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Clips from The Good Place - Pilot (S01E01)

"For right now,"
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"better grab a seat."
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"Movie's about to begin."
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"And welcome to your first day in the afterlife."
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"You were all, simply put, good people."
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"But how do we know that you were good?"
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"How are we sure?"
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"- During your time on Earth, - _"
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"every one of your actions"
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"had a positive or a negative value,"
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"depending on how much good or bad"
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"that action put into the universe."
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"- every time you bought a magazine, - _"
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"every single thing you did"
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"had an effect that rippled out over time"
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"and ultimately created some amount of good or bad."
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"You know how some people pull into the breakdown lane"
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"And they think to themselves,"
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"Ah, who cares? No one's watching."
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"We were watching."
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"Surprise."
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"we calculate the total value of your life"
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"using our perfectly accurate measuring system."
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"What happens to everyone else, you ask?"
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"Don't worry about it."
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"The point is, you are here because you lived"
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"one of the very best lives"
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"that could be lived."
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"And you won't be alone."
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"Your true soul mate is here too."
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"That's right."
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"Soul mates are real."
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"One of the other people in your neighborhood"
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"is your actual soul mate,"
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"and you will spend eternity together."
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"So welcome to eternal happiness."
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"Sponsored by:"
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"otters holding hands while they sleep."
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"You know the way you feel when you see"
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"a picture of two otters holding hands?"
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"That's how you're gonna feel every day."
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"So who is in the Bad Place, that would shock me?"
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"Uh, well, Mozart,"
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"Picasso, Elvis,"
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"basically every artist ever,"
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"uh, every U.S. president except Lincoln."
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"That sounds about right."
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"What about Florence Nightingale?"
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"That was close, but, no, she didn't make it."
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"Wow, all those amazing people"
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"down there, it just seems so hard to believe."
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"Again, it's an incredibly selective system."
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"Most people don't make it here."
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"But you, a lawyer who got innocent people off death row,"
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"you're special, Eleanor."
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"And by the way,"
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"Oh, it's perfect, isn't it?"
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"You see, in the Good Place,"
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"every person gets to live in a home"
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"that perfectly matches his or her true essence."
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"Cool."
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"So I guess that's why my house, for example,"
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"is this adorable little cottage,"
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"whereas other people might have homes that are bigger,"
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"like that one."
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"Exactly."
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"As you can see, the interior has been"
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"decorated just as you like it,"
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"in the Icelandic primitive style."
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"Oh, oh, and, uh, of course,"
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"you love clowns, so..."
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"I do love clowns."
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"Now, let me show you the, uh..."
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"the video system here."
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"You can review everything that happened in your life"
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"from your point of view."
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"There we go."
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"This is your Human Rights mission to the Ukraine."
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"I mean, you got a ton of points for that one."
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"It really put you over the top."
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"Chidi, come on in."
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"Eleanor?"
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"I'm Chidi Anagonye,"
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"and you are my soul mate."
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"Now, excuse me."
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"I have other people to attend to."
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"So where you from, Chidi?"
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"Well, I was born in Nigeria,"
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"raised in Senegal,"
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"Australia, Hong Kong, Paris."
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"What about you?"
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"Uh, well, I... I was born in Phoenix."
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"- Mm-hmm. - Arizona."
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"And then I went to school in Tempe, Arizona."
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"And then I moved back to Phoenix, Arizona."
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"Your English is amazing."
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"Oh!"
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"I'm actually speaking French."
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"This place just translates whatever you say"
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"into a language the other person can understand."
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"- So it's incredible. - Whoa."
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"And now I want to say this."
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"Eleanor."
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"in pursuit of fundamental truths about the universe."
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"And now we can actually learn about them"
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"together as soul mates."
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"It's overwhelming."
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"Of course I will."
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"Promise me. Say, I promise"
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"Eleanor, I swear"
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"that I will never say or do anything"
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"to cause you any harm."
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"Good."
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"I wasn't a lawyer. I never went to the Ukraine."
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"I hate clowns."
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"There's been a big mistake."
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"Are you sure this isn't you?"
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"Yeah, man, I'm pretty sure"
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"I wasn't a death row lawyer"
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"who collected clown paintings"
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