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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Pork Chop Indeterminacy (S01E01)

"...it'll create a black hole and swallow up the Earth, ending life as we know it."
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""We are testing a new medication for social anxiety..."
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"Hello."
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"Sorry I'm late. I'm working on a project..."
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"So how do you two know each other?"
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"That's because you have no measurable sense of humor, Shelly."
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"So, Missy, what brings you all the way from Texas?"
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"So what? I don't issue invitations to your mother."
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"Is that what that was? I just assumed..."
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"Oh. Eh...."
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"I'm not ignoring my sister. I'm ignoring all of you."
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"You're welcome."
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"You're welcome."
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"God, yes. Thanks."
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"You're welcome."
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"Hey, look at me, I don't have a foreskin."
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"They're hitting on your sister. Ugh. It's...."
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"...if you'd begun with that thought."
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"We do share DNA."
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"Now that Leonard's made me aware of how high the genetic stakes are..."
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"Why not put a little mocha in the family latte?"
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"Here. Eat this cheese without farting, and you can sleep with my sister."
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"We all make mistakes. Let's move on."
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"Okay."
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"Now, I am not saying that I should be the sole decider of who you mate with."
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"I always thought I was more like a cuckoo bird."
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"If you wanna start acting like a brother who cares about me, terrific."
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"I will find an appropriate sperm donor for your eggs..."
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"...have them fertilized and implanted in you."
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"Oh, and then I believe she has to wash her hair."
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"Ow! Ow, ow, ow."
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"And he's down."
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"I've come to call on Missy."
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"Okay."
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"Missy."
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"- Really? - Yep."
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"I'm always bragging to my friends about my brother, the rocket scientist."
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"A rocket scientist, how humiliating."
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"On the other hand, some physicists are concerned that if this supercollider works..."
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"What a bunch of crybabies."
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"No guts, no glory, man."
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"Hey, check it out."
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"The School of Pharmacology is looking for volunteers."
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"...panic attacks, agoraphobia and obsessive-compulsive disorder.""
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"Why would they be looking for test subjects here?"
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"I don't know, Raj."
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"Maybe the comic-book store doesn't have a bulletin board."
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"- What's going on? - Shh! Hot girl in Sheldon's office."
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"Sheldon's office?"
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"Is she lost?"
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"I don't think so. I followed her here from the parking lot."
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"- Maybe she's his lawyer. - Well, she's free to examine my briefs."
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"- Howard-- - I know, I'm disgusting."
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"I should be punished."
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"By her. Oh, look, I did it again."
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"- Well, that should do it. - Thank you for coming by."
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"Oh, hey, buddy."
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"Buddy?"
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"...that may take me up on the next space shuttle."
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"Well, how can you be late? I wasn't expecting you at all."
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"Nobody ever expects me."
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"Sometimes you just look, and bam, Howard Wolowitz."
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"- Sheldon, are you gonna introduce us? - Oh, all right. This is Missy."
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"Missy, this is Leonard and Rajesh, and you've already met Howard."
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"- It's nice to meet you. - You too, as well also."
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"Yeah."
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"Oh, he once spent nine months with my legs wrapped around his head."
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"Excuse me?"
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"She's my twin sister."
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"She thinks she's funny, but frankly, I've never been able to see it."
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"How exactly would one measure a sense of humor?"
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"A humormometer?"
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"Well, I think you're delightfully droll. Or as the French say:"
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"Okay, so let me see if I got this. Leonard, Howard and--"
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"I'm sorry, what was your name again?"
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"Rajesh."
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"Was it perhaps destiny? I think it was destiny."
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"My friend's getting married at Disneyland."
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"Destiny, thy name is Anaheim."
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"And I had to drop off some papers for Shelly to sign for my dad's estate."
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"The papers could've been mailed. Mom sent you here to spy on me, didn't she?"
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"I guess that's why they call you a genius."
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"They call me a genius because I'm a genius."
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"Tell Mom that I currently weigh 165 pounds..."
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"...and that I'm having regular bowel movements."
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"Enjoy the wedding. Goodbye."
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"- Whoa, whoa. - Whoa, whoa."
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"If the wedding's not till tomorrow, why don't you stay with us tonight?"
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"- No, we don't. - Come on, Shelly, she's family."
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"It would be nice not to have to drive to Anaheim in rush hour."
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"And don't ever call me Shelly."
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"So it's settled. You'll stay with us."
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"I'll walk you to your car. You're in Structure 3, Level C, right?"
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"What just happened?"
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"...with crooked eyebrows my mom drew on."
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"...that the second-grade curriculum had rendered you quizzical."
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"Hey, Leonard, you left your underwear in the drier downstairs."
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"Pfft."
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"Those are not mine."
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"Really? They have your little name label in them."
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"Oh, yeah, no, I use those..."
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"...just to polish up my spearfishing equipment."
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"I spearfish."
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"When I'm not crossbow hunting, I spearfish."
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"Penny, this is Sheldon's twin sister. Missy, this is our neighbor Penny."
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"- Hi. - Wow, you don't look that much alike."
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"Can I get a hallelujah?"
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"Fraternal twins come from two separate eggs."
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"They are no more alike than any other siblings."
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"Hallelujah."
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"They mentioned there may be side effects."
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"So, Missy..."
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"...have you ever met a man from the exotic subcontinent of lndia?"
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"- Well, there's Dr. Patel at our church. - Yes, Patel. Good man."
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"Do you like motorcycles? Because I ride a hog."
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"...it was us."
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"- So Sheldon's sister is pretty cute, huh? - I wasn't staring."
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"Maybe. If you like women who are tall."
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"And perfect."
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"Sheldon, why are you ignoring your sister?"
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