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Clips from 30 Rock - Fireworks (S01E01)

"Wow. Hot-dog times, huh?"
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"- I only eat them on special occasions. - What's the special occasion?"
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"- You going this way? - No, I'm going in here, actually."
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"Liz, I want you to meet Devon Banks. He's in from L.A. Devon, this is Lemon."
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"You guys... You're the real heroes."
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"We made it"
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"He's here to dazzle the old men with his Webisode ideas, but I have ideas, too."
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"They can do shapes now. One time I saw a cowboy hat."
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"Those jokes you wrote for my Mitt Romney fundraiser were top-notch."
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"How do you know it's not your child?"
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"and she never got all the way out of her tollbooth."
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"OK. Let's get back to work, guys."
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"What can I do for you?"
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"- OK. What kinds of questions? - I'll write them down for you."
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"Now, Kenneth, have you ever used bronzer?"
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"I'll let you know when I have the results."
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"Different time, the '60s."
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"No, that would never work. If I'd told my wife in college,"
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""Hey, I'm gonna lose all this beautiful hair and fart in my sleep for the next 20 years,""
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"Sorry."
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"And a drama about two cops..."
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"- Fruit punch, please! - Right."
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"If you'll excuse me, I'll go slip into something a little more comfortable."
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"Like in the movies!"
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""What projects are you working on near/long-term?""
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"- Jasper Buckleman? - No, Tracy."
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"My whole persona is based on an in-depth analysis"
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"This is how black people dial a phone."
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"Let's be honest with each other. I'll go first."
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"and I leave particles of guys like you in my wind."
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"Excuse me a sec."
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"- It was great. - Yeah, that's not OK."
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"I love him."
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"Liz, what are you gonna do?"
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"The only reason I sent you to Banks was to get information."
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"Kenneth, you are the worst gay bait ever."
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"When that man used Rerun to bootleg that Doobie Brothers concert."
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"- And you want me to kill him. - No. I need you to distract him."
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"You've got to make sure he doesn't leave that hotel room tomorrow morning."
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"Just like Sydney Bristow on "Alias,""
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"I'll use my sexuality as a weapon."
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"- 8:00 a.m. Thursday. Are you ready? - Yeah, I've been working on it all week."
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"that caused you to develop a sense of humour as a coping mechanism."
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"But in any case, I'm glad you're on my team."
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"There's been a black man inside of me for a long time."
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"Now there's a white guy up in here, too!"
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"It's like an audience for a Bobby McFerrin concert in here!"
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"who had achieved an officer's rank during the Civil War."
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"Let me see that."
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"Arbor Day, the Boston Marathon, and Hitler's birthday."
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"- Sorry. - Sorry."
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"All right, Tracy, I have the DNA results right here."
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"meet your father, Tom!"
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"I don't know who I am any more!"
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"...which I invented,"
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"where every night we watch one of the AFI Top 100 movies."
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"It's against the rules."
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"Right, but isn't that one of those rules like,"
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"Liz, I need the rules."
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"Well, I was in the neighbourhood."
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"Yeah. That's the business."
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"Yep. Touch your belt buckle! Oh, touch the peacock."
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"- Do you want some coff... - Oh, boy!"
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"It makes me seem just nut-log, Anne Heche crazy,"
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"No! No. That..."
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"- I know. - That's supposed to be a safe place."
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"No, no. No. I'm going."
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"than those people that worked with Tootsie."
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"Bear with me. Sorry."
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"Gentlemen, lady..."
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"What am I talking about?"
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"made exclusively for your mobile phone."
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"Or..."
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"fireworks."
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"Banks here wants to make TV smaller,"
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"Can you get those fireworks that look like... cowboy hats?"
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"You sure can."
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"Don't bother coming in, Lemon. You're off the project."
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"I don't have time for this. You've made your priorities clear."
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"- Yo, Toof, how you doing? - Not good."
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"He said it's not about who you were."
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"It's about who you are right now."
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"No, Toofer. Give in to your heritage."
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"Kill Tracy."
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"to drown out the sound of her and my dad fighting,"
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"like... never."
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"There is an 80% chance in the next election"
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"Consequently, I have some weird sexual-fantasy stuff"
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"about Gopher from "The Love Boat.""
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"except mine's the one from "Caddyshack.""
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"Well, that makes sense because he's a very good dancer."
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"Now, without further ado, three hours of fireworks!"
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"On a day that's not the 4th of July."
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"Oh, my God!"
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"Oh, the cowboy hat!"
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"- I decided to eat one. - Fair enough."
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"I'll see you later."
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"Church on a Tuesday?"
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"But he seems so normal."
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"I know. Right?"
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"And this is Kenneth, one of our pages. Kenneth, this is Devon Banks,"
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"our vice president of West Coast News Web content and theme-park talent relations."
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"Devon, you better watch out. Kenneth might take your job one day."
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"Or your job, Jack."
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"Or his job!"
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"Why don't we just..."
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"Morning. My notes."
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"Dude, how can we be wearing the same outfit?"
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"You saw me leave the apartment this morning."
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"I saw you put it on. I thought it looked nice."
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"- How long are you staying with me? - Indefinitely."
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"- Hi, love the show. - Thank you."
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"Look, I got to go. Thanks for the tour."
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"They get younger every year."
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"You're worried about him?"
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"Banks is in New York for a reason, and I intend to send him back to L.A."
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"Wow, if this turns into a showdown,"
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"you guys could settle it with a Talking-like-this contest."
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"Banks is no slouch."
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"He pioneered the concept of 10-second Internet sitcoms."
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