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Clips from Workaholics - Straight Up Juggahos (S01E01)

"♪ In the woods, 'cause I was ♪"
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"- Give me the tape!"
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"- Yeah, you are!"
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"who I can spend every day of my life with"
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"- Montez, how you doing?"
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"I can feel that shit right now."
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"- Because when you put Jillian in a room with free wine,"
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"I was nerding into some titties!"
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"Remember that business lady from last year?"
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"Remember what he did?"
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"- Remember how he just held it out there"
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"while you stood there just crying?"
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"Jillian can't be there,"
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"We get Jillian a man"
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"And let's put something to attract guys, like..."
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"That's the way we like to"-"
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"- Uh, "camping" works."
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"- I give him my blessing."
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"- Knock, knock. Knock."
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"and he is just a man hunk."
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"- Rip. - Bauer."
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"- Yeah, anyways, yeah, Jake Heisenripbauer"
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"would love to go to a concert with you tomorrow."
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"- Heisenripbauer. - That name."
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"- Gentlemen, Anders Holmvik. TelAmeriCorp, sales assosh."
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"- Just a little hug-aroo for ya."
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"I like. I'll say that."
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"- I was drunker than I thought."
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"" Oh!"
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"- Check it out, guys."
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"- You again. What do you want?"
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"Okay. Okay."
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"I'm sorry. We got to go."
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"- Ders, she was crying."
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"Except that I just realized that it is our fault."
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"- Okay, I call this way. - I got that way."
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"- Oh, excuse me."
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"Nope, that is poop."
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"'cause I'm in a cutting phase right now."
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"That one got close. All righty."
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"to just be a faceless drone in a bullshit society..."
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"- Hey, guys, maybe you could help me out."
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"I'm kind of lost. I'm looking for somebody."
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"Honestly, I could go for a vitaminwater or a juice."
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"- Okay, easy, man. I'm just trying to help."
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"- Awesome, dude. Can I give it a try?"
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"- Whoa."
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"- It doesn't matter."
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"Because now you are..."
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"something that has an edge to it."
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"Uh, I tell you, it started two years ago"
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"- So the makeup, that's-"
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"but we actually have fun here."
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"You want to give it a shot, just let me know."
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"- Blake! What are you doing here?"
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"No. Uh-uh."
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"- I think he's dead. - Wakey bakey."
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"Especially her."
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"but I've just had a really horrible day,"
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"Show those Juggahos how we do."
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"- Yes. Ideally, a butthole."
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"♪ Talk about those ♪"
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"- Whoa! What the hell?"
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"- Who are you?"
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"- Hey, Jeff, look who's back."
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"number one hatchet salesman in the southwest region."
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"- Jeff, what's a Der?"
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"- Quite the quan-trary."
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"You see, I've learned a lot about family today."
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"- Thanks, man."
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"- That's right, ninja. Time to suck this nunchuck!"
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"- Ladies and... Waymond,"
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"direct your attention to the front of the room"
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"for a short video presentation."
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"- ♪ They found me ♪"
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"♪ Raised by wolves ♪"
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"'Scuse me, Beth?"
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"'Scuse me."
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"Okay, 'scuse me."
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"Just- can you move, please?"
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"How does this turn off, man?"
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"It's not funny."
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"Oh, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Thanks a ton."
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"Yeah, it's out there. I'm secretly a rap artist."
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"An artist. Give me the tape."
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"Give me the tape. - No."
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"- ♪ I'm fresh ♪"
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"- ♪ You gotta, you gotta, you gotta ♪"
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"- ♪ You gotta be fresh ♪"
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"- So did you, like, used to be in some sort of crew?"
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"- Yeah, yeah, it was a crew of all-there was five of us."
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"- ♪ MC Ders in your butt ♪"
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"- Jesus Christ, Jillian."
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"- Great rapping, Anders."
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"You're like an Icelandic Raekwon."
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"- Oh. - Ders, what's up?"
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"How come you don't bring out the, uh,"
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"the flavor a little more?"
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"I thought it was pretty dope."
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"- Could we talk about something different?"
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"- Are you guys ready to get SLOPPY"
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"at the young professionals wine and cheese thing tomorrow?"
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"- Yes, totally. - Yeah."
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"- Are you going to that as well?"
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"- Oh, heck to the yeah."
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"I'm looking for a true love companion"
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"until we die on the exact same day."
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"Same breath-"
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"- How does it look like I'm doing?"
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"I'm on top of the goddamn world."
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"- Right! Hey, can I get the creamer?"
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"- I got up at 5:30 in the A.M. this morning."
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"5:30 in the goddamn A.M."
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"Y'all wanna know why? - Yeah."
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"- Uh, because you had sex with your wife."
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"- Laid out the tarp,"
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"got out that good-ass baby oil, and I was in it,"
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"just bah, bah, got in my power stance,"
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"and I was like kah-kah-kah-kah-kah!"
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"'Cause there's only one rule in my bedroom."
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