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Clips from South Park - Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride (S01E01)

"My new dog Sparky. He followed me."
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"- Who's my buddy? - You're making me sick, dude!"
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"- He's not meaner than Sparky! - Let's see. Hey, Sylvester!"
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"- I'll put a dollar on Sylvester. - You're on!"
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"That's it, Sparky! Kick his ass!"
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"He's just confused."
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"The other dog's the one that's confused."
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"Sick! Shut up, dude!"
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"Stan's dog's a homo! Stan's dog's a homo!"
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"You can't always score, but when you do..."
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"Now, let's start practice."
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"Hut, hut, hut, hut, hut. Hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut..."
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"- Hey, how's practice coming there, Chef? - Oh, fine."
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"I won't remind you how important the game is to us South Park alumni."
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"I got it! I got it!"
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"Nonsense! Not with my nephew at quarterback. Right, Stanley?"
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"Ned, we gotta get our asses to the bookie!"
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"That was a good practice, children. We'll see you here tomorrow."
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"Stan, is that your dog?"
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"He must have followed me. You see, he is smart."
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"Stan didn't mention his dog is a gay homosexual."
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"So, Simon and Simon were not brothers in real life, only on television."
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"Thank you, Eric, but the assignment was on Asian cultures. D minus."
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"- Damn it! - Who should we call on next, Mr. Hat?"
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"How about Stan, our South Park quarterback star?"
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"Good idea. Okay, Stanley, you're next."
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"Stanley might lead our team to victory for the first time in decades."
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"- What's a homosexual? - Oh, well, Stanley..."
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"...clots in their brains, which causes their Nazi-esque violent behavior."
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"- Do you understand? - I guess."
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"You see me block that defense today? I was kicking ass."
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"Shut up, dude! Sparky, where'd you get that pink scarf?"
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"He just needs some training, that's all. Sit, Sparky."
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"Hey, Stan, your dog been to any pride marches lately?"
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"- Stupid gay dog. - Gay dog."
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"No siree, I tell you, I got the line."
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"My nephew's the best quarterback the school's ever seen."
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"- I'll put 300 on the Cows too. - I wanna put money on the Cows too!"
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"- You better be right about this, Jimbo. - Don't worry yourself."
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"Let's see... Hey, bookie, what's the halftime show?"
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"- I love that song. - "Loving You"? That's perfect."
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"Middle Park will get a halftime show they'll never forget."
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"Sparky, we got you a present. Why don't...?"
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"Where do you keep getting this? No pink bandanna. Bad dog!"
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"Yes!"
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"Maybe it's not bad."
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"That's why he smoked the Sodomies in France."
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"I know. Mr. Garrison said homosexuals are evil. But Sparky isn't."
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"Now back to Jesus and Pals on South Park public access."
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"- Of course. How are things now? - Everything's better."
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"Hi, Jesus, I have a dog and he's a homosexual."
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"I got cut off for Marty's Movie Reviews!"
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"Can't anybody help me? Doesn't anybody care?"
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"Gently, yet firmly."
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"Sorry, children. Let's run some plays."
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"I guess not."
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"No, damn it. The:"
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"You got it."
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"All right. Yeah, okay."
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"- Well, you sure do act like it. - I do that to get chicks, dumb-ass."
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"We're all big gay friends here. Would you like to live with us?"
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"Come on in, little fellow. Nobody will ever oppress you here."
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"Have you seen Sparky? He's not back."
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"I'm not playing. I have to find my dog."
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"Come on, Ned. And keep quiet."
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"But this year we're gonna booby-trap it."
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"Oh, come on, Stan."
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"No, Pip."
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"Why is that Jewish kid playing quarterback?"
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"Ned, look! They've got Enrique on their sidelines."
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"- Well, let's see. Come on in. - Do you have lots of gay dogs here?"
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"We have all sorts of gay animals here. Over here we have a gay lion."
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"We have gay water buffalo. Here's a gaggle of gay gooses."
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"Wow, the animals are really happy."
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"- You're toast. - We're gonna pound your heads in."
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"Hell's bells."
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"Haven't seen a beating like that since Rodney King!"
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"Don't y'all worry, you just wait till halftime."
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"Sparky! Hi, Sparky, how's it going?"
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"I miss you, old pal. You really had me scared."
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"Let's go home. I can still make the game."
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"- It appears you still don't understand. - What don't I understand?"
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"With a minute left in the half..."
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"Step aboard, Stanley."
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"On this adventure, we'll see the gay world throughout time."
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"Yes, he's been decapitated!"
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"Looks like the Cows won't beat the 72 point spread, not by a long shot."
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"Gayness has existed since the beginning of time."
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"From the Egyptian pharaohs to the shoguns of Japan."
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"- What do you think, Stan? - This kicks ass."
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"I'm sorry I tried to change you. I didn't understand."
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"Oh, my carrot cake!"
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"This should just about wrap it up... Wait, what's this?"
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"- Getting my best friend back. - Get in there, boy."
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"Give them hell, Stanley!"
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"And he throws it to Kyle, the little Jewish kid."
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"The final score is Middle Park Cowboys, 73. South Park Cows, 6."
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"- And it's okay to be gay. - What?"
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"What is he talking about?"
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"Stanley, you arrived late. Where were you that whole time?"
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"With my new friend, Big Gay Al."
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"...where I learned all about the wonders of gaiety."
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"It's true, I'll show you."
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"Carlos!"
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"Thank you so much for bringing everybody here."
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"Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride"
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"He's part Doberman and wolf. He's the toughest dog."
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"No way! Everybody knows that Sylvester is the toughest dog in South Park."
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"Sparky, bad dog!"
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"...about the homecoming game against Middle Park."
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"Remember what I taught you:"
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"That football is like making love to a really beautiful woman."
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"...it makes all the trying worthwhile."
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"- Mr. Chef, sir? - Yes, Pip, what is it?"
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"Couldn't we rotate who doesn't have a helmet?"
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"- Elementary alumni? - That's as far as most got."
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"Can we beat the spread against Middle Park?"
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"- I don't know. What's the spread? - Middle Park by 70 points."
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"We don't have a chance."
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"My dog Rex follows me to football practice all the time."
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