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Clips from The Good Place - Pilot (S01E01)

"_"
The Good Place
"in cases of traumatic or embarrassing deaths,"
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"All right, so you were in a grocery store parking lot."
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"but it swept you right out into the street"
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"an erectile dysfunction pill called Engorge-ulate."
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"Well, let's see. Hindus are a little bit right,"
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"I mean, is this..."
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"and there's a Bad Place."
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"Each one contains exactly 322 people"
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"Some have warm weather, some cold."
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"There's a lot of frozen yogurt places."
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"You're gonna have a million more questions, I know."
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"- Ah. Hello, everyone. - _"
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"- Every sandwich you ate, - _"
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"when there's traffic?"
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"Anyway, when your time on Earth has ended,"
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"Only the people with the very highest scores,"
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"Welcome to the Good Place."
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"welcome to your new home."
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"Oh, I'm so happy you get it."
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"Oh."
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"Cool, bring it in, man."
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"but my work took me all over the place..."
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"Mm-kay."
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"Chidi."
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"You'll stand by my side no matter what, right?"
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"I will never betray you for any reason."
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"Because those aren't my memories."
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"I'm not supposed to be here."
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"Wait, what?"
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"I guess a lot of people in this neighborhood"
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"I was... in..."
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"NasaPRO and NasaPRO Silver."
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"We aim this at seniors."
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"How can I help you?"
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"What the fork? Who are you?"
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"You can ask her about"
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"Oh, there was a guy who lived"
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"The bear has two mouths!"
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"and hope that they don't notice me."
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"I mean, what was your job?"
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"Tahani and Jianyu are having a little"
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"welcome party tonight, and they've invited"
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"Um, just tell me something neutral about yourself."
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"Do you have a second to talk about the environment?"
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"I wasn't an arsonist."
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"and that makes me think that you definitely did do that."
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"these people might be good,"
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"and the other half in Saudi Arabia"
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"from the area surrounding the orphanage."
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"Oh, forget it. Heading to the bar!"
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"that I have ever designed."
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"That's it for me. Back to you, Tahani."
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"Um, and I would just like to quickly say"
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"Why does she still have that British accent, right?"
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"No one else here has an accent."
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"Whatever, it's freakin' heaven."
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"Anagonye."
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"Aganocomonga."
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"Argrugande. Ariana Grande."
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"I did it."
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"Oh, fork."
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"Chidi, Chidi!"
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"Why are there giant animals everywhere?"
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"Do you hear Ariana Grande playing?"
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"We don't know this is because of me."
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"Not everybody here is perfect, okay?"
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"you know, chunksters."
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"No judgment. I'm just saying"
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"and now there are giraffes everywhere."
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"I should get to spend eternity in a medium place!"
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"Let me be your ethical guinea pig."
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"My soul is in your hands, soul mate."
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"Hello? Front desk lady?"
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"It is 100% confidential."
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"No one can access what you ask me,"
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"- Sweat. - Right, right."
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"Do... do you lick it away, is that right?"
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"No, you dab it with a cloth."
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"Oh, right."
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"Michael."
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"Look!"
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"Okay. That's a good sign."
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"Please, help me, man."
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"I swear I am worth it."
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"The Real Housewives of Atlanta,"
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"and your favorite... book"
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"You are the most self-obsessed person"
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"You should see Kendall Jenner's Instagram feed."
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"Everyone here believes in my integrity 100%, right, guys?"
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"For the record,"
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"If I check the other ones, I can figure it out"
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"Things have settled down."
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"that everyone has always wanted to do."
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"Now that you're dead, let's live a little, right?"
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"large swaths of this neighborhood were destroyed."
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"to pick up garbage all day."
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"There's something fun that you want to do,"
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"Which do you choose?"
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"Hey, up there,"
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"but better."
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"the likes of which I've never seen."
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"are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
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"helping you is pointless,"
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"The more you practice, the more you improve."
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"I mean, most people agree he was the best one."
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"Well, I've narrowed it down to two possibilities:"
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"Hey, guys."
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"Okay, Eleanor, reminder."
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"in the system I accidentally discovered."
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"Beep! Beep!"
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"and yet, somehow, I can taste each individual one."
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"Look, I... I appreciate you trying to cheer me up."
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"and now I've blown it."
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"Oh, Tahani,"
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"is angled a... a fraction of a degree off..."
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"Whose dog is that?"
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"Five more minutes, flyers!"
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"Ow! What the fork?"
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"Okay, all right, that's all right."
The Good Place
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