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Clips from American Dad! (2005) - Comedy (S01E01)

"- Breech bolt. - Steve guessed it."
American Dad! (2005)
"Wow, Hayley, some dye job. The carpet match the curtains?"
American Dad! (2005)
"- What did you do? - I dyed it at a Green Party rally."
American Dad! (2005)
"Notjust any wigs. These are styled after our most revered Republican first ladies."
American Dad! (2005)
"How do I look now, Steve? Pretty enough for you? Forget it."
American Dad! (2005)
"Turn down that rap music. It's a bad influence."
American Dad! (2005)
"I wanted to see if it works. It totally does."
American Dad! (2005)
"That's brilliant, Francine. Now rephrase it so it sounds like my idea."
American Dad! (2005)
"Hey, foxy."
American Dad! (2005)
"- You got something to say, Barry? - Easy, Steve. We're just not studs."
American Dad! (2005)
"My surfboard nails me in the head and I go down like a bag of rocks."
American Dad! (2005)
"Isn't he sweet, Stan?"
American Dad! (2005)
"Babe, your dad digs me. I can tell he wants us to be together."
American Dad! (2005)
"See you tomorrow, fellas. Hey, Sanchez, try to get to work on time for a change."
American Dad! (2005)
"No fair. Don't make me come up there."
American Dad! (2005)
"What a bunch of clowns."
American Dad! (2005)
"Her trigger word. I had her brainwashed at five."
American Dad! (2005)
"My mom had me right where you're sitting."
American Dad! (2005)
"Babe, we did it, we took the plunge."
American Dad! (2005)
"and together we'll drive a poem across America."
American Dad! (2005)
"I gotta use the can."
American Dad! (2005)
"Stan. I can't believe our little girl moved out."
American Dad! (2005)
"Jeff - you know Jeff - Jeff lives in this van"
American Dad! (2005)
"and the piece ofjunk just broke down right outside."
American Dad! (2005)
"By morning she'll be back wearing footsie pyjamas, sucking on her Lion King blankie."
American Dad! (2005)
"Stan, I want my baby girl home. Just go down there and apologise."
American Dad! (2005)
"No. No apologies. George W taught me that."
American Dad! (2005)
"I just have to remind her how great life is at home."
American Dad! (2005)
"Keep tonight open. Marco and Sky are having a wine-and-cheese thing in their Tercel."
American Dad! (2005)
"- How long do I have you? - Two hours."
American Dad! (2005)
"Go read to my wife."
American Dad! (2005)
"He's got the sympathy factor. His brother got his arm stuck in a ski lift. Tore it right off."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Good news, Francine. - Hayley's back?"
American Dad! (2005)
"- Sure is. Japanese, to be specific. - Stan. I don't want a new daughter."
American Dad! (2005)
"Hayley, what happened? You used to be so easy."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Great. - So, Stan, did Hayley move back in?"
American Dad! (2005)
"No. Francine is devastated. If she's this upset now, what'll she be like when Hayley dies?"
American Dad! (2005)
"But I think I know someone who could."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Or else what? - That'll be 38.40."
American Dad! (2005)
"Yeah, yeah. I remember when my sister had her accident."
American Dad! (2005)
"- That's terrible. - Only her taint survived."
American Dad! (2005)
"OK, it's on. You pull this off and I'll convince my parents to let you sleep in here."
American Dad! (2005)
"- She never played a burn victim. - Meg, honey."
American Dad! (2005)
"Kim, meet my sister Hayley."
American Dad! (2005)
"- I know. I'm hideous. - You are so not hideous."
American Dad! (2005)
"It's your eyes and the unique shape of your head."
American Dad! (2005)
"And Steve's been a super little brother -"
American Dad! (2005)
"There are no free rides here."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Bring me a beer. - I just brought you one."
American Dad! (2005)
"and men hand over hundreds of their hard-earned dollars."
American Dad! (2005)
"To quote Camille Paglia, they are sexual conquerors,"
American Dad! (2005)
"controlling the channel between nature and culture. Take it off, bitch."
American Dad! (2005)
"All right, gentlemen."
American Dad! (2005)
"Somebody pulled the alarm. You know what that means."
American Dad! (2005)
"- How could you let Hayley do this? - What?"
American Dad! (2005)
"- Snowballs? - You bastard."
American Dad! (2005)
"- I didn't know she was stripping. - Don't lie to me."
American Dad! (2005)
"- I'd never be cool with stripping. - Really?"
American Dad! (2005)
"Kim. You look great. But the dance isn't for two hours."
American Dad! (2005)
"Wait. Can I say hi to your charred sister first?"
