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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Tangerine Factor (S01E01)

"But I never gave the man a chance to explain."
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"What is there to explain? It's all right here."
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"It's betrayal."
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"No, you were right the first time."
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"This is a man who loves me..."
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"I'm pretty sure I never said that."
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"No, you did better than that. You helped me see it on my own."
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"Oh, good for me."
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"- Where are you going? - I'm going over to Mike's."
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"- Leonard, thank you so much. - Oh, sure."
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"Huh."
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"Maybe I am her gay friend."
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"For God's sake, if you don't like tangerine chicken..."
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"I like tangerine chicken. I'm just not getting tangerine chicken."
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"- Can we please change the subject? - Sure."
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"Tell us again how you screwed up and got Penny back together with her old boyfriend."
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"Just roll the dice."
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""Enslaved by warlocks. Stay here till you roll two, four or--""
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"She was mad at him."
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"She was done with him, the relationship was broken..."
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"...and I walked over there and I fixed it."
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"Previously, I felt sympathy for the Leonard character."
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"Now I just find him to be whiny and annoying."
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"I'd love to, but I don't have tangerine chicken."
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"Thank you so much for your stupid advice."
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"Incredible."
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"You managed to screw up the screw-up."
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"I'm back."
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"I'm sorry I yelled at you. It's not your fault."
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"What happened?"
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"Well, I went over to Mike's to make up with him--"
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"Yeah, no, I know that part."
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"But he had already moved on."
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"Already? That was quick."
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"That's what I said to the woman who had her legs wrapped around his neck."
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"Oh, Penny, I am so sorry."
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"How could he do that?"
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"Oh, you know, you did throw an 80-gig iPod--"
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"Yeah, no, how could he do that?"
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"I swear to God, I am done with guys like that."
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"You know, macho with the perfect body, and the hair and the money."
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"Yeah, that must get old quick."
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"You know, just once, I would like to go out with someone who is nice and honest..."
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"...and who actually cares about me."
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"What about me?"
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"What about if you went out with me?"
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"Are you asking me out?"
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"Um, yes, I am asking you out."
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"Wow."
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"I was just going off your comment about the nice guy--"
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"- No, I got that. - And honest--"
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"- Yeah, totally. - So but...."
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"- It's no big deal. - Yes."
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"Yes, I will go out with you."
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"Really?"
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"Yeah."
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"Why not? I mean, what do I have to lose?"
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"Yeah."
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"That's the spirit."
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"Show me your citrus peels."
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"Show me your citrus peels."
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"- Show me-- - Sheldon?"
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"Look, do you have a second?"
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"A second what? Pair of underwear?"
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"I was just wondering if I could talk to you."
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"It's about Leonard."
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"Why me? Why not Koothrappali or Wolowitz?"
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"And Wolowitz is, you know, disgusting."
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"Yes, I suppose he is."
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"All I'm saying is you know Leonard the best."
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"Not necessarily. I'm often surprised by my lack of familiarity with Leonard."
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"Just the other day, I discovered he not only has a loofah, he hides it."
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"Why do you suppose a man would be ashamed of having a loofah?"
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"I myself prefer to have my excess epithelial cells slough off naturally..."
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"...but I don't condemn those who seek to accelerate the process."
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"And until recently, I had no idea that despite his lactose intolerance..."
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"...he can tolerate small amounts of nonfat ice cream..."
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"...without producing a noxious gas..."
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"...that, I maintain, in the right concentration could be weaponized."
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"Leonard might come home. Can we talk in my apartment?"
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"We're not done?"
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"- No. - Eh, why not?"
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"We're already through the looking glass anyway."
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"Okay, so here's the thing."
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"I guess you're aware that Leonard asked me out."
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"...that brought to mind the happy hippos in Fantasia."
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"Oh, that's nice."
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"Anyhow, the thing I wanted to talk to about is..."
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"...you know, since Leonard and I have become friends, I was just--"
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"Wanna sit down?"
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"Oh, I wish it were that simple."
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"Well, choose."
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"There are a number of options and...."
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"I'm really not familiar enough with the cushion densities..."
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"...air-flow patterns and dispersion of sunlight to make an informed choice."
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"Why don't you pick at random, if you don't like it, sit somewhere else next time?"
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"No, no, that's crazy."
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"You go ahead and talk while I figure it out."
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"Okay."
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"Here's the thing."
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"So I've known for a while now that Leonard has had a little crush on me--"
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"A little crush?"
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"Well, I suppose so."
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"In the same way Menelaus had a little crush on Helen of Troy."
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"- Menelaus was the brother of Agamemnon-- - Yeah, I don't care. Listen."
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"The point is..."
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"...Leonard isn't the kind of guy I usually go out with."
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"Leonard isn't the kind of guy anyone usually goes out with."
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"No. What I'm saying is, Leonard might be different in a good way."
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"And obviously, my usual choices have not worked out so well."
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"Your last one worked out well for Koothrappali. He got a free iPod."
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"Oh, glare."
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"But on the other hand..."
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"...if things don't go well with Leonard, I risk losing a really good friend."
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"I mean, he's not looking for a fling."
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"He's the kind that gets into a relationship for, like you would say, light-years."
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"I would not say that."
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"No one would say that. A light-year is a unit of distance, not time."
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"Thank you for the clarification."
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"Draft."
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