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Clips from Workaholics - Straight Up Juggahos (S01E01)

"It's like the wild, wild west up in there,"
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"like Afghanistan, Iraq,"
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"motherfucking Lord of the Rings in there."
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"Y'all don't know about my bedroom."
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"- No, we don't. - Ugh!"
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"- Sweet."
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"- Oh, see, that's the kind of love I'm looking for."
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"- Okay, so we're all in agreement"
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"that Jillian can't come with us to this thing tomorrow."
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"- What-w-why? Why not?"
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"things tend to get punched in the face hard."
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"- Yeah, but she wants to find a man."
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"I'm not about to stand in the way of love."
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"I'm not Billy Zane, man."
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"- Blake, I get it. She's your friend."
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"- Okay, she's your friend too, Roboheart."
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"God!"
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"- Look, all I'm saying is, last time,"
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"I got 25 business cards and 12 Linkedln contacts."
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"I plan on doubling that."
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"But I can't have Jillian stepping on my game."
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"- Wow, Ders."
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"When you were nerding out on some cards,"
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"I was all just droppin' in on it,"
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"lust. hey, hey."
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"- No, you weren't."
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"No, you didn't. You didn't have sex with her."
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"- No, I didn't have sex with her."
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"She had to go home because her dog was sick."
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"We were all worried."
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"Remember that one-legged wheelchair dude from last year?"
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"- Oh! - He's gonna be there."
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"- Oh, yeah, that dude totally punk'd you."
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"Remember what he did, dude?"
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"Oh! He cut off a chunk of your hair, dude."
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"- That was a big chunk of your hair."
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"- Yeah, it was huge. - I know."
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"- Ha-ha! Adam! - You were crying..."
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"- Yes, I think we all remember I was crying."
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"Yes, I was there. - You were crying, dude."
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"Ooh, inside voices. Come on."
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"- You guys are right."
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"because when I just get these hands"
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"around his sweet little wheelchair body,"
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"I'm gonna..."
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"bust him!"
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"- Ooph. - I'm sorry."
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"I just don't want her seeing that side of me."
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"All right. Here's the plan."
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"to take her out the same time as the mixer."
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"create an internet profile."
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"- All right, okay."
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"Interests. What's Jillian into?"
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"- Mm... - She's..."
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"- Um..."
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"- She's a girl, so... Gerard Butler."
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"- Yeah. - Yep."
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"- Yeah, they do. They love him."
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"- Good, good."
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"- Like, "Face down, ass up."
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"- That's the way we like to camp."
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"- Yeah."
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"- Now we just need a picture of her from the internet."
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"Oh, there we go. That one works."
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"- Is, uh-ahem-is there another photo we could use?"
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"- Why? This says, "I'm young, I'm fun,"
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"and I've got a sense of humor," that's for sure."
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"- It also says, "I like to do weird stuff in the bedroom,""
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"which, in this internet era, dudes like that."
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"- Yeah."
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"- But it's not illegal for me to call you,"
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"so I can't get arrested."
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"You know what, I'm gonna call you back tomorrow."
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"- Oh, we got one! - See you. Thank you."
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"- Okay. - Found it."
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"- Yeah, seems fine, like a fairly non-murdery fellow."
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"- Normal-looking dude, if you ask me."
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"- Yeah. - Yeah."
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"- Nice."
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"- Ooh, come in!"
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"how would you like a date"
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"with a Gerard Butleresque..."
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"uberhunk?"
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"- Ooh! More like Gerard Butt Cheeks."
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"- Uh, well, he's our buddy Jake,"
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"- Ooh! Jake? Do I know him?"
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"- No, I don't think you know him."
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"I don't think you've met him. He's a friend of ours."
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"- Yeah, he's a real beef castle."
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"- What's- what's his last name?"
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"- Uh... - Heisen..."
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"- Heisenripbauer?"
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"- Heisenripbauer, yeah. - Heisenripbauer."
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"- Ooh, Mrs. Jillian Heisenripbauer."
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"- He's a science teacher. - He's a science teacher!"
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"- Yes, he is. - Oh, my gosh."
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"Well, I hope we have chemistry!"
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"- Oh, my goodness. - You will!"
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"- Oh, yeah. - Mm-hmm."
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"- Tomorr-oh. But what about the mixer?"
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"- Jillian, forget the mixer."
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"You've got a chance to go on a date with..."
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"Jake."
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"I might be in love."
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"- Oh! - Adam..."
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"Just pretend your parents are here."
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"- Ha-ha! That's the beginning of a break dance, bud."
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"I don't know the rest, but I will learn it."
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"- YEP-"
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"That, my friend,"
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"is totally loose butthole."
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"- Excuse me?"
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"This entire outfit is completely tight butthole."
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"- It's definitely butthole something."
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"- You know what, why don't you guys watch me do what I do"
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"when I do what I do in the bow tie."
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"PW. - Whoo-hoo-hod.!"
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"Here's my card. Take a couple."
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"I got a bunch. I got 'em all."
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"Can I, uh, get some of your cards?"
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