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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Pirate Solution (S03E03)

"How hard is that?"
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"You're boring people, sweetie."
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"The parade."
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"- And you are all invited. - Oh, I'll be there."
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"Uh, all right. This year, you don't have to eat the tur-briska-fil."
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"Well, the good news is he has no problem..."
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"Another reason to consider a life of piracy."
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"Okay, she's gone."
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"Wait. What have you been doing for the past six months?"
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"Hello, Sheldon."
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"I think I'll miss you most of all."
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"Do not tell me about my culture. I'll take you out, I swear to cow."
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"Mm, understandable. Your life seems to be crumbling around you..."
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"- ...the stellar evolution research team. - You're kidding. That's fantastic."
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"Giving up on those trans-Neptunian objects, are we?"
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"In a perfect world, I'd spend several more years on it."
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"I couldn't pass up the opportunity to work with you..."
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"Splendid. Please sit down."
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"I'm gonna be deported. Sent home in disgrace."
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"How about I meet you halfway?"
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"Tell you what, we'll Skype."
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"If you didn't cheer at my entrance, it's too late to buy into the premise."
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"...than work with you."
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"For me."
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"First, at all times, I am to be treated as a colleague and an equal."
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"Third, you are never allowed to lecture me on Hinduism or my Indian culture."
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"So..."
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"- Hi, Howard. - Heh."
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"Yeah, maybe."
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"Uh-huh."
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"I guess I can hang for a little while."
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"We're going to be designing an experiment..."
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"I was making a joke."
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"I'm the boss. I make the jokes."
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"All right. Let's buckle down and work."
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"- Yes. - Good."
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"Thank you."
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"Leonard, you don't have to say thank you every time we have sex."
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"Well, usually on Sundays..."
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"I'll get out of your way."
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"Thank you."
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"The bagels are in the oven. I was warming them up."
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"- Are we terrible people? - I don't know."
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"What do you want me to do?"
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"Let me just tell you, if we were having this argument..."
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"...in my native language, I'd be kicking your butt."
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"English is your native language."
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"Unfortunately, you have to be a visionary to see it."
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"Let me tell you, some of those thoughts are pure caca."
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"- It means "doo-doo." - All right."
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"Oh. Yeah, well, in this context:"
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"Okay."
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"I said give it to me."
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"- You are not my superior. - I am in every way."
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"Doing what?"
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"In this context, "for me" could mean "with me.""
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"- Wait. You have to drive me home. - How did you get here?"
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"This movie baffles me every time we watch it."
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"What do you mean?"
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"The instructions are very clear. Don't feed the gremlins after midnight."
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"Don't get the gremlins wet."
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"Hi, guys."
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"- Hi, honey. - Hey."
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"Oh, we're "honey" now, are we?"
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"Yes. Since their relationship became carnal..."
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"...Penny has upgraded his designated term of endearment..."
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"...distinguishing him from those she calls "sweetie"..."
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"...in an attempt to soften a thinly veiled insult."
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"Although sometimes she omits the veil entirely."
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"- So, what are you guys doing? - Celebrating Columbus Day."
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"We're watching Goonies, Gremlins and Young Sherlock Holmes."
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"They're all written by Chris Columbus."
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"Okay. What do you watch on Thanksgiving?"
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"That reminds me. I usually go back to Nebraska for Thanksgiving."
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"This year, they're calling it off on account of my brother's trial."
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"- What's he on trial for? - Oh, just a big misunderstanding."
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"You know, you'd like my brother. He's kind of a chemist."
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"I was thinking I'd have Thanksgiving here."
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"Will you be serving cranberry jelly or cranberry sauce?"
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"I guess I could serve both."
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"You guess? You don't seem to have much of a handle on this."
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"Yeah, I really wish I could, Penny, but every year..."
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"...my mother has all the relatives over and cooks up her famous tur-briska-fil."
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"Tur-briska-fil?"
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"A turkey stuffed with a brisket stuffed with gefilte fish."
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"It's not as good as it sounds."
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"Raj, what about you?"
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"Oh, he usually comes to my house. Right, pal?"
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"I don't even chew it. I swallow it like pills."
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"So, what's going on with Raj?"
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"...with my mother's tur-briska-fil."
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"Hard to believe, but go on."
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"The bad news is he says he's getting deported."
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"I believe it means the U.S. government is going to expel him from the country."
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"He could return to India, immigrate to another country willing to accept him..."
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"...or wander the high seas as a stateless pirate."
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"Personally, I'd choose pirate."
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"Penny, would you mind stepping outside so we can speak to him?"
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"Ugh. Fine, but the man really needs to work on his girl issues."
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"Even today, I understand that's an all-male profession."
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"Sorry I lost my cool."
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"So, what's going on?"
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"Okay, here's the deal."
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"Six months ago, my research testing the predicted composition..."
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"...of trans-Neptunian objects ran into a dead end."
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"So?"
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"When they find out I've got squat, they're gonna cut me off."
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"By the way, when I say "squat," I mean "diddlysquat.""
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"I wish I had squat."
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"You know, checking e-mail..."
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"...updating my Facebook status..."
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"...messing up Wikipedia entries."
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"Did you know Netflix lets you stream movies on your computer now?"
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"You've continued to take the university's money under false pretenses?"
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"Highly unethical for an astrophysicist."
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"Although, practically mandatory for a pirate."
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"I don't wanna go back to India. It's hot and loud."
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"And there's so many people."
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"You have no idea. They're everywhere."
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"Okay, guys, think. How do we keep Raj in the country?"
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