholstered a chaise in your guest room?

"How you upholstered a chaise in your guest room?"

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a downstairs bathroom with reliable plumbing?

"a downstairs bathroom with reliable plumbing?"

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Six of them.

"Six of them."

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You have my money?

"You have my money?"

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I bought more shirts for you to fix and for me to sell.

"I bought more shirts for you to fix and for me to sell."

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I don't want to fix more shirts.

"I don't want to fix more shirts."

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I'm done living here.

"I'm done living here."

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I'm saving up to go home.

"I'm saving up to go home."

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But you can't leave. We've got a good thing going.

"But you can't leave. We've got a good thing going."

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Mom?

"Mom?"

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You're supposed to be house-camping with Dad.

"You're supposed to be house-camping with Dad."

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I could say the same about you.

"I could say the same about you."

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Is that champagne?

"Is that champagne?"

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and act like part of this family?

"and act like part of this family?"

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If Mom's so interested, how come she's hiding out

"If Mom's so interested, how come she's hiding out"

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There's no way.

"There's no way."

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Greg: Is it?

"Greg: Is it?"

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Really?

"Really?"

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Feels like a trap.

"Feels like a trap."

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thinking how great it is that you're on my side.

"thinking how great it is that you're on my side."

American Housewife

To be fair, I've been pretty clear about that.

"To be fair, I've been pretty clear about that."

American Housewife

Huh.

"Huh."

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So are you gonna head home?

"So are you gonna head home?"

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I cannot be expected to share his same interests, right?

"I cannot be expected to share his same interests, right?"

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And it never crossed your mind to share that?

"And it never crossed your mind to share that?"

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Don't feel the need to include me in your story.

"Don't feel the need to include me in your story."

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- Yeah, that's the kind. - Yeah.

"- Yeah, that's the kind. - Yeah."

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So he would invite me out to see his latest

"So he would invite me out to see his latest"

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So you get where I'm coming from with this whole camping thing.

"So you get where I'm coming from with this whole camping thing."

American Housewife

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