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Clips from 30 Rock - I Heart Connecticut (S05E05)

"I will no longer allow you to use my office for your History Club."
30 Rock
"That's ironic, because next week's topic is fascism."
30 Rock
"Neither does anyone else"
30 Rock
"Edward James Almost..."
30 Rock
"who is an Edward James Olmos look-alike"
30 Rock
"that Tracy is friends with..."
30 Rock
"doesn't he? Just call him."
30 Rock
"It doesn't work that way."
30 Rock
"I'm going to go ahead and assume"
30 Rock
"that Bastille is a stripper."
30 Rock
"Now, there's a chance"
30 Rock
"he may call tomorrow,"
30 Rock
"because it's his lizard's birthday."
30 Rock
"Has it really been a year"
30 Rock
"since we were all at the Waldorf"
30 Rock
"eating that cake made out of lizard meal?"
30 Rock
"that we saw Tracy eating from."
30 Rock
"We traced the phone number to a pizzeria in Queens."
30 Rock
"Listen to me, I sound like Cagney and Lacey,"
30 Rock
"but without the slutty clothes."
30 Rock
"But you have to find him, Lemon."
30 Rock
"Your show works with Tracy."
30 Rock
"And this morning I figured out how to fix NBC."
30 Rock
"We will only do shows that work."
30 Rock
"That's nonsense."
30 Rock
"Do you know what the business model is"
30 Rock
"We produce more failed pilots"
30 Rock
"than the French Air Force."
30 Rock
"$15 million, so far,"
30 Rock
"developing a show called "Who Nose?""
30 Rock
"You let me see the documents."
30 Rock
"no more throwing good money after bad, only what works."
30 Rock
"10 million developing "Dad 2.0"?"
30 Rock
"Not on my watch."
30 Rock
"Your father may be gone, but before he died"
30 Rock
"he programmed me to take his place..."
30 Rock
"So what's going on? Is Tracy coming back, or what?"
30 Rock
"What do you even do?"
30 Rock
"All right, well, we're all having fun,"
30 Rock
"and it's important that we all be able to laugh together."
30 Rock
"We're not laughing with you,"
30 Rock
"we're laughing at you, you bald bitch!"
30 Rock
"Yes, Reggie, I am bald."
30 Rock
"when I hit that gypsy's kid with my car,"
30 Rock
"but I am still your boss..."
30 Rock
"He's being you!"
30 Rock
"the JennaBabies dolls that I've been selling on Q VC have been recalled."
30 Rock
"Apparently, they were just being used"
30 Rock
"to smuggle cocaine into the country from Mexico,"
30 Rock
"Let's just go to soccer practice now! I mean right now!"
30 Rock
"Yes! It's 4:00 in the morning! Let's do it!"
30 Rock
"We own this town!"
30 Rock
"But don't worry, because I have a backup to my backup."
30 Rock
"We don't ever worry about you. We don't think about you."
30 Rock
"That's right, Frank. I booked a movie."
30 Rock
"It's called "Take My Hand.""
30 Rock
"who has a lot of holes drilled into her head"
30 Rock
"by a deranged veterinarian named Slaughterface."
30 Rock
"Oh, so you're doing a torture porn thing, like "Saw"?"
30 Rock
"rented "Saw" and watched it."
30 Rock
"So, let me know if Tracy comes back."
30 Rock
"Until then, I will be in Stamford, Connecticut."
30 Rock
"We're shooting there for tax reasons."
30 Rock
"On an unrelated matter,"
30 Rock
"does anyone know where I can get intimate bleaching done"
30 Rock
"in Stamford, Connecticut?"
30 Rock
"I'm leaving to do a movie, Pete."
30 Rock
"What? No, you can't do that!"
30 Rock
"That's what your wife told me in the shower this morning."
30 Rock
"Can we order lunch from IKEA?"
30 Rock
"What?"
30 Rock
"Okay, we'll have a contest of strength"
30 Rock
"to decide who gets to pick lunch."
30 Rock
"Who's next?"
30 Rock
"What can I get for you guys?"
30 Rock
"Well, as hard as it is to believe,"
30 Rock
"given our apparent ages,"
30 Rock
"this is my son."
30 Rock
"Seems about right."
30 Rock
"Okay. Good."
30 Rock
"My son is currently studying at a local pizza academy..."
30 Rock
"New York Pizza Academy."
30 Rock
"So, what fraternity are you pledging?"
30 Rock
"I'm not. There are no fraternities at New York Pizza Academy."
30 Rock
"That's right. You correctly answered my trick question."
30 Rock
"We need to see all your delivery receipts from the last 2 months."
30 Rock
"What a bear!"
30 Rock
"Well, this is obviously a dead end."
30 Rock
"Congratulations."
30 Rock
"This would have bothered me in my 20s."
30 Rock
"Pete, how are you so good at that?"
30 Rock
"Pete, lunch is your pick!"
30 Rock
"What? That makes no sense!"
30 Rock
"No one's coming to save you."
30 Rock
"I just got a text from the studio. We're shutting down production."
30 Rock
"I'm sorry, Dana, but our budget depends on getting a tax break"
30 Rock
"How are we not doing that, Shawn? I'm a little baffled over here."
30 Rock
"Yeah, no, it's just that we're spending taxpayer money"
30 Rock
""If you're a woman in Connecticut, Slaughterface will kill you.""
30 Rock
"This must be it."
30 Rock
"of Mr. Jordan's signature order:"
30 Rock
"I hear someone coming."
30 Rock
"- after I ordered Thai food and gave you this address."
30 Rock
"I'm sorry. I thought my friend was living here."
30 Rock
"And my best friend."
30 Rock
"Oh, is this awkward,"
30 Rock
"because I'm your best friend but you're not my best friend?"
30 Rock
"A copy of "Black Yachts" magazine"
30 Rock
"and a Rubik's Cube that's been smashed out of anger."
30 Rock
"So what, Kenneth?"
30 Rock
"These guys have been here for 2 weeks."
30 Rock
"We'll never gonna find him."
30 Rock
"I'll get in my bra, and you can throw nails at me!"
30 Rock
"We have other options."
30 Rock
"For instance..."
30 Rock
"Jack, can we talk, one ten to another?"
30 Rock
"and a drill that once appeared on "Home Improvement""
30 Rock
"called "Take My Hand.""
30 Rock
"Really? Years ago, Universal had a project by that name."
30 Rock
"with Reese Witherspoon and Patrick Dempsey."
30 Rock
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