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Clips from Scrubs - My Jiggly Ball (S05E05)

"Unfortunately for you, I have the balance of a..."
Scrubs
"Fine, let's do this. Wheels up."
Scrubs
"Come on, come on. Be the chair."
Scrubs
"[Continues shouting]"
Scrubs
"Tough break, there, Newbie."
Scrubs
"Group! Position right! Ho!"
Scrubs
"- [others] # I don't know but I believe - [Cox] # Newbie..."
Scrubs
"So I have to introduce Kelso. Big whoop."
Scrubs
"You don't understand the predicament you're in."
Scrubs
"Kelso expects a long, glowing testimonial,"
Scrubs
"- What is it that women do? - How the hell would I know?"
Scrubs
"[J.D.] They swoon."
Scrubs
"If you get up there and start kissing Kelso's ass,"
Scrubs
"your fellow attendings will think of you as a brownnosing toady."
Scrubs
"On the other hand, if you don't pucker up,"
Scrubs
"Kelso will make your life a living hell. You're officially trapped."
Scrubs
"I'll say something nice that's true."
Scrubs
"You go do that, and I'll go find God, quit drinking, get in touch with myself,"
Scrubs
"The hell he does."
Scrubs
"I remember a flu epidemic, we lost half a dozen children in one day."
Scrubs
"[Laverne] The second Kelso's foot hits the bottom of those stairs..."
Scrubs
"- [whistling] ...he has no cares in the world."
Scrubs
"from someone who dispenses them in between Maury"
Scrubs
"and eating a corn muffin."
Scrubs
"Laverne, I..."
Scrubs
""Laverne, I'm a doctor." You're a bit of a know-it-all, aren't you?"
Scrubs
"Oh, sorry, rich boy. My TV doesn't get the news."
Scrubs
"Just The Bible Channel and some kind of Chinese boxing."
Scrubs
"- That's because there's no such thing. - I knew you didn't know."
Scrubs
"[J.D.] If I just follow Dr. Kelso around for a while, he'll do something decent."
Scrubs
"Sir, aren't you being a little paranoid?"
Scrubs
"I was in 'Nam, you know. They pulled off my fingernails."
Scrubs
"When did you get an earring?"
Scrubs
"Enid, I'm not cheating on you. This earring is mine."
Scrubs
"[Squishy sounds]"
Scrubs
"I gotta get an earring."
Scrubs
"- Turk, have you heard of Jiggly Ball? - It's a game the orderlies made up."
Scrubs
"Yes. That... that's awesome."
Scrubs
"Mr. Keck. What do you say we get you into surgery"
Scrubs
"and take care of that hernia?"
Scrubs
"I don't know if surgery is necessary."
Scrubs
"Last night I was in pain, so I went to a free clinic."
Scrubs
"Get him on the phone and tell him"
Scrubs
"- Gimme some! Ho! - Here it is."
Scrubs
"I think I know this guy."
Scrubs
"and looking at him like he's in love?"
Scrubs
"- You would make a pretty girl. - Yeah."
Scrubs
"[Both snickering]"
Scrubs
"Hey, Heckle and Jeckle, you know what? No surgery."
Scrubs
"Mr. Morrison, I understand that one of our interns spent an hour in here"
Scrubs
"telling you over and over that you are going to die."
Scrubs
"I would make him apologize personally,"
Scrubs
"I think Mr. Countertop would really appreciate your undivided attention."
Scrubs
"Now, the hospital is running an experimental drug trial"
Scrubs
"on a medication that they're hoping will reduce the size of tumors."
Scrubs
"And, well, I'm gonna try my hardest to get you in there."
Scrubs
"The wacky thing was room 403 did have some yeast issues."
Scrubs
"Look, Dr. Cox, this intro is killing me. Have you seen Kelso?"
Scrubs
"Nope. But our new patient, Mr. Franks, in here is crazy rich,"
Scrubs
"so I'd imagine Big Bob will be here momentarily"
Scrubs
"to make love to his money clip."
Scrubs
"Hi. Bob Kelso."
Scrubs
"Listen up, bozos."
Scrubs
"So how about someone diagnoses him so I can get my candy?"
Scrubs
"I'll be glad to do it, Bob,"
Scrubs
"- in that experimental drug trial. - Sure, what the hell."
Scrubs
"Deal."
Scrubs
"Lorraine, the sooner you let me have a look at that rash,"
Scrubs
"I mean, back on the street, which is your home."
Scrubs
"So this is where germs are born."
Scrubs
"Elliot, she didn't. My patient told me that his clinic doctor"
Scrubs
"I really do not talk like that."
Scrubs
"- [Unintelligible] - That's Turk, that's how he is."
Scrubs
"You knew she worked here? I can't believe you kept a secret."
Scrubs
"Remember your wedding, you sold me out to Turk?"
Scrubs
"Turk knew I was joking."
Scrubs
"[J.D.] We're so emotionally connected."
Scrubs
"This isn't great, but it's not like I think about being yelled at by Dr. Cox"
Scrubs
"[J.D.] How do I not know about this game?"
Scrubs
"At this clinic, I practice medicine for people who really need me."
Scrubs
"I mean, honestly, I feel like I belong here."
Scrubs
"Dr. Cole just got stabbed in the parking lot, and we're out of gauze."
Scrubs
"- Is it cool if I take lunch? - This place is crushing my soul."
Scrubs
"- Who? - Dr. Reid?"
Scrubs
"I'm sorry, that's just not ringing a bell."
Scrubs
"- J.D.? - That's not even funny."
Scrubs
"Whoa, whoa. You wanna hear a weird coincidence?"
Scrubs
"He has the same brain tumor as your guy, Mr. Morrison."
Scrubs
"Given a choice between a rich guy and a poor guy,"
Scrubs
"it was pretty obvious who Bob Kelso would put in the drug trial,"
Scrubs
"and who he'd leave behind."
Scrubs
"Another banner day at Sacred Heart."
Scrubs
"... a nice guy slowly dying without a fighting chance."
Scrubs
"It's a wonder how anyone can walk out of this place with a smile on their face."
Scrubs
"There's no money to hire another attending."
Scrubs
"Num-num-num-num-num."
Scrubs
"- There have been times... - No."
Scrubs
"I can't do your paperwork, I am swamped!"
Scrubs
"I am not giving you my last Tater Tot!"
Scrubs
"J.D., I don't care if they're able to attach one person's limbs"
Scrubs
"Job back!"
Scrubs
"Corn?"
Scrubs
"Oh, let me help you. Let me... I got you. Here you go."
Scrubs
"I have to handle this on my own, OK?"
Scrubs
"See? These are chest hands."
Scrubs
"I had eight hours until Kelso's awards dinner,"
Scrubs
"and someone was boxing me out."
Scrubs
"Hey, Bob, I need to talk to you about my drug trial patient."
Scrubs
"It's true, Mr. Keck, you could probably get by without the surgery."
Scrubs
"You stuck in that candy machine?"
Scrubs
"I paid for my Rolos, I'm getting my Rolos."
Scrubs
"Mm-hmm."
Scrubs
"Nice! Why aren't you mocking him?"
Scrubs
"[Chuckles]"
Scrubs
"Guys, listen, we really need to help Elliot."
Scrubs
"She said she doesn't want help."
Scrubs
"If J.D. Were drowning and said he didn't want you to save him,"
Scrubs
"What if there're hot chicks?"
Scrubs
"Maybe he wants one of them to jump in and save him."
Scrubs
"- Fine. He's in a pond. - Oh, I would never swim in a pond."
Scrubs
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