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Clips from Parks and Recreation - The Reporter (S01E01)

"Okay now,see,here's a good example of a plant that you can't eat."
Parks and Recreation
"So two things. One,it's poisonous. And two,it would hurt."
Parks and Recreation
"Jerry's in charge of our preteen nature hikes."
Parks and Recreation
"Yeah,take a look at that."
Parks and Recreation
"Why did you let me eat that? I never told you to eat that."
Parks and Recreation
"So I have a piece of good news."
Parks and Recreation
"That sounds really good."
Parks and Recreation
"The press is a weapon,and you can use it to kill people or to feed people."
Parks and Recreation
"'cause the momentum of that can kind of keep it alive,or else it'll die."
Parks and Recreation
"The tucker parker graffiti removal project was a great idea"
Parks and Recreation
"One penis in particular."
Parks and Recreation
"Rule number one: Stay on message."
Parks and Recreation
"I mean until now,my only experience with government was trying to get a recycling bin."
Parks and Recreation
"Wait. Did I ever get it?"
Parks and Recreation
"Bye,leslie. Bye,ann."
Parks and Recreation
"It's my first interview."
Parks and Recreation
"What about that thing you did for the middle school newspaper last year?"
Parks and Recreation
"Oh,no. I don't count that."
Parks and Recreation
"What do you think her opening gambit is gonna be? What is she gonna ask me first?"
Parks and Recreation
"Because of the silent K. You're so smart. Yeah."
Parks and Recreation
"Hi,I'm looking for leslie knope. Okay."
Parks and Recreation
"Oh,my ears are ringing."
Parks and Recreation
"I am always amazed at his... quiet dignity."
Parks and Recreation
"Right before he's killed by a cannonball."
Parks and Recreation
"Yeah,we get letters every day."
Parks and Recreation
"About what?"
Parks and Recreation
"I can't beat him. I should just close my account."
Parks and Recreation
"Tom haverford. Boy genius."
Parks and Recreation
"Smooth like milk chocolate. That's a weird way to describe me."
Parks and Recreation
"Ann was the citizen who brought the pit to our attention."
Parks and Recreation
"So leslie,you're in charge of the committee."
Parks and Recreation
"I'm sorry. It'S... it's actually called a subcommittee,not a committee,so."
Parks and Recreation
"Right. Sorry. Sure we can."
Parks and Recreation
"And this is where you meet generally?"
Parks and Recreation
"the rest of your team some questions and then we will come back to you later?"
Parks and Recreation
"Um,I just finished up a gig with my band three skin,"
Parks and Recreation
"I don't know. I was pretty wasted."
Parks and Recreation
"because we gave you anesthesia at the hospital."
Parks and Recreation
"Oh,like you're perfect. You're on the pill. You drink all the time."
Parks and Recreation
"You're allowed to do that. Stay on message."
Parks and Recreation
"I mean,why don't we just go back in there and talk about the park?"
Parks and Recreation
"Oh,ann. You're so sweet and innocent and pretty."
Parks and Recreation
"Andy was drunk when he fell in the pit. And it turns out that ann is on birth control pills."
Parks and Recreation
"Shauna is in the conference room,"
Parks and Recreation
"Please fix it."
Parks and Recreation
"Do you think I'm in the top five best-looking indian guys in pawnee? No."
Parks and Recreation
"I know. You're destroying me."
Parks and Recreation
"Her name is tammy swanson and she's a serious bitch."
Parks and Recreation
"That was easy. Okay."
Parks and Recreation
"All right. 'Cause I hate driving."
Parks and Recreation
"There's a beautiful view from over there."
Parks and Recreation
"How big is the lot? How big is what?"
Parks and Recreation
"100 what? I don't know,shauna. Malwae-tweep. I don't know."
Parks and Recreation
"No,no,no,no,no. What?"
Parks and Recreation
"Whatever."
Parks and Recreation
"You dropped a z in there? April."
Parks and Recreation
"But--oh,my god. Sorry."
Parks and Recreation
"Yeah,I'm home. I was doing an interview at the pit,and it was going really well."
Parks and Recreation
"Who had sex? That guy mark and the reporter."
Parks and Recreation
"He did,actually. He totally called that."
