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Clips from Farzar - Welcome to Farzar (S01E01)

"[mystical music playing]"
Farzar
"[narrator] This is Farzar."
Farzar
"It was a peaceful planet before the evil aliens invaded."
Farzar
"But they were fought back by Renzo, Czar of Farzar."
Farzar
"[upbeat music playing]"
Farzar
"[grunts]"
Farzar
"[narrator] Then Renzo married Queen Flammy."
Farzar
"Totally for love, not just to gain power, even though she's a slightly older woman."
Farzar
"Where the fuck am I?"
Farzar
"[narrator] Anyway, Renzo protected his people"
Farzar
"by constructing an energy dome around the human city"
Farzar
"to keep out the aliens and their diabolical leader, Bazarack."
Farzar
"I take off my shoes on airplanes."
Farzar
"-[cackles] -[thunder crashes]"
Farzar
"[narrator] One day, Renzo will defeat Bazarack"
Farzar
"with his god-like strength, rock star hair,"
Farzar
"and chiseled, chocolate pecs."
Farzar
"Look at those muscle tits bounce."
Farzar
"Fuck, yeah!"
Farzar
"Ah, fuck, yeah!"
Farzar
""I've finally captured you, Bazarack!" "Have mercy on me, mighty Renzo.""
Farzar
""I've got a better idea.""
Farzar
""I'm gonna heat up this clothes hanger on a stove"
Farzar
"and shove it up your tiny, yellow ding-dong.""
Farzar
"[mocks screaming]"
Farzar
"Okay, kids, that's enough state-mandated history for today. Any questions?"
Farzar
"Yeah, is this gonna be more like Futurama or Rick and Morty?"
Farzar
"Well, actually, it's gonna be more like shut the fuck up!"
Farzar
"[kids scream]"
Farzar
"[suspenseful music playing]"
Farzar
"I am Prince Fichael, son of Renzo."
Farzar
"I am destined to rid the planet of evil."
Farzar
"Today is the day you die!"
Farzar
"[screams]"
Farzar
"Anyway, today is the day--"
Farzar
"[screams]"
Farzar
"Ow!"
Farzar
"Uh, he did it to himself. I didn't touch him, Queen Flammy!"
Farzar
"I think you know what you have to do."
Farzar
"I was going to say apologize."
Farzar
"Anyway, another fine display of plasma swordsmanship"
Farzar
"by our brave son, Fichael."
Farzar
"What a joyous 30th birthday celebration."
Farzar
"Time to open Mommy's presents!"
Farzar
"Gold-plated socks, gold-plated gold bars,"
Farzar
"gold-plated puppy."
Farzar
"Mom, I know we're rich, but I'd prefer a living pet."
Farzar
"What's next? A gold-plated girlfriend?"
Farzar
"[chuckles] No."
Farzar
"-Get the fuck out of here! -[wheels squeak]"
Farzar
"Sorry to interrupt, sir, but the energy dome has been vandalized."
Farzar
"[suspenseful music plays]"
Farzar
"That is straight-up offensive."
Farzar
"Where's my goddamn reach-around?"
Farzar
"It appears to be the work of Bazarack."
Farzar
"[suspenseful music plays]"
Farzar
"I hate that mustard-colored fuck."
Farzar
"Can someone please find Bazarack and bring me his head?"
Farzar
"I'm so mad I could do a backflip."
Farzar
"[grunts] Ow!"
Farzar
"I landed on my goddamn Ski-Doo keys!"
Farzar
"Everyone who saw that, kill yourself."
Farzar
"Fun party."
Farzar
"But what I really want for my birthday is to be a general."
Farzar
"Dad, I ask you every year and you never let me."
Farzar
"[gasps] I'm gonna hold my breath till you make me a general."
Farzar
"Fine. Hold your breath, you dumbass. See if I, uh…"
Farzar
"Hereby make you a General."
Farzar
"Yes! Do I get my own team of soldiers?"
Farzar
"Sure, I'll put a quote-unquote "team" together for you."
Farzar
"Cool. Just like how I'm your quote-unquote "son"?"
Farzar
"Oh, I can't wait to tell all my quote-unquote "friends.""
Farzar
"Scootie, guess what?"
Farzar
"My dad's putting together a special team for me. I want you to be on it!"
Farzar
"How does Lieutenant BFF sound?"
Farzar
"Like a piece of shit Disney show."
Farzar
"-You ordered the Snuffle Snart? -[squeaks]"
Farzar
"Scootie, you got me a living pet for my birthday!"
Farzar
"Nope. It's for me."
Farzar
"[dial-up modem sounds playing]"
Farzar
"So about the team… [inhales through teeth]"
Farzar
"…guess we'll be nixing the drug tests."
Farzar
"Will you shut up? I'm trying to watch Lieutenant BFF."
Farzar
"[laughs]"
Farzar
"I didn't know you could say the N-word on Disney."
Farzar
"Good morning, Special Hostile Assault Team!"
Farzar
"S.H.A.T.? Our name is S.H.A.T.?"
Farzar
"The past tense of shit? Great name, Fichael."
Farzar
"Thanks. I'm your leader, General Fichael."
Farzar
"Roll call!"
Farzar
"Mal Skullcruncher?"
Farzar
"Reporting for duty, sir."
Farzar
"I've been on over 700 missions in the alien wasteland."
Farzar
"Sanchez! Don't be a hero!"
Farzar
"Operation Delta Brimstone, '72."
Farzar
"We were pinned down and I had to eat my whole goddamn platoon."
Farzar
"I was shitting dog tags and little pieces of Sanchez for months."
Farzar
"Yeah, you can just say, "Here." Val Skullcruncher."
Farzar
"Present."
Farzar
"My preschool class calls me Ms. Skullcruncher. [chuckles]"
Farzar
"Except for Tina, who calls me Ms. Skullcunt."
Farzar
"[laughs]"
Farzar
"Tina sounds funny. Is she single?"
Farzar
"What? I have a six-year-old nephew"
Farzar
"-who I'm trying to get laid. -Wow, the teacher is cute!"
Farzar
"I hope you like foot jobs. I'm pretty sure the ugly one controls the arms."
Farzar
"Barry Barris?"
Farzar
"Whoa! You're, like, Farzar's top scientist."
Farzar
"Yes. Well, I was until my nervous breakdown."
Farzar
"Now, I make stuff like this."
Farzar
"Me Billy. Hey!"
Farzar
"Look at his little bird beak! Billy, welcome to the team."
Farzar
"Billy on team."
Farzar
"Billy happy."
Farzar
"[grunting]"
Farzar
"Hey, Doc, can you do something about that?"
Farzar
"Right. No, Billy, you must grip the shaft tighter or you'll never climax."
Farzar
"Anyway, listen up, team."
Farzar
"You're going outside the dome into the barren alien wasteland"
Farzar
"on a dangerous and vital mission"
Farzar
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