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Clips from Van Wilder (2002)

"Air dry that shit, yeah."
Van Wilder (2002)
"And I would like to be your assistant very much..."
Van Wilder (2002)
"Mr. Van Wilder."
Van Wilder (2002)
"You'll also handle my finances."
Van Wilder (2002)
"I'm spearheading the Save the Swim Team Speedo Spectacular..."
Van Wilder (2002)
"This is Sick Boy's room. Not a week's gone by he hasn't had an ailment."
Van Wilder (2002)
"and my 9:45 till Wednesday."
Van Wilder (2002)
"You owe $75,000 for the speed boat."
Van Wilder (2002)
"- Yes, sir. - You owe $200,000 for the thoroughbred."
Van Wilder (2002)
"Schedule a massage after my golf game tomorrow afternoon."
Van Wilder (2002)
"- With a happy ending? - Ah, yes."
Van Wilder (2002)
"And another $39,000 for your son's tuition and housing this semester."
Van Wilder (2002)
"Tuition? Van is still in school?"
Van Wilder (2002)
"Depression: Is Prozac really the answer?"
Van Wilder (2002)
"Tracking Tuition: Where does our money really go?"
Van Wilder (2002)
"Each article well-written and researched by our own Gwen Pearson..."
Van Wilder (2002)
"and each article skipped over by the majority of the student body."
Van Wilder (2002)
"I don't care. I won't pander to them."
Van Wilder (2002)
"Lite Beer vs. Dark-- The Showdown by Darius Grayson."
Van Wilder (2002)
"- Is that the same-- - Pulitzer-prize winning Darius Grayson."
Van Wilder (2002)
"He was an alumnus of our journalism staff."
Van Wilder (2002)
"He wrote his best stuff in detox. Still does, I'm told."
Van Wilder (2002)
"I have got a very challenging assignment for you."
Van Wilder (2002)
"A story that nobody's been able to get."
Van Wilder (2002)
"- About what? - No, no. It's about whom."
Van Wilder (2002)
"He's got no business parking there. That's my spot."
Van Wilder (2002)
"This is the first time in my life I'm glad I'm deaf!."
Van Wilder (2002)
"I can't hear the boos! Now, listen up."
Van Wilder (2002)
"we must swing the ball around the perimeter."
Van Wilder (2002)
"This ball club is the heart of this institution."
Van Wilder (2002)
"You win, it beats. You lose, it breaks."
Van Wilder (2002)
"I want you shining glass."
Van Wilder (2002)
"What are you looking at? Your mom said you left your legs at home."
Van Wilder (2002)
"I'd do anything for you guys..."
Van Wilder (2002)
"but not without a W tonight."
Van Wilder (2002)
"You want to know why? Nobody wants to celebrate a loss, guys."
Van Wilder (2002)
"Come on. We got a ball game to win."
Van Wilder (2002)
"a Delta?"
Van Wilder (2002)
"Let the shards tear into your Achilles tendon..."
Van Wilder (2002)
"causing acute achondroplasia..."
Van Wilder (2002)
"which could lead to non-congenital dwarfism as you got older?"
Van Wilder (2002)
"Ease up on the medical terms. Just keep it simple and terrifying."
Van Wilder (2002)
"Hey, Richard. Ready to study?"
Van Wilder (2002)
"Gwenny, I said 9:30. It's 9:20."
Van Wilder (2002)
"I'm in the middle of an 80-year tradition here."
Van Wilder (2002)
"I will be up when I'm done with my presidential responsibilities."
Van Wilder (2002)
"Okay, I'll wait for you upstairs."
Van Wilder (2002)
"You are. You are."
Van Wilder (2002)
"When I count to three, you will jump or be banished from this house forever!"
Van Wilder (2002)
"One, two--"
Van Wilder (2002)
"Excuse me. Where can I find Van Wilder?"
Van Wilder (2002)
"In the Guiness Book of World-fucking-Records, man..."
Van Wilder (2002)
"In any one of these three rooms, Gramps."
Van Wilder (2002)
"Sweet Joseph, my son's a fairy."
Van Wilder (2002)
"Dad, what are you doing here?"
Van Wilder (2002)
"- Thank God. - No jammies."
Van Wilder (2002)
"- Party foul. - No, don't-- Oh, dear God."
Van Wilder (2002)
"Next time you'll know better."
Van Wilder (2002)
"Seven years, and no degree. You should have graduated twice by now."
