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Clips from Parks and Recreation - The Reporter (S01E01)

"Okay."
Parks and Recreation
"How you spell your name. Of course."
Parks and Recreation
"Okay,now should I give her a tour of the building? How many discussion questions do you have there?"
Parks and Recreation
"Uh,30."
Parks and Recreation
"You're insane. You're insane."
Parks and Recreation
"Mark and I made love once. And it was very intense."
Parks and Recreation
"Shauna. Malwae-tweep. Yes,I am familiar with your work."
Parks and Recreation
"Who left the door open? No! No! No!"
Parks and Recreation
"And I agree with you. They are nature's bandits."
Parks and Recreation
"So,uh,can I give you a quick tour before we get started? I've been here before. A few times."
Parks and Recreation
"Quick tour? Okay."
Parks and Recreation
"There are three murals here in the hall. And this is called the trial of chief wamapo."
Parks and Recreation
"And he was convicted of crimes against the soldiers."
Parks and Recreation
"I'm surprised no one's complained about this. Oh,tons of people have."
Parks and Recreation
"This is ron swanson,our boss. Ron,this is the reporter I was telling you about. No comment."
Parks and Recreation
"Hey haverford,maybe one day you'll figure out how to spell a three-letter word."
Parks and Recreation
"Pssh,come on,ron."
Parks and Recreation
"I play a lot of online scrabble with my boss,ron swanson,and oh,my god,"
Parks and Recreation
"He beats me every time. He kills me. He's awesome."
Parks and Recreation
"Well,shauna,this is our crack team. Hi,everyone."
Parks and Recreation
"And finally,we've got ann perkins and andy dwyer."
Parks and Recreation
"They're the real heroes of this story."
Parks and Recreation
"And andy is the citizen who fell in it."
Parks and Recreation
"Great. It's cool if I record this,right?"
Parks and Recreation
"Yeah. Good."
Parks and Recreation
"Really? We meet at a bunch of different places. We don't always meet here."
Parks and Recreation
"So I didn't quite know How to answer that."
Parks and Recreation
"I'm gonna be in my office."
Parks and Recreation
"Oh,yeah. That's actually a great story."
Parks and Recreation
"formerly foreskin,but our bassist left for personal reasons."
Parks and Recreation
"And I was taking the shortcut home,and I thought I saw a toaster lying in the pit."
Parks and Recreation
"And I was like,maybe I should get that."
Parks and Recreation
"And I fell in and broke my legs. Such a tragedy."
Parks and Recreation
"Why would you want a toaster that's lying at the bottom of the pit?"
Parks and Recreation
"I was probably not thinking 'cause I had two broken femurs and I was,like,blackout drunk."
Parks and Recreation
"Andy,I just--I can't-- I can't believe I'm just finding this out right now."
Parks and Recreation
"Thank you so much for bringing that up in front of a reporter."
Parks and Recreation
"Leslie,it's not that bad,right?"
Parks and Recreation
"The press are like sharks,and you guys just dumped a bucket of chum in the water."
Parks and Recreation
"Hey,I just got your 15 texts."
Parks and Recreation
"Listen. Thank you for coming. I...I tried to stay on message."
Parks and Recreation
"But then,ann and andy sandbagged me."
Parks and Recreation
"and she's writing a really bad article and it's gonna destroy us all."
Parks and Recreation
"April. Let me ask you something."
Parks and Recreation
"Who do you think's got me beat? That guy that teaches city planning? Tommy boy."
Parks and Recreation
"Let me tell you something,tom. You suck at scrabble."
Parks and Recreation
"And she's a bitch."
Parks and Recreation
"Look out,man. I'm gonna get one of these days. I'm practicing. Yeah,I doubt that."
Parks and Recreation
"Hey,leslie. Um,I have to go. Let's do the interview tomorrow morning at the pit."
Parks and Recreation
"Yeah. Perfect. Great. I'll have a photographer meet us there."
Parks and Recreation
"Okay. Great. See you then."
Parks and Recreation
"Disaster averted."
Parks and Recreation
"Hi!"
Parks and Recreation
"Hi. Sorry I'm late. Oh,no problem."
Parks and Recreation
"You know,do you have a pen?"
Parks and Recreation
"'Cause I don't-- No,sorry."
Parks and Recreation
"Michael,do you have any paper I could borrow? I might,yeah."
Parks and Recreation
"She got here 15 minutes late."
