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Clips from Taxi - Paper Marriage (S01E01)

"Hello, Vivian."
Taxi
"Vivian!"
Taxi
"Um, how about dressing up for the wedding?"
Taxi
"What do you think? I plan to."
Taxi
"Oh, you're going to wear a white dress?"
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"A white halter."
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"How about wearing my wedding gown?"
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"I've dressed up as everything from Pocahontas to Darth Vader."
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"You want me in a bridal gown?"
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"You got it."
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"Okay, great."
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"Now all we need is a minister."
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"that hangs around down at Mario's."
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"I'll go and see if he'll perform the ceremony for us, all right?"
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"ELAINE: Hey, Bobby, thanks."
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"ALEX: Good, Bobby, good."
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"We could get flowers..."
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"Oh! Excuse me, Immigration Officer."
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"I'm trying to get out of your way,"
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"Immigration Officers."
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"Hey, Bobby. Bobby. That's all right."
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"You don't have to do that."
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"No? Latka's going to be okay now."
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"Latka here is marrying an American citizen."
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"It's not okay if he's only doing it to stay in this country."
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"It's got to be a real marriage."
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"Oh, of course, it's a real marriage"
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"I'm afraid we'll have to check that out."
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"Mr. Gravas, we're going to have to question you."
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"How long ago did you meet"
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"this woman you're going to marry?"
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""How..."
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"How...""
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"Can anybody else answer for him? How...""
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"I'm up for retirement in two years."
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"Yeah, I can."
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"No, let me."
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"No, I will."
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"No, I want to do it. "How...""
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"Louie, I think it's best that I do. No. Mr. Richards?"
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"All right, Mr. De Palma"
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"Let's have it straight."
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"If you're lying to me, you're committing a crime."
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"Is this a legitimate marriage?"
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"Of course it's legitimate."
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"It's love, I tell you."
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"Latka's in love with this girl,"
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"and nothing can change his mind."
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"Nobody could talk to the guy."
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"I tried to talk him out of it."
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"I said, "Latka, she's from the other side of the tracks."
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""She's classy, and you're just a grease monkey."
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"It'll never work out.""
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"But he doesn't care,"
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"because it's love."
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"Her family is totally against it."
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"They threatened to disown her."
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"In fact, they even went so far as to offer Latka $1,000"
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"to leave their daughter alone, but he wouldn't take it."
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"And if that isn't love,"
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"then I don't know what is, Officer."
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"Thanks for your time, gentlemen."
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"Not at all."
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"Whoa!"
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"( shouting )"
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"I want none of that stuff!"
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"Oh, good... No!"
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"Drivers touching me?"
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"I don't want nobody touching me,"
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"except..."
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"him."
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"Aw..."
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"Hey, Louie,"
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"that was a very nice story you made up."
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"You know that?"
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"You mean about the family"
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"offering money to give up the girl?"
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"Yes."
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"I didn't make that up."
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"That happened to me five years ago."
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"Really? That surprises me, Louie."
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"Except I changed two things."
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"The parents only offered me a lousy 50 bucks."
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"What was the other thing?"
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"I took it."
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"ALEX: Okay, everybody"
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"let's take our seats now."
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"Come on, just find a seat anywhere."
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"Look, the bride's people on one side,"
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"the groom's people on the other."
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"I know, it makes no difference. Just sit down."
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"Okay, and stay there. I think I'm going to go..."
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"I'm going to go check on the bride, okay?"
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"Latka, you ready? All right, Latka? Listen."
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"You're each going to come down from over there, all right?"
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"Hey, everybody."
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"This is Reverend Jim, uh..."
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"Jim...?"
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"That's it."
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"Just, uh... Reverend Jim."
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"Uh, uh, well, um..."
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"He's going to perform the ceremony for us."
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"Reverend Jim, I'm Cabby Alex."
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"Listen, I don't want to be impolite"
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"Certainly."
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"I was ordained in '68-- Church of the Peaceful."
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"The church was investigated and cleared completely."
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"Cleared of what?"
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"Why go into it?"
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"It doesn't even exist anymore."
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"But I assure you, I'm a minister recognized by the state."
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"Reverend Jim..."
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"Reverend Jim, look"
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"I'll do my best,"
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"but I'm kind of out of practice at weddings."
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"How long has it been since you done one?"
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"Always. This is my first."
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"Well, we'll try to be gentle."
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"Thank you."
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"Okay, she's ready."
Taxi
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