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Clips from The Office - Vandalism (S09E09)

"- Yeah? - Yes, of course."
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"I believe in you. I believe in your art."
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"- And I am bored. - Great."
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"I was hoping for a righteous mob."
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"I ended up with Dwight and Nellie."
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"But they both have a mob mentality,"
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"and I'm pretty sure Dwight has a pitchfork in his car."
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"You need my pitchfork?"
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"[Exhales]"
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"I have vengeance to exact."
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"Exciting news. There's room for one more"
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"at my son's birthday event,"
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"But, wait, the State Transportation Secretary"
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"will be there."
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"You could sell your bit salt idea"
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"to the highway people. [Gasps]"
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"If I get the deicing gig, it's gonna be on merit,"
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"Hey, so a little birdie just told me"
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"So do you want me to go with you?"
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"- No. - Okay, I understand."
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"I'll just stay here then,"
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"alone with the money."
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"Oh, crap."
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"I am handing out pieces of paper"
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"on which you will draw one human butt."
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"is no one's business but my own."
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"You're gonna compare 'em to the butts up there."
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"Incorrect. It is my fetish."
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"Oh, also sign them."
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"My fetish is signed drawings of butts."
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"I'm not drawing a butt."
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"All right, then no bottoms."
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"We should ask you to do big rounded Ws."
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"Okay, okay, I think it's time to get back to work."
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"Come on, fellas. Let's go."
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"Or melons like cantaloupes"
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"with the halves are cut off"
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"and then just the bottom parts."
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"Well, this is getting us nowhere."
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"We need to find the weakest one"
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"and separate him from the group."
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"Yeah, I think, if we could get Nate alone,"
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"we could crack him."
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"We just need a pretense to talk to him."
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"We could tell him that his mother is dying."
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"Nate!"
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"Your mother is dying."
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"It's all right. It's all right."
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"So she's gonna pull through again?"
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"That's great. Can I talk to her?"
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"No. She needs her rest again."
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"let's talk about this mural business."
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"You know who the vandal is."
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"but we've got chewing gum."
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"Gum's gotten mintier lately. Have you noticed?"
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"Like, some of it's just too minty."
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"It's like they're literally trying to hurt your--"
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"Tell us who defaced the mural."
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"He did it."
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"All right. You can go. Give him his gum."
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"There's no gum. There never was any gum."
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"Wow, that's really rude."
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"[Indistinct chatter, soft piano music]"
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"Opening with puff pastries?"
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"They're saying it's only gonna get better from here?"
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"Good luck."
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"That painting is just..."
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"How can anyone that weighs less than a Guinea hen"
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"be so terrifying?"
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"Ladies and gentlemen,"
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"Senator and Angela Lipton."
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"[Applause]"
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"Thanks, everybody. Thanks for coming."
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"Phillip had no idea he was so popular."
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"[Laughter]"
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"Oh, Robert, you're horrible."
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"Simon, Maxine, who let you guys in here?"
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"[Laughter]"
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"This is the team."
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"What?"
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"Oh, man."
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"I'm sorry about that."
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"It's cool. Reading's tricky sometimes."
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"Oh. Are you really mad about this?"
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"That's my go-to thermos, that's all."
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"Oh. It's your go-to--"
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"oh, man, that's a bummer."
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"- I'm sorry about that. - No big deal."
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"it's a big deal. No big deal."
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"Honestly, I don't mind."
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"Did you want me to wash it for you or...?"
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"I don't know. Are you gonna wash it,"
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"Okay."
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"[Picks up piece of paper]"
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"Here you go."
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"So, Frank, do you have any thoughts"
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"Maybe-- maybe I could get the ball rolling."
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"Hi."
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"Pam. I am so sorry"
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"if I've done anything"
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"to have an upstairs person coming down in your space."
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"So truly I apologize."
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"But enough about me."
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"Your turn."
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"Insert apology here, Frank?"
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"I drew a butt."
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"Well, I didn't think that butt was funny."
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"- What was that? - You know what?"
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"You people can't fire me,"
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"Whoa."
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"What are you gonna do about that?"
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"The first sorry sounded sincere."
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"There were two or three sorries in there."
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"- Mm, that's quite a lot. - It's a lot."
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"That sucked."
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"He didn't apologize. There's no talking to that guy."
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"Oh, your little feelings party didn't work out, huh?"
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"Everyone tied for first."
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"I'm saying we should go scorched earth"
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"on that guy's face."
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