American Dad! (2005)
"Hello?"
American Dad! (2005)
"And she traded shifts with Tina?"
American Dad! (2005)
"Wait. This isn't about Tina."
American Dad! (2005)
"This isn't about Tina."
American Dad! (2005)
"You look gorgeous. Doesn't she look gorgeous?"
American Dad! (2005)
"That's not what I said. Tell her. Or maybe you don't want this room any more."
American Dad! (2005)
"I never want to see you again, Steve."
American Dad! (2005)
"You're so hot."
American Dad! (2005)
"What are you gonna do? Tickle me to death?"
American Dad! (2005)
"- You're coming home. - I don't have to listen to you."
American Dad! (2005)
"- But she's making so many mistakes. - You sound just like my father."
American Dad! (2005)
"- He never supported my choices. - My dad didn't support me either."
American Dad! (2005)
"Yeah. Then again, the girls are really nice and the money's awesome."
American Dad! (2005)
"- I got a good one. - "Quivix"? That's not a word."
American Dad! (2005)
"- It is on my planet. - Is it a proper noun?"
American Dad! (2005)
"Yes, I know she's got a great ass. Stay on it."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Easy game. Name the gun part. - Breech bolt."
American Dad! (2005)
"- No way. - Yes, way. She started it."
American Dad! (2005)
"- It's my hair. I'm keeping it. - What's wrong with that girl?"
American Dad! (2005)
"Do I have to smell of BO and hump a redwood to get through to her?"
American Dad! (2005)
"Something tells me you're right."
American Dad! (2005)
"Sandman's a-calling. Shh. That's right. That's right."
American Dad! (2005)
"Big Foot's baking sugar cookies and Santa wants to take you to the Oscars."
American Dad! (2005)
"- How's your French toast? - Smelly and ungrateful."
American Dad! (2005)
"But this American toast is delicious."
American Dad! (2005)
"Well, Sleeping Beauty's finally up."
American Dad! (2005)
"I'm not ugly. Am I?"
American Dad! (2005)
"- How dare you. - How dare I? How dare I?"
American Dad! (2005)
"I was at the shooting range and left in my earplugs. Did you say "How dare l"?"
American Dad! (2005)
"- Mom. - Stan, how could you?"
American Dad! (2005)
"How could I? How could I? Sorry. Backup pair."
American Dad! (2005)
"It's OK, honey. You don't look like a giant penis."
American Dad! (2005)
"How can I go to school with no hair?"
American Dad! (2005)
"- Already got you covered. - Wigs?"
American Dad! (2005)
"The Barbara Bush. The Nancy Reagan. The Maria Shriver."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Stay tuned. - Those are terrible."
American Dad! (2005)
"I swear, yo, shorty be leaning on my last nerve."
American Dad! (2005)
"What do you expect? You shaved her head in her sleep."
American Dad! (2005)
"And putting her hand in that bowl of warm water, that was just overkill."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Finally. - Mom, is my wig straight?"
American Dad! (2005)
"- Jeff's here. Later. - Who's Jeff?"
American Dad! (2005)
"How can she be old enough to have a boyfriend? She still wets her bed."
American Dad! (2005)
"Yeah, I guess so."
American Dad! (2005)
"- That helps a little. - Maybe you'd feel better if we met this boy."
American Dad! (2005)
"Man, that dance is gonna be a rager."
American Dad! (2005)
"Yeah. It's too bad we can't get dates."
American Dad! (2005)
"What? Fellas, girls wanna get down just as bad as we do. Here, here, watch."
American Dad! (2005)
"You know what? Not only am I going to that dance,"
American Dad! (2005)
"but I'll bet each of you 20 bucks I also get boob."
American Dad! (2005)
"- Bring back the bra to prove it? - I'll do you one better."
American Dad! (2005)
"I'll wear it back. No, actually, I'll just bring it."
American Dad! (2005)
"And just then my life flashes before my eyes,"
American Dad! (2005)
"and I'm bored."
American Dad! (2005)
"He's bored. You took us the other way with it, Jeff. Thank you."
American Dad! (2005)
"I just hope one day I too have a daughter who's as smart and wonderful as Hayley."
American Dad! (2005)
"He sure is. Next time I'm out of Jolly Ranchers I'm just gonna suck on Jeff."
American Dad! (2005)
"Jeff, you were so good at dinner."
American Dad! (2005)
"Babe, we're good together. Which is why I was thinking you should move in with me."
American Dad! (2005)
"Great. Now it's officially a sausage-fest."
American Dad! (2005)
"Yeah? Yeah, you better fly."
American Dad! (2005)
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