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Clips from NewsRadio - Jackass Junior High (S04E04)

"No. No."
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"No, I've got a pretty full plate. Thank you."
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"that means I'm the only woman in the office today."
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"[ Bill ] Well, what do you know? Yeah!"
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"[ Belches ]"
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"Bill, you know, some people find that disgusting."
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"- I'm a chick. - Yeah, but that's different."
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"[ Both Belching ]"
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"I'm sorry, I swallowed too much air. I was trying to burp."
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"I didn't know we've replaced the morning meeting with a belching contest."
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"I am gonna show you gentlemen how this thing is done."
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"Oh, oh. Well, I'm-- I'm sorry, but these, uh,"
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"Yeah, that's why we hired Mark Davis."
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"[ Gravelly Voice ] Well, couldn't I have a shot at it?"
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"What?"
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"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings or anything,"
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"No, but--"
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"[ Rings ] Hello. Yes, this is Dave Nelson."
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"Okay, folks, come on. Move on in. Oh, yes, yes, yes."
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"Don't worry. He won't bite. Yeah. Okay, hold on a second."
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"This is Dave apithecus erectus. One of the very few in captivity."
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"[ Laughing ] Can you hold on just one second?"
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"Oh, dear Lord. I'm sorry. Can you-- Do you mind?"
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"I'm gonna have to call you back, all right? Just--"
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"Matthew, what are you doing?"
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"Uh-oh, folks, looks like it's getting close to feeding time."
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"the broadcast room."
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"Booth. Whatever."
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"No, drop character, Dave. Don't worry about it. The tour's gone on."
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"About 45 minutes. But--"
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"Mr. James, do you have any idea why Matthew is-- Dave, check it out."
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"No, sir, that's-- that's-- that's obviously supposed to be 1983."
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"No, no, no, no. That's-- That's not what the paperwork says, Dave."
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"was invented by a man by the name of Charles D. Microphone."
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"You're right. I know I am."
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"so what we did is, we went ahead and put up some glass there, help keep the dust out."
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"Yeah, you wish."
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"Wh-Why don't we head out into-- into the foyer. Oh, geez."
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"I'm a woman, right?"
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"- Well, didn't I fire him? - No, not that one. The other one."
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"Sixteenth floor, third window in. Let's go."
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"No! I do not wanna look at some half-naked chick in the building across the street."
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"Oh, I guess I got carried away, bro. No big."
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"No. Bill Clinton."
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"Don't touch. Very hot. Okay."
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"Why, if it isn't Mr. Jimmy James, the sheriff of this here station."
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"All right, your varmint! Get a-ready to draw!"
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"Whoa! Ow!"
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"Yeah, I'm all right."
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"You got work to do. I admire your discipline."
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"We're misunderstood, I suppose. [ Sighs ]"
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"I'm not a guy, Bill. I'm a woman."
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"- That was not me! - No harm done, Lisa."
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"- What do you mean "guys"? - I just--"
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"Have you? I'm sorry, I just-- [ Sobbing ]"
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"[ Imitating Buzzer ]"
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"Oh, Lord."
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"Bill, you really don't have to do this to yourself."
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"- It's a gag. - I know. And a desperate and pathetic one at that."
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"Sorry I'm late, guys. Hey, hey, Mark."
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"A really bad batch of ye old-fashioned radio fudge?"
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"No, no, no. It's the "I Met Joe Garrelli" refrigerator magnets."
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"His last name is Garrelli?"
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"[ Imitating Darth Vader ] Luke, I'm your father, and I'm going to Crazy Eric's."
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"- Bill, that was funny. - Uh, of course. But it wasn't "funny ha-ha.""
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"It was more "funny boo-hoo, that totally sucked.""
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"- [ Bill ] Please do. - [ Honking ]"
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"Come on. Let's go do this."
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"All right. All right. Uh-- Time for what?"
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"Oh, uh, the guys are having a little get-together in the break room."
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"We were wondering if you'd like to join us. Okay. Join you for what?"
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"Or-- Or maybe it's a symposium on crotch grabbing?"
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"- Earl Grey or chamomile, Lisa? - What is this?"
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"The petit fours are exquisite, Matthew."
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"Oh, well, that's a very sweet gesture, you guys,"
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"but I'm afraid you've missed the point once again."
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"not a little girl with the tea parties and the bonbons and the--"
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"but why don't you try again when you developed a concept of womanhood..."
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"That's probably 'cause every Wednesday we do it in the men's room to hide from the ladies."
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"Pinkies, dude, pinkies. Yeah. Oh, I got it."
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"somehow Bill has got it in his head that nobody thinks he's funny."
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"I know, and I'm sick of it."
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"And then he gets all offended if you don't practically fall off your chair..."
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"Other than that he's like a god or something. The best of the best."
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"Oh, well, here-- here-- here he comes. So, uh--"
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"You know what? Hey, Bill, why don't you tell them that joke you were telling me earlier."
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"Go on, go on. Are you talking about that joke no one else laughed at either?"
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"Hey, would you go to hell?"
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"Let me show you where it is. Look, come on, Bill."
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"[ All Laughing ] Here. You take-- take over."
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"We have a lot of work to attend to. But first, these platform shoes are killing me."
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"Dave, where are you going? You're gonna miss my big tap-dancing finale."
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"[ All Laughing ] Thank you, Dave. Thank you."
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"My mom has a ball of string that's over two stories tall."
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"Okay, Beth is away on vacation this week,"
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"and we haven't got a temp in yet, so-- I'll do it."
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"What? I'll, uh-- I'll be the temp."
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"Oh, yeah, but that takes me, like, two hours."
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"And also, Nancy from Accounting and Renee from Ad Sales are both out with the flu,"
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"so it'd be nice if we sent a get-well card to each of them."
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"Matthew, would you like to be in charge of organizing that?"
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"Hold it. If-- If they're out sick and Beth is on vacation,"
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"For my money, you're the only woman in the office every day."
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"Oh, oh, Walt. [ Chuckles ]"
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"Sure, women people."
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"But you said it yourself, there are no chicks in the office."
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"- Why? - Because you're--"
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"Lisa. [ Chuckles ] [ Chuckles ]"
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"does not give us license to behave like animals. And why not?"
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"Well, I just don't think it's a good idea to get too relaxed,"
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"- seeing as the girls will be back tomorrow. - I'm one of the girls!"
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"Why? Why am I different?"
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"Oh, here you go. [ Belches ]"
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"Okay."
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"- I'm sorry, Mr. James. - What if I had walked through that door with a client, huh?"
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"I'm sorry. I know-- It's okay, Jimmy, there aren't any women in the office today."
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"[ Sighs ] Cool. Go get me a six-pack."
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"Where you going, dude?"
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"Prepare to be knocked on your ass."
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"You know I will."
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