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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Russian Rocket Reaction (S05E05)

"Well, off the top of my head, I'd have to go with Excalibur."
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"Oh, it's hard to put a price on something..."
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"Hang on. Can you do any better?"
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"Because there wasn't last time."
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"...it's either dead or alive or both."
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"Homespun stories, knowledge of physics and a bosom that defies it."
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"- Howie, that's wonderful! Congratulations! - Uh, heh."
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"It gets better. Someone has to go up with the telescope..."
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"...as a payload specialist, and guess who that someone is, heh."
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"Then you get in a Russian Soyuz rocket which shoots you into a low earth orbit."
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"Or it just sits on the launch pad because the Kazakhi mafia sold the rocket fuel..."
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"...when it was built by the folks who brought you Chernobyl. Ha, ha."
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"Cheers."
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"What is it?"
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"I can't believe you signed up for the space program without talking to me."
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"Uh, okay, let's try this again."
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"Hey, we're a team. Heh."
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"- So, what do you think? - No."
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"...my father abandoned me and my mother when I was 11."
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"- Mortal enemy? - Mm-hm."
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"As a child, I loved Wesley Crusher..."
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"...at the Verbatim Corporation in 1989, congratulations, you just made the list."
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"- Okay. - Heh."
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"You're also the first one of us to kick a girl out of bed."
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"- ...but she did kind of betray you. - Interesting."
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"He's great."
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"You know, stock characters, ludicrous plots, beam me up."
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"This is quite lovely."
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"Signed by my close personal friend, Wil Wheaton."
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"It's from Game of Thrones."
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"- What do you think? - I don't know."
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"If we're going to start a fantasy sword collection..."
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"And I've long thought we should."
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"...Is this really the sword to start with?"
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"What did you have in mind?"
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"It gives you the right to rule England."
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"It would be a replica of a movie prop."
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"Fair enough."
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"It would give you the right to rule a replica of England."
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"Well, they don't have an Excalibur here, so, what do you want to do?"
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"Ugh, tough decision."
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"There's no weaponry from Lord of the Rings..."
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"...forged in a Chinese sweatshop?"
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"Mm-hm, just Bilbo Baggins' sword over there."
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"Two grown men with a hobbit's dagger, wouldn't we look silly?"
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"- Okay, let's go for it. - Heh."
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"Oh, I see you guys have found my little treasure."
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"Yeah, pfft, it's okay, I guess."
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"Okay? It's magnificent."
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"Buh-buh-buh-buh."
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"What do you want for it?"
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"...that's a copy of something that was on pay cable."
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"But for my friends, let's say 250."
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"- Ooh, that's pretty steep. - It's a limited edition."
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"They only made 8000 of these bad boys."
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"Only 8000. We're wasting precious time. Buy it."
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"I'm already giving you the friends and family discount."
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"Oh, did you hear that? The friends and family discount."
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"We are honored and we will take it."
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"Slow down. Two hundred."
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"What are you doing? 250 is already a discounted price."
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"- Will you shut up? - Tell you what, I'll go 235."
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"Nope. Maybe another time."
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"- Okay, 225, my final offer. - Take it, take it."
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"- Two hundred. - Man, you're killing me."
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"Killing you? I can't breathe."
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"Two ten and I'm losing money."
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"Oh, no, we can't let him lose money, Leonard. I'm so sorry."
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"Two ten and you throw in the Iron Man helmet."
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"Are you crazy? That helmet's signed by Robert Downey, Jr."
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"So?"
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"If you're gonna question the importance of a signature..."
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"...on a plastic helmet from a movie based on a comic book..."
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"...then all of our lives have no meaning."
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"- Okay, fine. Just the sword, 210. - Thank you. I can eat meat this week."
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"See that? I just saved us 40 bucks."
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"I've long said that what you lack in academic knowledge..."
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"...you make up for in street smarts."
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"- You want me to wrap it? - No, it's okay."
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"I'm gonna stab my friend in the chest."
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"- Hey, Stuart. - Ah, hey, Wil."
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"Hello, Wil Wheaton."
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"- Hi, Sheldon. Nice sword. - It's part of my sword collection."
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"- Do you have a sword collection? - No."
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"Heh, I'm not surprised."
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"Here's the Batman six twelve..."
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"...with the Jim Lee alternate cover that you wanted."
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"- Oh, awesome. What do I owe you? - Forty bucks."
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"- Good deal. - Sucker."
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"He didn't even ask for the friends and family discount."
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"I'm having a party on Friday and I was hoping you would stop by."
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"- Will there be girls there? - Of course."
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"There will be girls."
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"You guys are invited if you want to come by."
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"- Thank you. - All right, great. Later."
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"I see what you're doing."
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"You accept an invitation to a party at the home of my sworn enemy."
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"He tells everyone we're going to be there."
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"And when we don't show, he looks the fool. Fiendishly clever."
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"I was actually thinking about going."
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"And then declaring the party a fiasco and storming out..."
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"...leaving him humiliated in front of his guests. Love it."
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"No, I was gonna grab Raj and Howard and have a good time."
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"Ah, great, more guys."
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"It's gonna be another Wil Wheaton sausage-fest."
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"- Sheldon, can you grab me a water? - Possibly."
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"- Can you or can't you? - It's not that simple, Leonard."
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"It never is, is it?"
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"At this moment, our relationship exists..."
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"...in two mutually contradictory states."
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"Until you either do not go or go to Wil Wheaton's party..."
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"...you are simultaneously my friend and not my friend."
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"I'm characterizing this phenomenon as Schrödinger's friendship."
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"- Got it. Can I have my water? - Yeah, of course."
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"Now get it yourself, you traitor."
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"- Wait, what is going on? - In case you have forgotten..."
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"- ...Schrödinger's cat is a thought... - No, I didn't forget."
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"Um, there's this cat in a box and until you open it..."
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"Although our cat got stuck in my brother's camp trunk..."
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"...and we did not need to open it to know there was all kinds of dead cat in there."
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