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Clips from The Odd Couple - Secret Agent Man (S01E01)

""Chaka Khan, Chaka Khan.""
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""A cobbler ain't nothing but a broken pie.""
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"My-my grandma used to say that one."
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"Then she would throw a shoe at your head."
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"She got mean towards the end."
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"Every little imperfection is magnified in high-def."
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"Okay, now you're making me nervous."
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"Oh, no, you're going to be great."
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"But we should be going."
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"- Is Teddy meeting you there? - Oh, uh,"
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"no. No. Teddy doesn't know."
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"He thought it was a bad idea."
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"So we are going to give him"
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"the wonderful surprise of proving him wrong."
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"I made you a tie tack for good luck."
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"It retails for $65,"
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"in case you wanted to weave that"
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"Look at that handsome devil."
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"Now give us your biggest smile."
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"- Oh. - Oh... - Uh..."
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"- Uh... - Mm-mm."
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"Ah, you won't fool me tw... Oh!"
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"It'll be fine. Just don't fuss with it."
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"Sir, we need all non-talent off the stage."
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"That is a very aggressive choice of words."
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"You look like a million bucks. Fist bump."
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"Ow!"
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"All non-talent off of the stage!"
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"I sang a Capella in college"
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"I'll go."
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"Ooh, it's time. Change the channel."
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"Quit crying. It's soccer, nobody cares."
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"And our friend Oscar Madison is going to be on TV."
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"That retails for $65."
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"As you know, Father's Day"
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"Stop talking!"
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"You stop talking!"
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"Ooh! Okay, the show is starting."
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"Everybody quiet!"
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"Welcome to The First String,"
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"your daily dose of sports and opinion."
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"I'm your host Rich Eisen."
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"And between us, we've won two NBA championships."
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"Which is two more than Charles Barkley."
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"Excellent drive-by, Kenny."
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"Usually, I talk sports in my underwear,"
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"but today I put on a suit."
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"You know, over the underwear."
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"We'll discuss all of today's sports headlines after this."
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"That was great. Perfect."
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"so you want the composed hands of a Charlie Rose,"
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"not the frantic hands of a LaGuardia landing crew."
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"not with your teeth."
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"History's greatest landscape photographer?"
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"Then they got that big game in New York tonight..."
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"Look at you, Oscar! You're on TV!"
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"My platonic roommate."
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"What the hell is going on here?!"
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"Teddy."
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"Hello, welcome."
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"What are you doing here?"
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"But I see I'm too late."
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"First of all, I don't leave fingerprints."
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"Second of all, he wanted to do it."
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"I just helped him... know that."
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"What are you talking about?"
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"Yesterday you said he was good."
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"Yes, I lied. I'm an agent!"
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"You should question everything I say!"
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"You're one of the smartest people I ever met."
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"Well, I say we give him a chance."
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"Because I for one have faith in him!"
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"I never lie about food."
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"Please, don't talk to me about Carmelo"
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"Does anybody remember a guy named Michael Jordan?"
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"He traveled so much he..."
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"...got bumped up to first class."
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"On a court."
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"Not on a plane."
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"Why is he grimacing?"
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"Oh, this is even worse than the last time."
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"And last time he touched Pete Rose's thigh."
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"and I've never seen anything quite so moving."
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"Well, I-I think a..."
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"What does that mean?"
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"I was talking about a man"
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"who rebuilt his life after being paralyzed."
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"Of course not. I just..."
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"Holy moly Stromboli!"
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"- What's going on? - Did Dan Patrick put you up to this?"
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"It's live TV, you meddling nerd."
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"there's an odd-man rush up the ice."
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"As you could see here..."
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"Oh, good. Now he's choking."
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"It's truly something remarkable..."
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"Oh, that's not good."
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"Chaka Khan, Chaka Khan."
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"That's our program for today."
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"I want to thank my guests Kenny Smith"
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"You okay there, buddy?"
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"Yep, you really left"
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"some blood out there on the court."
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"Don't make him laugh, Kenny."
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"We'll see you tomorrow."
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"Hey, there he is."
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"Was I just bleeding on national television?"
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"A lot of the affiliates switched over to senior bowling."
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"Teddy."
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"Long enough!"
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"Okay, go ahead and say it."
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"That you just ignored my advice"
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"and ended up in this train wreck?"
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"with some club soda, I could..."
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"I'm an adult! I don't need your protection!"
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"Says the man with a chest wound from his own jewelry."
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"Oh, I think you do."
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"You need to show me some respect, Oscar."
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"I made you! I found you doing play-by-play"
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"for the Burlington Beavers on W-who-gives-a-crap!"
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"And that Beaver was your only client."
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