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Clips from Teenage Euthanasia - First Date with the Second Coming (S01E01)

"- I think these are yours. - Lemme get this straight."
Teenage Euthanasia
"You called the cops over a bad haircut?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Bang trim! - Bang trim!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Trophy, Baba,"
Teenage Euthanasia
"due to your penchant for drama and your ability"
Teenage Euthanasia
"to read a bitch, I hereby sentence you both"
Teenage Euthanasia
"to be contestants on our new spring break TV show:"
Teenage Euthanasia
""Top Felon.""
Teenage Euthanasia
"Hope you enjoy that bang, ladies!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"[ Panicking ]"
Teenage Euthanasia
"Girl, I am freaking out without Baba here."
Teenage Euthanasia
"How do you stay so eerily calm?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"Annie? - It's easy, Uncle Pete."
Teenage Euthanasia
"I just distance myself from my emotions."
Teenage Euthanasia
"It's a self soothing technique I've been doing"
Teenage Euthanasia
"since Trophy abandoned me as a newborn."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- I think your re-abandonment"
Teenage Euthanasia
"has caused you to totally lock up."
Teenage Euthanasia
"You have to embrace your feelings."
Teenage Euthanasia
"Especially if they're painful!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- I am feeling like I don't like you doing that."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Hmmm. I don't taste a thing."
Teenage Euthanasia
"Annie, to fix this rigidity,"
Teenage Euthanasia
"you'll have to have a big emotional release."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- But...I'm fine like this."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Whoopsie."
Teenage Euthanasia
"Let me help you, Annie."
Teenage Euthanasia
"I happen to be a professional grief processor."
Teenage Euthanasia
"Watch. - [ Sobbing ]"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Let's see what we're dealing with here."
Teenage Euthanasia
"Acidic. Notes of FOMO with a finish of self-pity."
Teenage Euthanasia
"These are the tears of sorrow that you won't have access"
Teenage Euthanasia
"to Kyle's beach house anymore. Huh?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- His hot tub had a strobe light!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"I'm gonna miss it so much -- him, so much."
Teenage Euthanasia
"It, him, it, him..."
Teenage Euthanasia
"It him it him it him! - Wow!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"How did you know that?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Just a simple tear-tasting."
Teenage Euthanasia
"I've expanded my empathy receptors and refined my palate"
Teenage Euthanasia
"to the point that I can detect exactly what someone's feeling."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Like a sommelier but for feelings."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- When someone needs to cry, the brain first sends a signal"
Teenage Euthanasia
"to the tear scrotum, causing tears to brew."
Teenage Euthanasia
"Next, the tears get steeped in emotion, forming their flavors."
Teenage Euthanasia
"The most pungent feelings are set aside in reserve"
Teenage Euthanasia
"to be barrel-aged."
Teenage Euthanasia
"These are known as "old wounds.""
Teenage Euthanasia
"But most tears get quickly eye-jaculated onto the face."
Teenage Euthanasia
"I think if we can teach you to taste these simple feelings,"
Teenage Euthanasia
"it might help you begin to process your abandonment issues!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Then will I be able to experience human connection?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"And eventually maybe even play tennis?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Mmmm, baby steps."
Teenage Euthanasia
"♪♪"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- And now let's bring out our host."
Teenage Euthanasia
"You know him from his hit single"
Teenage Euthanasia
""Let Me Knock You Up At Sea World", old dirty"
Teenage Euthanasia
"Broward County himself, your big Flori-daddy"
Teenage Euthanasia
"and the governor of the franchise territory of Florida,"
Teenage Euthanasia
"Little Flor-Ida!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Awww shit, y'all, welcome to TF!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"The show where spring break's sexiest,"
Teenage Euthanasia
"wildest lawbreakers compete for a chance to be pardoned!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"By who? By me!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"One lucky felon can get back to spring breaking."
Teenage Euthanasia
"The rest will be sent to prison labor camps"
Teenage Euthanasia
"stuffing them little cotton balls into bottles of medicine."
Teenage Euthanasia
"Thanks to last year's losers, them hoes is still fresh."
Teenage Euthanasia
"Now let's meet our felons!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"Meet Daiquari!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- I'm here to make bail, not to make friends."
Teenage Euthanasia
"But I'm also open to making friends."
Teenage Euthanasia
"Memories are important."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- We got Orange!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- I'm juicy. And toxic to certain breeds of dogs."
Teenage Euthanasia
"German Shepherds..."
Teenage Euthanasia
"yellow labs...and pugs."
Teenage Euthanasia
"I killed a pug. She was so cute though."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Let's meet Jacuzzi!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- My parole officer said this is my last shot,"
Teenage Euthanasia
"so I'm not gonna waste it."
Teenage Euthanasia
"[ Retches ]"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- This hoe's not so fresh."
Teenage Euthanasia
"Trophy!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- I'm dead inside and out!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- And finally, Baba! - Need funeral?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"We can do tie-dye coffin, ombre coffin, glitter coffin..."
Teenage Euthanasia
"Get 20% off tender endings with discount code"
Teenage Euthanasia
"Trophy bad daughter."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Stay tuned as these ladies face off"
Teenage Euthanasia
"in their first challenge,"
Teenage Euthanasia
"right after these trade school commercials!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- We'll start with my basic tear collection."
Teenage Euthanasia
"These are your most common flavors:"
Teenage Euthanasia
"your "sads," your "afraids", your "alones.""
Teenage Euthanasia
"I keep my most valuable tears"
Teenage Euthanasia
"in a safe deposit box down at the bank."
Teenage Euthanasia
"You can try those once you've gotten the hang of it."
Teenage Euthanasia
"Here, try one and tell me what feeling you taste."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Where did you get these?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Luckily you can't taste that part."
Teenage Euthanasia
"Go on, just tell me what the tear says to your tongue."
Teenage Euthanasia
"There are no wrong answers. - Okay."
Teenage Euthanasia
"Um. Pepper?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Pepper's not a feeling, sweetie."
Teenage Euthanasia
"These are tears of a bride left at the altar."
Teenage Euthanasia
"Just relax. Who do these belong to?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Um, a retiree?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- A baby. - Oh, right."
Teenage Euthanasia
"A baby...who's hungry? - No!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"A baby who saw a balloon and now doesn't"
Teenage Euthanasia
"see a balloon and wonders where it went!"
Teenage Euthanasia
""Hungry"? Jesus Christ."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Sorry. - Okay, alright, here."
Teenage Euthanasia
"This one is impossible to get wrong."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- You're right. I know this one!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"A kid who got bulled on their first day of school?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Are you kidding me?!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"It's a kid who got bullied on their last day of school"
Teenage Euthanasia
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