Parks and Recreation
"Andy,god!"
Parks and Recreation
"Hello,mark. May I come into your office?"
Parks and Recreation
"I need to speak with you about something very sensitive."
Parks and Recreation
"It's unethical and it's irresponsible for a public servant to have sex"
Parks and Recreation
"I was acting strange at the pit and the reason is because I had food poisoning..."
Parks and Recreation
"Yeah,you seemed a little weird. Well,I wouldn't say weird. It's just,"
Parks and Recreation
"Because I would be lying if I said less."
Parks and Recreation
"Oh,really? Tell that to a 14-year-old girl."
Parks and Recreation
"You should write an article on talking monkeys. Really? Have you seen the wizard of oz?"
Parks and Recreation
"You should write an article about the sun falling out of the sky."
Parks and Recreation
"Um,this park is never,ever,ever,ever going to happen."
Parks and Recreation
"Might I ask who said that? Uh,mark brendanawicz."
Parks and Recreation
"Hi. Can I talk to you for a second?"
Parks and Recreation
"But that stuff was off the record."
Parks and Recreation
"Hey. Thank you so much for meeting us."
Parks and Recreation
"Right. And then I came back to bed."
Parks and Recreation
"Ron,I don't know what to tell you,man."
Parks and Recreation
"Uh,yeah. V-o-g-x--ugh!"
Parks and Recreation
"Was that right? No."
Parks and Recreation
"He's never one to go that extra mile."
Parks and Recreation
"I really did think that that stuff that I said was off the record."
Parks and Recreation
"Absolutely. You'll have my answer within the month."
Parks and Recreation
"Mark,can I ask you a question?"
Parks and Recreation
"Welcome back,subcommittee member mark brendanawicz."
Parks and Recreation
"Well,the article came out,and it was a mixed bag."
Parks and Recreation
"An abandoned lot on sullivan street has been proposed as the site of a new park."
Parks and Recreation
"That part's good. I think we stayed on message for that part."
Parks and Recreation
"I didn't throw up,I spit up."
Parks and Recreation
"Oh,and right here. At the end. She writes,and I quote,"
Parks and Recreation
"See all the spikes?"
Parks and Recreation
"The parks department has so many programs."
Parks and Recreation
"Look what we have here. Country honeysuckle,"
Parks and Recreation
"It's pretty and it smells good."
Parks and Recreation
"Oh,god. Leslie,the animals know you don't eat the country honeysuckle."
Parks and Recreation
"I'm not an animal. My tongue is swelling up. No,no,don't touch--"
Parks and Recreation
"okay,now you'll have to throw that away."
Parks and Recreation
"She writes for the pawnee journal,which is kind of like our town's washington post."
Parks and Recreation
"Thank you,ann. It is a classic strategy."
Parks and Recreation
"I mean,I'm sure you remember the tucker park graffiti removal project."
Parks and Recreation
"that just ran out of steam."
Parks and Recreation
"We had removed five cartoon penises--not even 10%--"
Parks and Recreation
"when we were shut down due to lack of funding."
Parks and Recreation
"To this day,I am haunted by those remaining penises."
Parks and Recreation
"Now when the reporter gets here,it is vital"
Parks and Recreation
"that we all follow my rules about how to deal with the media."
Parks and Recreation
"This is key. All we need to talk about is the pit,"
Parks and Recreation
"and the fact that we're gonna turn it into a park."
Parks and Recreation
"And that's it. Okay?"
Parks and Recreation
"Number two: What?"
Parks and Recreation
"Stay on message again? Yes,it's that important."
Parks and Recreation
"It's one and two. Stay on message and stay on message. Right?"
Parks and Recreation
"Stay on what,ann?"
Parks and Recreation
"Message. Great."
Parks and Recreation
"which is really impressive."
Parks and Recreation
"Hey,mark. Yeah."
Parks and Recreation
"Buy you a cup of coffee?"
Parks and Recreation
"The people who eat here basically run this town."
Parks and Recreation
"So listen,I was hoping maybe I could pick your brain about how to deal with the media."
Parks and Recreation
"That was a smear job."
Parks and Recreation
"So I put together some discussion topics. Can I run them by you?"
Parks and Recreation
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