Van Wilder (2002)
"If you don't have your doctorate, you haven't done enough."
Van Wilder (2002)
"But you have wasted enough of your time and my money."
Van Wilder (2002)
"I'm staying here with my friends."
Van Wilder (2002)
"Fine. Maybe your friends can pay your tuition."
Van Wilder (2002)
"and cut your losses."
Van Wilder (2002)
"Write that down."
Van Wilder (2002)
"What is that intoxicating scent you're wearing, Doris?"
Van Wilder (2002)
"I have cats."
Van Wilder (2002)
"Meow!"
Van Wilder (2002)
"program?"
Van Wilder (2002)
"- A little pay-as-you-go? - Are you trying to seduce me?"
Van Wilder (2002)
"Who, me? No!"
Van Wilder (2002)
"Oh, yeah."
Van Wilder (2002)
"That's the shit."
Van Wilder (2002)
"Guess what. I'm feeling a little cold sore coming on."
Van Wilder (2002)
"Maybe we shouldn't do this for three to six weeks."
Van Wilder (2002)
"Shut up, bitch, and give me some sugar."
Van Wilder (2002)
"Fill this out. It's a standard payment plan extension form."
Van Wilder (2002)
"You can either mail this in or drop it off."
Van Wilder (2002)
"Mail it in!"
Van Wilder (2002)
"Mail it in! Mail it in."
Van Wilder (2002)
"Van, you must make four monthly payments of $5,000 each."
Van Wilder (2002)
"I'm sorry, Taj. I'm gonna have to let you go."
Van Wilder (2002)
"A good soldier does not leave his commander..."
Van Wilder (2002)
"just because he lies wounded, arms torn off at the sockets..."
Van Wilder (2002)
"intestines spilling out onto the mud, picked at by the birds."
Van Wilder (2002)
"I will stay on at no charge."
Van Wilder (2002)
"Exactly how much money do you have?"
Van Wilder (2002)
"- He has only $34. - Damn, Van!"
Van Wilder (2002)
"What the hell you gonna do with $34, man?"
Van Wilder (2002)
"Congratulations, Taj! Your first blow job."
Van Wilder (2002)
"is the ultimate aphrodisiac."
Van Wilder (2002)
"I wish I had teachers like that."
Van Wilder (2002)
"X..."
Van Wilder (2002)
"Desi told me how she and a few of her grad school pals..."
Van Wilder (2002)
"as well as our most valued client."
Van Wilder (2002)
"Freshman year. I'll get the others."
Van Wilder (2002)
"- Wait. There are more of these? - Actually, there are many more."
Van Wilder (2002)
"It seems Mr. Wilder didn't quite come out of his shell..."
Van Wilder (2002)
"It's like this itchy, rashy burning sensation."
Van Wilder (2002)
"- Dance? - When I pee."
Van Wilder (2002)
"- You hooked up with a burner. - Yeah."
Van Wilder (2002)
"She seemed like a nice girl, said it was her first time?"
Van Wilder (2002)
"Always check the quality of the turf before you step onto the field."
Van Wilder (2002)
"Tell him Van sent you, and remember-- Don't be a fool. Wrap your tool."
Van Wilder (2002)
"Thanks, Van. Thanks a lot."
Van Wilder (2002)
"Don't thank me. Thank penicillin."
Van Wilder (2002)
"Crazy kids with their crazy VD."
Van Wilder (2002)
"- You must be Van. - Hi."
Van Wilder (2002)
"I'm doing a human interest piece on you."
Van Wilder (2002)
"I'm flattered. I'd love for your piece to be on me."
Van Wilder (2002)
"My editor did say this would be a challenge."
Van Wilder (2002)
"Van, second date with Emily."
Van Wilder (2002)
"Blue. Brings out your eyes. Kid's got killer eyes, not unlike yourself."
Van Wilder (2002)
"- Has anyone told you that before? - Yes, my boyfriend."
Van Wilder (2002)
"Is it true that this is your seventh year at Coolidge?"
Van Wilder (2002)
"So what's your boyfriend's name? Does he go to school here?"
Van Wilder (2002)
"- Does he appreciate you? - That's none of your business."
Van Wilder (2002)
"You know what? You're right."
Van Wilder (2002)
"His name's Richard. He's premed."
Van Wilder (2002)
"Van, you have a 1:30 with the swim team."
Van Wilder (2002)
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