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Clips from Axe Cop - Night Mission: Stealing Friends Back (S01E01)

"1x01 - Night Mission: Stealing Friends Back"
Axe Cop
"[grunting]"
Axe Cop
"No, the King of All Bad Guys."
Axe Cop
"- Is there a dinosaur-horn store? - Don't you know it."
Axe Cop
"No, we'll take my car."
Axe Cop
"over that awesome ramp."
Axe Cop
"that I'm not chicken. [chuckles]"
Axe Cop
"Shh. We don't have time to hear about your friend."
Axe Cop
"Did you say stolen!? Oh boy, that's the worst!"
Axe Cop
"The only reason I'm recommending you buy it is to save you money."
Axe Cop
"- I mean, just do the math, all right? - I always do the math"
Axe Cop
"Listen, this man's friends were stolen"
Axe Cop
"- So give me a minute! - His friends were stolen?"
Axe Cop
"A war?! I'll be right there!"
Axe Cop
"I met up with my best friend:"
Axe Cop
"He was a huge chicken with a human head. [cheeping]"
Axe Cop
"Careful out there, Sergeant T!"
Axe Cop
"could also shoot giant lasers out of his mouth."
Axe Cop
"You killed my best friend! [shouting in Spanish]"
Axe Cop
"[laughs] I was so mad,"
Axe Cop
"Oh no. [panting] I forgot to feed you!"
Axe Cop
"memory of Sergeant T by joining in your mission."
Axe Cop
"Great, we're gonna have to act fast."
Axe Cop
"That must be the bad guy King's secret lab."
Axe Cop
"the free poison soda secret attack."
Axe Cop
"[moaning] Dead."
Axe Cop
"Ugh. [all yelp]"
Axe Cop
"Oh, for real? Oh, you're not going to regret this."
Axe Cop
"a totally different dude. His name was Sergeant G."
Axe Cop
"At his funeral his mother gave me his brain."
Axe Cop
"they're super fast. And I put that brain"
Axe Cop
"and created the ultimate soldier-slash-best friend."
Axe Cop
"I called him Liborg!"
Axe Cop
"Well, before we all got captured,"
Axe Cop
"I happened to push this button on my best-friend-calling watch,"
Axe Cop
"Just kidding, thanks for getting here so fast, man."
Axe Cop
"- High five. - Thanks for giving me half a cheetah's brain."
Axe Cop
"to eat the King's brains. [inhales]"
Axe Cop
"[roars, grunts]"
Axe Cop
"[shouts, splashes]"
Axe Cop
"- I can't see a thing. - We're in the stomach."
Axe Cop
"- This is bile. - Gross."
Axe Cop
"The dinosaurs are eating his brains!"
Axe Cop
"[groaning] Whoo-hoo!"
Axe Cop
"But what about the King of All Bad Guys?"
Axe Cop
"- the dumber he gets. - But won't he still be evil?"
Axe Cop
"So he'll be a good guy from now on... a really dumb good guy."
Axe Cop
"[screams]"
Axe Cop
"Why don't ya... why don't ya come on in?"
Axe Cop
"No, I'll take it to go. I've got to get"
Axe Cop
"It's not a hidden cost. It's a late fee."
Axe Cop
"Boy: One day, at the scene of the fire, the cop found the perfect axe."
Axe Cop
"That was the day he became Axe Cop!"
Axe Cop
"So he had tryouts and hired a partner."
Axe Cop
"What a day. Good night, Axe Cop."
Axe Cop
"Hey, you know what? If you're not doing anything,"
Axe Cop
"you want to come over, uh, for dinner?"
Axe Cop
"- I don't eat dinner. - Are you sure?"
Axe Cop
"'cause Anita's making grilled cheese. And let me tell you,"
Axe Cop
"Anita knows a thing or two about cheese and grilling it."
Axe Cop
"- Turn off the lights on your way out. - All right, buddy."
