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Clips from The Simpsons - Warrin' Priests (S31E31)

"(tires screech)"
The Simpsons
"D'oh!"
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"¶ Michael, take the carpool lane ¶"
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"-(siren wailing) -Yeah."
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"do we have to sit so close to the geezers?"
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"What time does Joan Rivers come on?"
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"New Testament?"
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"ALL: We can, but we don't want to."
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"ALL: You clearly can."
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"or just rapture me now."
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"Clancy Wiggum is meeting his quota."
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"You think you can bribe me with a...? Oh, my God!"
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"Linen shirt. Natural highlights."
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"Yeah, straight down this street. First steeple you see."
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"They have a French onion soup that is,"
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"No, I-I want to go this way. I love God."
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"(Lovejoy groans)"
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"I used to work in Michigan."
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"-Greek, Hebrew... -You're hired."
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"to serve me snacks while I'm on the toilet."
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"Downstairs to the right."
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"and a man I'll identify as Disco S."
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"-He sold our home without telling me. -(grunts)"
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"with my damn trains?"
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"Oh."
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"As a gag, you're gonna drop a tiny log on my face?"
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"-Nothing. -As I'm sleeping? That's, that's-that's funny."
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"Is that... Is that your plan? You're gonna drop that?"
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"Look, we're both grown men here."
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"Gladly."
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"You know, I'd be happy to yell out numbers for you."
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"(coughs) Bingo is not for newbies."
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"I don't want to go."
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"If we do it in a church, I, like, can't get pregnant."
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"Reverend Lovejoy is experiencing some vocal difficulties."
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"(grunts, coughs)"
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"and sent us a backup pastor"
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"to finish the service."
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"(congregation groans)"
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"Or if you don't, it's in your hymnal under"
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"in a white church!"
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"Thank you. Now we'd, uh,"
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"¶ Hallelujah, hallelu ¶"
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"Something exciting's"
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"All right, I think we get it. Grace, it's amazing."
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"but I guess I should talk about God, right?"
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"But the truth is, I woke up this morning"
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"and I wasn't really sure if I believed in God."
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"It's okay. Everything's fine."
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"Like many of you did, too, I'm sure."
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"with a killer surveillance system."
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"I got to stop procrastinating."
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"For the first time ever, I don't feel alone."
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"Can't you just charge me a stalking fee?"
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"Maybe God is just a word for a love"
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"A love that isn't mad at us for our doubt"
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"God loves diversity."
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"God didn't just make one type of flower."
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"Stupid Flanders!"
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"This was the best church ever."
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"It was like some kind of religious experience."
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"Will you join us for pancakes?"
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"They really bring out the piety."
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"Oh, look at those shoes, tied so tight with loops so even."
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"Someone knows the bunny ear technique."
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"Don't get me wrong, it's nice to be thankful, but"
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"Nice speech, although longer than grace."
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"And, actually, a Buddhist."
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"The Bodhi Tree."
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"And I don't eat meat either."
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"You're a vegetarian?"
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"-What about evolution? -Into it."
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"-Gay rights? -Love is love."
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"-Dizzy or Bird? -John Coltrane"
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"and Duke Ellington, 1962."
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"This brunch has turned into..."
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"I'm a believer."
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"like pool cues, and they can't bring the food to their mouths."
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"CONGREGATION: Aw!"
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"Wait, wait! I can be cool, too... with humor."
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"-Gingo. -Please surrender your cross."
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"-You just subscribed. -What? No."
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"He's clean on Google."
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"We are going to Michigan."
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"I said it was good."
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"I'm starting to see the man I fell in love with again."
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"Where? Where? I'll kill him!"
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"-You. -Oh."
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"I must admit, this is amazing."
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"Well, I thought it might be fun if we meditate together."
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"the mystics call it a soul, but both are just words,"
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"just labels, for whatever it is"
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"that's looking out your eyes right now."
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"¶ ¶"
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"(gasps) I did."
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"believe in Christ or I'll hit your head with a baseball bat."
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"We need that. This town's like a snow globe."
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"-(whimpers) -I want redemption or else, dude."
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"(exhales)"
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"Teach a man to microfiche,"
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"I hear there's a little dirt"
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"Oh, well, if it's scripture you want to talk,"
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"They want me back?"
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"(shrieks)"
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"(grunts)"
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"(shuddering)"
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"No one's here today."
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"Even the choir's late."
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"¶ Hallelujah ¶"
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"¶ They just crossed the double line ¶"
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"¶ Traffic school them. ¶"
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"Mom, with all the room,"
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"-It's too hot. -It's too cold."
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"I'm not even alive."
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"She doesn't."
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"This is a church, and it's not your church."
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"Oy-yoi-yoi, when did this happen?"
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"Alexa, play Tranquil Organ Radio."
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"(organ music playing)"
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"Peace be with you."
The Simpsons
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