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Clips from What We Do in the Shadows - The Lamp (S04E04)

"She clearly has a weakness for your kind."
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"She might teach you a thing or two."
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"Okay."
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"If I do this, what's it worth to you?"
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"Name your price."
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"I want to be the nightclub's accountant."
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"LASZLO: Why?"
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"Why not?"
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"This makes me suspicious a little."
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"Well, do you want my help or not?"
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"Eh. I mean, we do, so..."
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"-done deal. -Okay. Well."
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"Yeah, I've done a lot of things for Nandor, Laszlo and Nadja"
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"over the years, but..."
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"seducing a vampire to do their bidding?"
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"(exhales)"
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"That's a new one."
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"(creaking)"
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"Guillermo, I know why you're here."
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"But the answer is no."
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"Oh, come on. (chuckles softly)"
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"Don't-don't you think a nightclub would be..."
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"a nice, fun change of pace for you?"
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"Yeah, sure. The nightclub's fine."
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"I don't care about that anymore."
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"-Okay, good. (chuckles) -Yeah."
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"No, it is our..."
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"-forbidden love... -(gasps)"
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"...that I must squash before it has a chance to blossom."
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"Yes."
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"Yeah. All right, well,"
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"nice doing business with you."
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"I'm gonna go."
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"(gasps)"
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"We felt a passion for each other from the moment we met, no?"
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"Oops! I should have known you had Van Helsing blood in you"
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"when I felt that tingling in my most private of parts."
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"Great. I'm gonna..."
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"-Ooh! Ooh! -Oh."
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"Oh, my sweet, sweet Guillermo."
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"My attraction to you"
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"is a manifestation of a longing for my past life,"
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"when I was a naughty, dirty vampire."
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"(cackles)"
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"But that's not who I am anymore."
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"-(grunts, pants) -Please tell me you understand."
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"-No hard feelings. -Okay."
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"Now I'm gonna go,"
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"-and you're gonna stay. -Bye-bye."
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"Guillermo, can you find it in your heart"
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"to be just... friends with me?"
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"Sure."
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"I could use a friend. (chuckles)"
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"High five. (gasps)"
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"All right. Then what are we waiting for, huh?!"
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"-(chuckles) It's a good day. -Where'd she get that from?"
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"Let's get this old shit out of here"
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"and make a vampire nightclub!"
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"-GUILLERMO: What are you gonna do with the hammer? -(whoops)"
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"Yeah!"
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"(cackles)"
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"As you can see, another patient cured"
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"and returned to perfect mental health."
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"Yes, she seems very well now, doesn't she?"
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"-No charge. -(cackling)"
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"Well done, my love."
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"Indeed."
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"She's gone."
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"What are we left with?"
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"I have found the one."
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"We are engaged to be wed."
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"This is Marwa."
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"Hello. I am Marwa of Al Qolni..."
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"I mean, it was obvious all along."
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"You know, like, duh."
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"Would you excuse me for one moment,"
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"please, my little pomegranate?"
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"Be right back."
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"(clears throat)"
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"I was lucky enough to have the best education..."
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"I always imagined my wife with blonde hair."
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"...but my passion lied in science and mathematics..."
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"I think I was thinking a little less platinum blonde,"
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"little more, um, hint of red."
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"I am most proud that my observations"
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"-of Jupiter and Saturn... -Hmm."
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"You know what? I think"
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"I prefer it just as it was in the beginning."
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"Using up a lot of wishes."
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"Yes, I know, but let's do it."
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"Nothing is too good for my perfect wife."
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"I am very lucky to have a man of such intellect"
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"to share my life with."
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"Mm."
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"(chuckles)"
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"♪ Bu-Bu-Bu-Bublitchki ♪"
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"♪ I promise you will be ♪"
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"♪ My only love ♪"
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"♪ So will you give to me ♪"
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"♪ All of your bublitchki ♪"
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"♪ The bu-bu-bublitchki ♪"
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"♪ I'm dreaming of ♪"
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"♪ I had a love, you see ♪"
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"♪ Who gave me bublitchki ♪"
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"♪ I fell in love with him ♪"
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"♪ But he did not ♪"
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"♪ He gave his all to me ♪"
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"♪ All of his bublitchki ♪"
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"♪ All of his bublitchki is all I got ♪"
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"♪ All of that bublitchki ♪"
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"♪ Is all I got... ♪"
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"♪ Hey! ♪"
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"Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org"
What We Do in the Shadows