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Clips from 30 Rock - I Heart Connecticut (S05E05)

"No. Reese Witherspoon is just a likeable version of me."
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"with Dempsey and Josh Hartnet,"
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"I met that soccer ball once at a no-hands-allowed sex party."
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"Then after another round of rewrites, it was picked up"
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"by our low-budget thriller/ high-budget porno division,"
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"Thank you."
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"Wait, that's our project?"
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"This is exactly what I was talking to Lemon about."
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"Three years, millions on rewrites,"
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"$20,000 in first-class flights for the drill,"
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"And we never will."
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"Then, we make the movie pro-Connecticut."
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"We are not losing any more money on "Take My Hand.""
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"Okay, we just need to hire some of those ugly people"
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"who have the paper and change the shapes on it."
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"Writers? No. We'll do the work ourselves."
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"And I'll bring the world's greatest encyclopedia,"
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"my mind."
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"Hey, is that a to-do list?"
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"On the stage. Midnight. In front of everyone."
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"How about tomorrow?"
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"I'll meet you anytime, anywhere."
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"Lemon, you look terrible,"
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"and I once watched you eat oysters while you had a cold."
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"So Kenneth and I had to spend the rest of the afternoon"
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"trying to think like Tracy."
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"I ended up eating a swordfish dinner at a strip club"
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"Well, tomorrow's another day, so go home, have a glass of wine,"
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"I can't go home, Jack. 'TGS' goes away if I don't find Tracy."
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"I'm going to wait up and hope that he calls his lizard."
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"Did you make sure that Tracy wasn't pretending to be"
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"his own wax figure at Madame Tussaud's?"
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"is home to the oldest public library in the United States?"
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"Huh."
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"Slaughterface sewing the sheriff's mouth to his own anus?"
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"Oh, I cannot wait to humiliate that guy"
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"and neither of us was wearing a Walkman."
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"Why are you picking him up now?"
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"I'm supposed to have him until the weekend."
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"Shane wanted to come home, 'cause his dad's a loser."
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"You're a joke. David's taking us all to Outback Steakhouse."
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"And we're getting appetizers, 'cause David can afford them."
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"with a tattoo of a leprechaun vomiting on a book."
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"No one's coming to save you."
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"30 beautiful state forests."
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"- 30! - Please, don't kill me."
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"I still haven't tried the famous seafood pizza"
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"at Sally's in New Haven!"
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"They will partially fund this project if we make it family-friendly."
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"I can never find stuff to watch with my kids."
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"Reggie, I need to show you something."
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"Whoa!"
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"I saw you in the lobby with Stephanie and Shane"
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"talking about David and appetizers."
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"Look, I know what it's like for your kids think you're a loser,"
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"which is why I'm gonna throw the match."
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"You're a good guy."
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"Oh, Miss Lemon, wake up. It's him."
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"So draw him out. Don't spook him. Act normal."
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"Hang on, something's not right."
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"Why is Jeremy acting so weird?"
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"Uh-oh."
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"Jeremy, call me when you're alone."
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"And cut!"
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"I did okay."
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"I have a refrigerator that's just for soda, so..."
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"Anyway, Phil is interested in getting into acting..."
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"I got the bug."
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"You know what? Why don't we just get one as written,"
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"I never heard back about my audition for Everybody Loves Raymond."
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"I'd wondered if you'd made a decision."
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"We went with Doris Roberts."
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"But thank you for tying your headshot around a brick"
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"and throwing it through my window."
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"Go ahead, Bald Bitch, go ahead."
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"I convinced my ex to drop off my kid so he can see me be a winner."
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"It doesn't matter."
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"That's real strength."
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"Wax statue!"
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"Darn it! I thought we had him!"
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"Are you kidding me?"
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"You have been hiding in my apartment for the last 2 weeks?"
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"I'm waiving the $60,000 you owe me in appearance fees."
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"Did you really think I wouldn't recognize my college futon"
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"with its trademark absence of sex stains?"
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"This is the stupidest idea you've ever had."
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"if you you're out trying to save your show?"
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"Home. Life lesson from an unlikely source!"
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"The only thing I do here is sleep."
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"And yet you still don't have the one I'm thinking of!"
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"It's red, it says "ketchup" on it..."
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"Look..."
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"Tracy, I don't know why you're going crazy,"
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"Just come back to 'TGS'..."
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"You don't think I want to, L. L?"
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"Then why are you hiding?"
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"Oh, no."
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"As a time saver, I will refer to the two of you as "Klemon.""
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"I wanted that next level, Klemon."
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"Now, remember, to save time, you two are "Klemon.""
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"- It's a combination of... - Just keep going!"
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"Justin Long's autograph."
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"But I also got expectations."
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"People thought I could change the world,"
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"and it's too much pressure."
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"You pretended to be in Africa"
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"so that no one would be disappointed in you."
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"Sean Penn wanted me to go to Haiti with him,"
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"and I'm not strong enough for the pain and the human misery"
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"of a 3-hour plane ride with Sean Penn."
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"and start remembering what an idiot you are."
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"You're off the leash, Tracy."
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"It is not a leash. It's a very long skin tag."
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"You want your old life back? You're Tracy Jordan."
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"Hulk Hogan called you a dirtbag."
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"The NAACP once hired someone to kill you."
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"Because I had worn it to their wedding."
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"It was special to the three of us!"
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"You were the worst, and you can be again."
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"Go trash a hotel room. Expose yourself to Elmo."
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