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Clips from What We Do in the Shadows - The Lamp (S04E04)

"or slovenly"
What We Do in the Shadows
"or vain."
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"-Saddle up! -Or manipulative."
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"He's a naughty boy."
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"They never asked me to shave off my beard."
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"Okay, she's a maybe."
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"This guy I don't trust. This one"
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"never learned to read. I like her,"
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"but she's so much smarter than me, so..."
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"see ya!"
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"They were warm and wanted to be with me."
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"You know, Behrouz the Mighty,"
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"all of his fearsome shit was actually done by other guys."
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"My heart's desire was kind"
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"and a good haggler."
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"They never borrowed my boots without asking me."
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"They were merciful."
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"And horny."
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"And this, my dear Ramy,"
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"is where the magic happens."
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"Shall we?"
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"Could I get one of those gold coins now?"
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"My beloved had a sense of spontaneity and fun."
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"-(chuckling) -(giggles) Nandor, what are you hiding?"
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"-Ah! -(yelping)"
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"H-Hey! No, wait! Come back!"
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"-Where you going?! -No."
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"Come back!"
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"It's just a lobster!"
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"(yelps) Leave me alone."
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"Wait!"
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"♪ Bu-Bu-Bu-Bublitchki. ♪"
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"That was adorable."
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"Nasrin! Nasrin!"
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"Hey! Don't be afraid!"
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"-Nasrin! Hey. -(shrieking)"
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"Where are you going?!"
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"Do not fear him! We are about to kill him anyway."
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"-(horn honks, tires screech) -Oh!"
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"Shit."
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"(engine idling)"
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"Whoops."
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"Yeah, she's dead."
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"-It is a process. -♪ Hey! ♪"
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"GUILLERMO: You were meant to look"
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"You can't just let him wander off."
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"NANDOR: Here, boy! (whistles)"
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"GUILLERMO: He's not a dog. He's a child."
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"Why are you so grumpy these days, Guillermo?"
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"Oh, I don't know. Maybe 'cause I'm exhausted"
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"from feeding and taking care of your 37 wives."
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"Actually, we're down to seven now."
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"-Little baby Colin! -Colin? -(pounding)"
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"Oh, wow."
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"This little rascal really likes"
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"to hammer holes in the wall, doesn't he?"
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"Between taking care of your wives"
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"and making sure this poor child"
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"-doesn't die... -Hey!"
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"...in this death trap of a house,"
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"I haven't slept in weeks."
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"-Colin, give me the hammer. -Hey! Shit."
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"Do you know that I've missed my mother's birthday party"
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"three years in a row?"
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"No. Why would I know that?"
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"I would have to know that it was your mother's birthday"
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"and also the things you do."
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"I-I really am glad that you want to find a wife,"
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"and I think it's cool. I really do."
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"-I'm cool with that. -Oh, good."
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"I'm so glad you are "cool" with that."
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"But I already have a family. And one that I don't see"
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"because I spend so much time taking care of you guys,"
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"I don't take care of myself."
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"I think he has fallen asleep."
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"I think your story bored him."
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"(snickering)"
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"Only kidding, Guillermo."
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"Eesh."
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"We've had a breakthrough."
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"This job isn't my job."
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"It's my punishment."
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"She'd locked away her most shameful and sordid memories"
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"for so long that she'd forgotten them."
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"-I was a bad vampire. -Yes."
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"GUIDE: I was sloppy."
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"I was wild."
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"I was a moth to the danger flame."
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"I led the Inquisition."
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"I danced the Dance of the Seven Veils."
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"(whispers): Without the veils."
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"LASZLO: Top work."
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"GUIDE: I was, simply put,"
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"-extra. -It's true."
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"And we finally got to the bottom of the, uh,"
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"naked, glistening Guillermo business"
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"that's been lurking in her tawdry mind."
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"Don't stop. This is getting good."
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"The final straw came,"
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"the ultimate messiness for a vampire..."
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"(sighs) when I slept with a vampire killer."
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"Shit."
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"No."
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"A Van Helsing."
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"No."
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"Yeah."
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"I knew it was wrong"
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"when I did it."
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"There's something about his kind--"
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"the danger, the depravity."
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"Will this climax be the end of my story?"
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"And what a way to go."
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"His fingers that could wrap around my neck."
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"All right. Leave this with me."
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"(whispering): What? Are you fucking insane?"
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"No. No way."
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"It's every young boy's fantasy."
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"What's wrong with you? It works, doesn't it?"
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"-As if you could do any better. -Just do it."
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"Get her to stop talking about that fucking building."
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