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Clips from Workaholics - Straight Up Juggahos (S01E01)

"I'm a card shark."
Workaholics
"- Jeff, this guy wants our cards."
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"- Or, uh, we could do Linkedln."
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"Digital age. We could do that."
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"Linkedln."
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"- Do I know this guy, Jeff?"
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"Wait a minute."
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"This guy gave me his card last year."
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"- Yep. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah."
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"- You called me, like, 25 times."
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"- No, I called you way more than that."
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"- Whoa-ho-ho!"
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"Just the boo I was looking for."
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"Get in here. - Where you going?"
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"- I'm sorry... Do I know you?"
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"Ehh!"
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"No, we know each other. Last year..."
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"in the stairwell, we..."
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"Underneath the shirt,"
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"over the bra maneuv from the back side."
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"- Yeah, most def. So..."
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"What has been popping off in your world?"
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"I'm super interested."
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"- Look, I don't want to be rude, okay,"
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"but last year was a gigantic mistake."
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"- Oh, yeah, most def. For sure."
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"- You're, like, a five. - Yeah."
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"- And I'm looking for more of like a nine or a ten, you know?"
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"- Oh, yeah, nine, ten, for sure. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah."
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"- Yeah, most def. - Tall, rich, handsome."
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"Can quote funny movies. - Funny movies?"
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"Yeah, baby, yeah!"
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"- ORGY-"
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"- It's ni-ice!"
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"It's ni-ice!"
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"- Worse things have happened."
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"- This guy..."
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"- There he is. Wheelchair guy."
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"Just... cutting in line."
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"- Go get him, dude."
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"- Yeah. - Get him!"
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"- HEY-"
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"Hey, you."
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"- Look who it is."
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"- You are-"
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"Paula Poundstone here is wearing shoulder pads!"
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"Hmm?"
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"- Ow. - Ha-ha-ha!"
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"Whoo! Ooh!"
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"I got to get in there. She said I'm a five."
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"Which is pretty good."
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"- Out of what?"
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"- Five, I think. I'm not sure."
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"- Hey, Jillian."
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"What? No, I can't hear-"
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"Okay, yeah, we'll come get you."
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"Jillian's date's, like, a total psycho."
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"- No, we're not going anywhere."
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"I haven't even gotten a card yet."
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"- The sexy kind, though?"
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"- No. Like real tears. Like Native American tears."
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"- Blake, I'm not gonna leave right now,"
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"'Cause this girl... ♪ Was hot for my flavor ♪"
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"Plus, it's not our fault"
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"that Jillian got stuck at the stupid party..."
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"- 100%. - God damn it."
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"She's at a concert. How bad can a concert be?"
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"- Who the fuck are these people?"
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"- Uh... they're Juggalos."
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"You know, fans of the Insane Clown Posse."
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"Gentlemen, welcome to the Dark Carnival of Souls."
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"All right, guys, I know there's a lot of really fun stuff here,"
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"but let's try not to get sidetracked."
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"- Sidetracked? This entire place should be firebombed."
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"- They all look like Satan."
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"Aah! Oh!"
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"Hey, there you... are."
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"- All right, let's split up"
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"and meet back here in half an hour, let's say?"
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"Whoa! They've got a hatchet throwing contest."
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"Let's make it three hours, huh?"
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"- Okay, Blake, I know the smell of weird"
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"gets your balls all tingly,"
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"but put on the blinders and just find Jillian."
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"- You're right. I'm on the case."
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"The Case to Find the Missing Friend of Mine,"
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"by Blake Chesterfield Henderson."
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"- Oh, Ders got to go that way."
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"- I'm gonna go this way."
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"- I think that guy's following me."
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"- Fine. I'll go this way."
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"- ♪ If magic is all we've ever known ♪"
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"♪ Then it's easy to miss what really goes on ♪"
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"♪ But I've seen miracles in every way ♪"
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"♪ And I see miracles every day ♪"
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"♪ Oceans spanding beyond my sight ♪"
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"♪ And a million stars way above 'em at night ♪"
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"♪ We don't have to be high to look in the sky ♪"
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"♪ And know that's a miracle open wide ♪"
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"- ♪ Do you notice and recognize miracles? ♪"
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"- ♪ It's all around you, you don't even know it ♪"
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"- ♪ Are you a believer in miracles? ♪"
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"♪ Do you notice and recognize miracles? ♪"
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"♪ So many miracles, the magic miracles ♪"
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"Oh, you dropped something, buddy."
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"Human poop fell out of your pants."
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"That fell out."
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"- Hey, sheep."
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"You stray too far from the herd,"
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"and the wolves will get you."
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"- Okeydokey. That's good advice."
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"Cool costume. - Hey."
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"You're the one wearing the costume-"
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"society's costume."
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"- Oh, man."
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"- Society's costume."
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"- This is fun. I'm gonna get going, though."
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"- I'm not afraid of anything, except for maybe carbs,"
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"Those are nunchucks. Whoa!"
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"- Poor little sheepy"
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