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Clips from Teenage Euthanasia - First Date with the Second Coming (S01E01)

"after being really popular all year!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"What kind of freak are you to not get that!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Maybe I can't taste tears because I can't make them."
Teenage Euthanasia
"Sometimes I think I'm going to cry,"
Teenage Euthanasia
"but then tiny salt cubes come out instead."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Huh. I guess you're that kind of freak."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- My whole life I've only shed a single tear,"
Teenage Euthanasia
"and it was over mom's corpse, right before she got struck"
Teenage Euthanasia
"by lightning and reanimated."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Damn, that's one powerful tear."
Teenage Euthanasia
"When you start weeping, we're gonna have"
Teenage Euthanasia
"a real downpour of distress on our hands."
Teenage Euthanasia
"It might even turn into a heartache hurricane."
Teenage Euthanasia
"Uh-huh, follow me!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"[Air horn blaring]"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- At least admit it's your fault we're in here,"
Teenage Euthanasia
"then I can get back to a more sustainable level"
Teenage Euthanasia
"of hatred for you."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Everyone in Old Country say, "Oh, Baba,"
Teenage Euthanasia
"you never go to labor camp, you good gymnast."
Teenage Euthanasia
"Your body strong, you have good babies.""
Teenage Euthanasia
"But no! Turns out I have low-rent tacky baby"
Teenage Euthanasia
"who can't pull off high fashion haircut."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Felons! For challenge #1,"
Teenage Euthanasia
"you'll each need to climb your stripper pole"
Teenage Euthanasia
"covered in baby oil,"
Teenage Euthanasia
"grab the beach ball hanging from the top,"
Teenage Euthanasia
"and toss it into the kiddie pool"
Teenage Euthanasia
"filled with Robitussin and Monster Energy."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- But watch out: as you make your way to the top,"
Teenage Euthanasia
"you'll need to avoid the drunk tourists"
Teenage Euthanasia
"throwing handfuls of coins at you."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Listen to DJ D.O.J., ladies!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"The nickels hurt the most."
Teenage Euthanasia
"Now on your mark, get set, ho!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"[ Air horn blares ]"
Teenage Euthanasia
"Oooh, it's a miss!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"Gonna have to try it again."
Teenage Euthanasia
"[ Screams ]"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Death powers!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Um, I don't know who needs to hear this,"
Teenage Euthanasia
"but old girl's pole is a pile of bugs."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- [ Grunting ]"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Climbing fast for single mother with bad haircut!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Ahh! My bangs look like a scarecrow made of dog fur!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"[ Screams ]"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- [ Grunts ]"
Teenage Euthanasia
"[ Air horn blares ]"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Baba! That floppy chest is prehensile!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"Tell us how you did it! - Lots of sauerkraut."
Teenage Euthanasia
"Fermentation is fitness."
Teenage Euthanasia
"[ Grunting ]"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Now, I'm going to show you some familiar items"
Teenage Euthanasia
"that should produce a strong emotional response."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Flopsie the bear!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"Trophy left her in my crib when she abandoned me."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Right."
Teenage Euthanasia
"But what if I told you that Baba and I actually won this"
Teenage Euthanasia
"at a claw machine outside of a hockey rink"
Teenage Euthanasia
"and made up that story about Trophy?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- I'd -- I'd be completely fine with that."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Interesting. No tears or moisture build-up."
Teenage Euthanasia
"Okay, how about this?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- That's the tiara Baba won at the "Most Stern Woman""
Teenage Euthanasia
"contest from the old country."
Teenage Euthanasia
"She passed it down to me. - Exactly."
Teenage Euthanasia
"But what if I told you Baba and I actually won this"
Teenage Euthanasia
"at a claw machine outside a hockey rink?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"And that Baba would never part with her real prized tiara"
Teenage Euthanasia
"that she hasn't even let me see except in photographs?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Totally fine."
Teenage Euthanasia
"Totally fine. - Hmm."
Teenage Euthanasia
"Okay, here's a video from your tenth birthday party."
Teenage Euthanasia
"♪♪"
Teenage Euthanasia
"Cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"Aw. What are you doing?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- The school therapist calls it Turtle-ing?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"They're still looking for a cure."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- The cure is crying, Annie!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"I know what'll get those peeper pipes flowin':"
Teenage Euthanasia
"let's take a tear-school field trip!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Over the break, each of our felons"
Teenage Euthanasia
"chugged enough malt liquor"
Teenage Euthanasia
"to get their blood alcohol level over .15."
Teenage Euthanasia
"Now they've gotta talk their way out of a DUI."
Teenage Euthanasia
"I wanna see that. You wanna see that?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"Let's go! [ Siren wails ]"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Hi, officer."
Teenage Euthanasia
"I guess I didn't notice I was speeding cause"
Teenage Euthanasia
"I can't see the odometer over these big boobies!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"Do you see them?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"[ Ding! ]"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Mr. Officer, could you put"
Teenage Euthanasia
"a little something at the end of the line?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"I tend to be pretty goal-oriented."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Uh, sure. Here."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Ooh, I love keys!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"That's super helpful."
Teenage Euthanasia
"[ Ding! ]"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- You know what really makes me puke, officer?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"People who drink and drive."
Teenage Euthanasia
"Just the thought of them really makes me..."
Teenage Euthanasia
"[ Buzzer, siren wails ]"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Do you know why I pulled you over today, ma'am?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- No. Baba excellent driver."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Then you won't mind trying to say"
Teenage Euthanasia
"the alphabet backwards for me?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Not problem."
Teenage Euthanasia
"Z. Y."
Teenage Euthanasia
"- And then what? - Puerto Rico?"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Alright, you're under arrest, Baba."
Teenage Euthanasia
"[ Buzzer, siren wails ]"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- This is all your fault, just like my inability"
Teenage Euthanasia
"to tolerate intimacy!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Baba's conscience is like forehead: clear!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- Two down, two to go."
Teenage Euthanasia
"Stay tuned for our speed round, where our final contestants"
Teenage Euthanasia
"take amphetamines and fold pizza boxes!"
Teenage Euthanasia
"[ Ducks quacking ]"
Teenage Euthanasia
"- I can't swim either Uncle Pete."
Teenage Euthanasia
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