Axe Cop
"[car departs]"
Axe Cop
"Time for Axe Cop to go on a night mission."
Axe Cop
"- [sobbing] Ugh, wha... - You're not a bad guy."
Axe Cop
"and why are you crying?"
Axe Cop
"All my friends are gone. Someone stole them."
Axe Cop
"First, stop crying. I don't like it."
Axe Cop
"Second, did you say your friends were stolen?"
Axe Cop
"Yes, what kind of guy steals someone's friends?"
Axe Cop
"- And get your friends back! - You do? How?"
Axe Cop
"With a giant dinosaur horn."
Axe Cop
"It's on another planet. There."
Axe Cop
"- See it twinkle? - Yeah. That's nice."
Axe Cop
"It's cooler and I know a shortcut..."
Axe Cop
"[honking] Axe Cop: Come on! Move it!"
Axe Cop
"Can't he see we're on a night mission?"
Axe Cop
"Gimme a sec, would ya, fella?!"
Axe Cop
"I gotta jump this ramp to prove to my best friend"
Axe Cop
"My best friend is so cool. One time, we were at this pizza place..."
Axe Cop
"This guy's friends were stolen by the King of All Bad Guys."
Axe Cop
"You don't have to ask me twice, I'm helping you on this mission."
Axe Cop
"[door slams] Buckle up, boys,"
Axe Cop
"Whoa-ooo!"
Axe Cop
"[groans] But it's cheaper to rent."
Axe Cop
"For most people yes. But not when you keep returning them late."
Axe Cop
"- and it's cheaper to rent! - Just get your dinosaur horn already!"
Axe Cop
"by the King of All Bad Guys and I'm helping him get them back!"
Axe Cop
"Really? That's the saddest thing I ever heard."
Axe Cop
"My best friend, Sergeant T, was killed in the war."
Axe Cop
"Okay, look, bro, we don't have time for your back-story. Right, axe?"
Axe Cop
"- Shh shh shh. Go on. - You see, I wasn't always a dog."
Axe Cop
"I used to be an army man and I had a pet chihuahua."
Axe Cop
"[screams] and they would bite you if you got too close."
Axe Cop
"But Sergeant T was brave."
Axe Cop
"Chicken head killed Sergeant T with one blast."
Axe Cop
"- I killed chicken head with one grenade. - Bok!"
Axe Cop
"I won the war and returned home"
Axe Cop
"only to discover I hadn't fed my pet chihuahua."
Axe Cop
"to turn into a chihuahua when I am ready to fight."
Axe Cop
"Whoa, that reminds me of my best friend."
Axe Cop
"- Quick story here... - Shh!"
Axe Cop
"So you can turn back into a man whenever you want?"
Axe Cop
"Only when I am not ready to fight."
Axe Cop
"Which is almost never. Now allow me to honor the"
Axe Cop
"I bet they know where my friends are. Let's go!"
Axe Cop
"Not so fast. I have the perfect secret attack"
Axe Cop
"to use for such an occasion:"
Axe Cop
"- What the heck? - Hyah! How did you survive"
Axe Cop
"my free poison soda secret attack?"
Axe Cop
"- I only drink juice. - But soda is better than juice!"
Axe Cop
"Man's friends are or I will chop your head off!"
Axe Cop
"- Now will you let me go? - No. Soda is better than juice."
Axe Cop
"Hey, army chihuahua,"
Axe Cop
"- All my friends are dead! - Cheer up, Bat Warthog Man."
Axe Cop
"Cheer up? Without friends, I'm all alone in this world."
Axe Cop
"- I have no reason to go on. - I want you to listen very carefully."
Axe Cop
"Killing the guy who killed your friends."
Axe Cop
"that's the King of All Bad Guys."
Axe Cop
"He's asleep because it's past his bedtime."
Axe Cop
"- I'm talking to you, Grey Diamond. - Okay, bro..."
Axe Cop
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