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Clips from The Simpsons - The Great Simpsina (S22E22)

"Gaze into it and learn how you will die."
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"It's made for the American market."
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"And here, my dear, is my most celebrated illusion:"
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"the Great Milk Can Escape,"
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"handed down to me by Houdini himself."
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"Looks like there was magic between you two."
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"The lady in question is my late wife Esther."
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"She was the only other soul"
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"who knew the secret of my greatest trick."
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"Now I'm alone with my memories and my medical marijuana."
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"Would you... be interested in teaching me?"
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"A girl illusionist?!"
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"Ladies are what you saw in half and throw knives at."
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"What if you just taught me one trick?"
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"Come back in a week with these rings linked together,"
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"and maybe I'll-- Say, you did it already?!"
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"Well, I guess I can teach a girl."
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"You should be."
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"That monkey wound up with 18 car dealerships."
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"If you bought a family car in the St. Louis area,"
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"you bought it from the mighty Chimpopo."
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"Now, I'll start you off with a little coin work."
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"Ooh!"
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"And George Washington took a trip down the..."
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"My ear makes money?"
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"Hello, boat store?"
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"I'd like to order a boat."
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"What do you mean, dial tone?"
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"Where'd you learn that trick, in the Army?"
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"From the Great Raymondo."
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"Ooh! He is great."
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"In '57, I saw him turn the Secretary of Agriculture"
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"It was hell on their wives,"
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"but it sure brought down corn prices."
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"Built a house outta corn."
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"Worst house I ever owned!"
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"When it got real hot, it smelled like Fritos."
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"Lisa can't be a magician!"
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"That's my thing! I'm the one that got"
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"a magic set for Christmas two years ago."
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"You never even opened it."
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"Need some help?"
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"Kid scissors-- lame."
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"Ooh!"
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"Let's see what else you've been hiding in there."
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"Ay... ca...ram... ba!"
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"I forgot why I'm doing this."
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"Raymondo! I mastered the slide pass"
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"And why is there always a "Denver" version of things?"
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"I'm sorry, Lisa."
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"I'm upset."
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"Bumped-off-the- Mike-Douglas-show upset!"
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"Oh. What's wrong?"
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"'Sup, brahs?"
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"It's me, Cregg Demon."
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"Who's ready to get their magic on?!"
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"Okay, for my first chillusion,"
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"I'm gonna descend into hell and pull up a skank."
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"Hi. Now, we've never met before, correct?"
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"Well, I don't need your number, sweetie..."
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"because it's tattooed on my ass!"
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"Yeah, it's on everyone's ass! Yeah!"
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"Eh! Disgraceful."
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"Any idiot with a soul patch"
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"and a deck of cards thinks he's a magician."
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"Magic is about mystery, illusion,"
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"pulling rabbits out of hats!"
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"Ew."
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"feed your props."
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"♪ Old black magic has me in its spell ♪"
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"♪ Old black magic that you weave so well ♪"
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"♪ Those icy fingers up and down my spine ♪"
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"♪ The same old witchcraft when your eyes meet mine ♪"
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"♪ Same old tingle that I feel inside ♪"
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"♪ And then that elevator starts its rise ♪"
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"♪ Down and down I go ♪"
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"♪ Round and around I go ♪"
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"♪ Like a leaf caught in a tide ♪"
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"Lisa! Lisa!"
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"If you wanna do some real magic,"
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"find me a boyfriend that don't get all religious on me."
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"No!"
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"Huh?"
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"Raymondo's greatest secret!"
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"No, I shouldn't. I won't."
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"I guess I can trust you, Lisa Simpson."
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"I am going to teach you the Great Milk Can Escape."
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"You are?"
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"Why?"
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"If magic is not passed on, it dies."
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"Now the first thing you must do is make me a vodka tonic."
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"You're out of tonic."
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"That won't be a problem."
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"Students, teachers, detentionees,"
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"prepare to have everything you believe"
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"about milk cans challenged!"
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"Willie, if you will?"
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"God, if you don't bring my Lisa back safe,"
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"ants will burn tonight."
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"I believe the expression is ♪ ta-da! ♪"
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"I don't know what to think about milk cans anymore."
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"That was amazing."
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"I can see why they call you The Great Simpsina."
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"She has no friends."
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"Shut up!"
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"Now, where were we?"
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"I got to admit,"
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"I was pretty nervous when you were in that milk can."
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"You can see me do it again in a talent show next week."
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"I'd like to come."
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"But only if I was sure"
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"There's no chance whatsoever."
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"I'll show you."
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"The can is in two halves, and they slide apart."
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"From inside, you just push up."
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"Easy peasy."
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"And there's no way anyone can figure out how it's done."
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"Well, I can think of one way."
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"You trick a dorky little girl into telling you!"
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"Yo, Dad!"
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