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Clips from South Park - Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride (S01E01)

"- There he goes again. - Get down, Sparky!"
South Park
"Gay dog."
South Park
"- I'm not prepared either. - Make something up, like Eric did."
South Park
"Okay. Asian culture has plagued our Earth for years. We must end it..."
South Park
"Excellent, A minus."
South Park
"- Wow, cool! - Why the hell does he get an A minus?"
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"- That's not fair! - Life isn't fair. Get used to it."
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"Stupid puppet."
South Park
"Don't forget your assignments. They're due for everyone but Stan."
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"- Mr. Garrison, can I ask a question? - What is it?"
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"...I guess you came to the right person. Sit down."
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"Evil down to their black hearts, which pump not blood..."
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"...but a vomitous oil that oozes through their veins..."
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"Good boy. Now shake."
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"Don't be gay, Spark. Don't be gay."
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"- I want $500 on the South Park Cows. - Are you crazy?"
South Park
"I'll put all my money on the Cows."
South Park
"- Are you sure Stan is that good? - Not that sure."
South Park
"John Stamos' older brother Richard Stamos is singing "Loving You.""
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"Now pay attention. Sparky, this is Fifi."
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"- Crap! Now what? - Who cares if your dog's gay?"
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"No way. My mom says God hates gay people."
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"Yea. Many of you are seeking answers and I am the way for you, my children."
South Park
"This is Robert from Torrey Pines. I asked for advice on my ex-wife."
South Park
"She hasn't mouthed off since. Thank you for the advice."
South Park
"And for dying for my sins. That was nice of you."
South Park
"My son, many have wondered what my stance on homosexuality is."
South Park
"That's all for Jesus and Pals. Stay tuned for Marty's Movie Reviews."
South Park
"Marty's Movie Reviews are on? Kick ass!"
South Park
"We have to go practice."
South Park
"Now, children, we've got to handle the ball better."
South Park
"- Chef? - Ever so gently."
South Park
"Chef!"
South Park
"- Mr. Chef? - We still don't have a helmet for you."
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"John Stamos' older brother is singing "Loving You" during halftime."
South Park
"We want it to go off when he hits the high F."
South Park
"Put the trigger on the "doot-en-doo"?"
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"I can't concentrate because my dog is gay."
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"You know what they say. You can't teach a gay dog straight tricks."
South Park
"You of all people should be sympathetic."
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"What the hell are you talking about? I am not gay!"
South Park
"- What's wrong? - I can't find Sparky."
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"He usually follows me."
South Park
"I'm glad you found my Big Gay Animal Sanctuary."
South Park
"- Did you check the shopping...? - We'll look after the game."
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"- I'm not playing. - You what?"
South Park
"- Hello there, Enrique. - What are we doing here?"
South Park
"And when John Stamos' older brother hits that high F, boom!"
South Park
"Goddamn, I love football!"
South Park
"Sparky! Sparky!"
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"- Play ball! - You're quarterback, Kyle."
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"- Looks like that bomb's still attached. - Yay."
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"Hi, fellas. It's so super to see you!"
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"Of course, silly buns! It's the one place where they can be themselves."
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"Hike me the ball, somebody run and I'll throw. Ready? Break!"
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"We'll just see about that!"
South Park
"Set, set..."
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"- Damn it, Cartman! - What's the matter?"
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"- Cartman farted! - That was just my shoes."
South Park
"Come on! We'll get a delay of game penalty."
South Park
"The ball is snapped. Middle Park blitzes!"
South Park
"The score's 7-0 Middle Park, with 1 4:57 remaining in the first."
South Park
"Right, I gotta watch that."
South Park
"If we lose money because of your nephew, we'll hang you out to dry."
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"We can work on making you not gay together. Sparky?"
South Park
"Welcome aboard the Big Gay Boat Ride!"
South Park
"The Cows are set to receive. There's the kick."
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"He's at the 50, the 40, the 30..."
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"- Hold him! - Hold him!"
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"At least let us scrape him off the field!"
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"Uh-oh, look out, it's the oppressors!"
South Park
"Isn't this precious?"
South Park
"Now here to sing "Loving You" is the one and only John Stamos' brother!"
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"All right, Richard!"
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"What the hell? He didn't sing the high F."
South Park
"Richard can't sing a high F, he always screws it up."
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"It's obvious where the talent in that family went!"
South Park
"Thanks for everything, Big Gay Al."
South Park
"I gotta get to the football game. Come on, boy."
South Park
"I will, Big Gay Al, I will."
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"The Cows are being molested by Middle Park!"
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"You said beating the spread was a sure thing!"
South Park
"We all put our life savings in this game!"
South Park
"You're a dead man, Jimbo!"
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"Where the hell have you been?"
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"Jesus, I haven't asked for much. All we need is one little score."
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"- Please. Please, Jesus! - Leave me alone."
South Park
"Stan steps back to pass..."
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"Oh, my! I haven't seen a Jew run like that since Poland, 1 938!"
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"Touchdown!"
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"Speech!"
South Park
"What do you want to tell the world about this stunning almost-victory?"
South Park
"It's really cool that we beat the spread."
South Park
"Being gay is part of nature and a beautiful thing."
South Park
"He showed me his sanctuary and took me on a boat ride..."
South Park
"You need to lay off the cough syrup. Seriously. I'm worried about you."
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"Oliver! I thought you ran away all those months ago."
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"- Sidney! - Willie!"
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"- There you are. How's it going? - I'm super, thanks for asking."
South Park
"It looks like now my work here is done."
South Park
"- You guys, I can do it. - Do what?"
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"Sparky will kick his ass!"
South Park
"- What do you mean? - That dog is a gay homosexual."
South Park
"Okay, children, I know you're excited and nervous..."
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"- I still don't have a helmet. - We can't afford helmets for everyone."
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"- Does it always have to be me? - I'm afraid it does."
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"Sorry, son. Get your ass in there!"
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"Hike the damn ball!"
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"- Attaboy! - Great pass, Stan!"
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"- Sparky, get down! - What's he doing to my dog?"
South Park
"I'm glad my dog isn't gay."
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"Now you go and practice football like a good little heterosexual."
South Park
"Like who?"
South Park
"Being naughty with the football."
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"We want to put a trigger on that bomb..."
South Park
"...that makes it go off at a specific moment."
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"- What high F? - You know."
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"Have you been outcast?"
South Park
"Sparky, where are you? Where could he be?"
South Park
"Hey, where's little Stanley?"
South Park
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