Parks and Recreation
"She's wearing the same dress she wore yesterday."
Parks and Recreation
"And she had to get a ride from..."
Parks and Recreation
"Leslie,how big-- What?"
Parks and Recreation
"The lot. I don't know. You tell me. How big is the lot?"
Parks and Recreation
"100 or something. Give or take 100. I don't know."
Parks and Recreation
"I don't-- I guess I don't know anything."
Parks and Recreation
"Just played lexicons for a billion points."
Parks and Recreation
"I was letting him win,dumbass."
Parks and Recreation
"Oh,come on. Lateral? Communal? Zonal?"
Parks and Recreation
"So when did you start at the parks department?"
Parks and Recreation
"Well,uh,it was a few years ago."
Parks and Recreation
"My mother got me the job."
Parks and Recreation
"Crap on a stick. Okay,technically,yes,it was nepotism."
Parks and Recreation
"It's not you. I just--I'm exhausted. I got,like,zero sleep last night."
Parks and Recreation
"Hey,leslie. You're home."
Parks and Recreation
"Yeah. Can I come in?"
Parks and Recreation
"Uh,sure. Great. Come on in."
Parks and Recreation
"So how'd it go? She didn't ask about andy being drunk,did she? Uh,no."
Parks and Recreation
"There was one annoying thing."
Parks and Recreation
"Shauna malwae-tweep and mark brendanawicz had sex with each other last night."
Parks and Recreation
"Remember that? Yeah."
Parks and Recreation
"Why do men have to behave like this? Why can't they be professionals?"
Parks and Recreation
"Men are dogs. You know,maybe-- maybe they really like each other."
Parks and Recreation
"he doesn't like her."
Parks and Recreation
"He was probably thinking with the head of his weiner instead of the head of his brain. Oh,god. Andy,come on."
Parks and Recreation
"Men do that. It's disgusting."
Parks and Recreation
"Make sure that he didn't say anything to hurt the project. Yeah."
Parks and Recreation
"Definitely you should talk to him. Yeah."
Parks and Recreation
"Something's come to my attention that requires your attention."
Parks and Recreation
"It has come to my attention that you had sex with ms. Malwae-tweep."
Parks and Recreation
"Uh,that's personal."
Parks and Recreation
"with a member of the press corps."
Parks and Recreation
"I'm gonna say something. I don't want you to take it the wrong way."
Parks and Recreation
"But you're being a huge dork."
Parks and Recreation
"Well,I can't allow that kind of behavior from someone serving on my subcommittee."
Parks and Recreation
"Well then I resign from your subcommittee."
Parks and Recreation
"Shauna malwae-tweep."
Parks and Recreation
"Hi,this is deputy director of parks and recreation-- Leslie?"
Parks and Recreation
"from an old burrito."
Parks and Recreation
"Oh,it's the best thing on the menu."
Parks and Recreation
"So look,I feel like I may have gone a little off message at the pit."
Parks and Recreation
"we're trying to turn a dangerous eyesore into a beautiful community park"
Parks and Recreation
"and a positive article could go a long way towards making that happen."
Parks and Recreation
"Great. So what do you think the odds are that this park is actually gonna get made?"
Parks and Recreation
"Can I say over 100%?"
Parks and Recreation
"You seem a lot more confident than some of the other people I've spoken to."
Parks and Recreation
"Be my guest. The sullivan street pit is always going to be a pit."
Parks and Recreation
"You should write an article on the pope getting married,because that's more likely to happen than this park."
Parks and Recreation
"You should write an article about leprechauns. Leprechauns exist."
Parks and Recreation
"Why would you write an article about that? That's-- This one is just no."
Parks and Recreation
"Uh,you and I need to find a way to fix this reporter thing."
Parks and Recreation
"Why is this a big deal to anybody?"
Parks and Recreation
"But I didn't say anything to her."
Parks and Recreation
"The park is never,ever,ever,ever getting built?"
Parks and Recreation
"Oh,yeah. My editor loves it."
Parks and Recreation
"You did say it,right?"
Parks and Recreation
"Technically. Technically?"
Parks and Recreation
"you got up because you had to write the article and I said,come on,stay in bed."
Parks and Recreation
"Yeah,but the important part of what I said was stay in bed."
Parks and Recreation
"Okay,well since we're,you know,romantically involved,I won't print any of it."
Parks and Recreation
"You know... I wouldn't say romantically involved."
Parks and Recreation
"What?"
Parks and Recreation
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