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Clips from Cheers - Sam at Eleven (S01E01)

Back in the real city, they call me Big Eddie.

"Back in the real city, they call me Big Eddie."

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Pig Eddie?

"Pig Eddie?"

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You know, Big Ed, the Sox are doing OK.

"You know, Big Ed, the Sox are doing OK."

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- Fred, another round for everybody? - No, Louise didn't have much money.

"- Fred, another round for everybody? - No, Louise didn't have much money."

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Here.

"Here."

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Tact is perhaps your wisest recourse.

"Tact is perhaps your wisest recourse."

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How'd you like to take a flying leap up a knuckle sandwich?

"How'd you like to take a flying leap up a knuckle sandwich?"

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Everybody sit back, relax. Read a napkin.

"Everybody sit back, relax. Read a napkin."

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You used to be a relief pitcher for the Boston Red Sox.

"You used to be a relief pitcher for the Boston Red Sox."

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Thanks.

"Thanks."

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As I recall, you had a darned good hard slider.

"As I recall, you had a darned good hard slider."

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And you're schlepping drinks?

"And you're schlepping drinks?"

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The great Sam "Maybe" Malone.

"The great Sam "Maybe" Malone."

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- Let me buy you a drink. - No, thanks.

"- Let me buy you a drink. - No, thanks."

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I didn't mean all that stuff. C'mon, have a drink.

"I didn't mean all that stuff. C'mon, have a drink."

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He doesn't drink any more.

"He doesn't drink any more."

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He licked his booze problem three years ago.

"He licked his booze problem three years ago."

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What was it like pitching at two guys at the same time?

"What was it like pitching at two guys at the same time?"

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What was it like coming in with bases loaded, and so were you?

"What was it like coming in with bases loaded, and so were you?"

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- Easy. I got her. - It's OK, everybody, I'm fine.

"- Easy. I got her. - It's OK, everybody, I'm fine."

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- You alright? - I'd better get this looked at.

"- You alright? - I'd better get this looked at."

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Right. There's a doctor lives right near here.

"Right. There's a doctor lives right near here."

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No, I was thinking more on the lines of an attorney.

"No, I was thinking more on the lines of an attorney."

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No, thanks, I got my own, and he's damn good.

"No, thanks, I got my own, and he's damn good."

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I didn't see anything. I still don't.

"I didn't see anything. I still don't."

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Sam, I ain't got nothing against you, you run a clean bar.

"Sam, I ain't got nothing against you, you run a clean bar."

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Fire her and I'll forget the whole thing.

"Fire her and I'll forget the whole thing."

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There must be some other way to settle this.

"There must be some other way to settle this."

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Yeah? What d'you suggest?

"Yeah? What d'you suggest?"

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Well, certainly, an apology's in order. Carla.

"Well, certainly, an apology's in order. Carla."

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Well, that's it, happy hour is over.

"Well, that's it, happy hour is over."

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- What did he say? - If he's worth a dime,

"- What did he say? - If he's worth a dime,"

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And there is substantial grounds for cause of action.

"And there is substantial grounds for cause of action."

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- How did you know that? - Well, I picked it up in pre-law.

"- How did you know that? - Well, I picked it up in pre-law."

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That was after art and before psychology.

"That was after art and before psychology."

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Is there anything you weren't in college?

"Is there anything you weren't in college?"

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- Check the yearbook, Carla. - Don't. Just stop.

"- Check the yearbook, Carla. - Don't. Just stop."

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Sam.

"Sam."

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Look, I'm sorry I got you in trouble. I promise it won't happen again.

"Look, I'm sorry I got you in trouble. I promise it won't happen again."

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How am supposed to I believe that?

"How am supposed to I believe that?"

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You've flown off the handle too often.

"You've flown off the handle too often."

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The correct change.

"The correct change."

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- ...abusive with customers. - I'll handle this.

"- ...abusive with customers. - I'll handle this."

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A history of being abusive with customers.

"A history of being abusive with customers."

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Sam, he was insulting you.

"Sam, he was insulting you."

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In Yankee Stadium I had to face 50,000 Eddies.

"In Yankee Stadium I had to face 50,000 Eddies."

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I'm your friend and I like you.

"I'm your friend and I like you."

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But I'm also a businessman, and as such I don't like what you did.

"But I'm also a businessman, and as such I don't like what you did."

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Look, I could get tough. My lawyer wants me to do what Eddie asked.

"Look, I could get tough. My lawyer wants me to do what Eddie asked."

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Sam, you can't fire me. I need this job. Think of my kids.

"Sam, you can't fire me. I need this job. Think of my kids."

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If I didn't have this job, I'd have to stay home with them.

"If I didn't have this job, I'd have to stay home with them."

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Excuse me. May I make a suggestion?

"Excuse me. May I make a suggestion?"

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Sure, honey, go ahead. What?

"Sure, honey, go ahead. What?"

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for people who can't control their tempers.

"for people who can't control their tempers."

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You don't have to be wacko to see a psychologist.

"You don't have to be wacko to see a psychologist."

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Perfectly normal, happy people consult psychologists.

"Perfectly normal, happy people consult psychologists."

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I have consulted him professionally myself.

"I have consulted him professionally myself."

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Are you one of his better jobs?

"Are you one of his better jobs?"

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Carla, it might do you a lot of good.

"Carla, it might do you a lot of good."

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Now you think I'm crazy.

"Now you think I'm crazy."

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I mean, I worked all my life to get this mean.

"I mean, I worked all my life to get this mean."

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OK.

"OK."

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Look, if I go see Whitey's shrink, will you let me stay on?

"Look, if I go see Whitey's shrink, will you let me stay on?"

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Show me you're serious, get some help, and I'll keep you on.

"Show me you're serious, get some help, and I'll keep you on."

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Just great. A minute ago, everything seemed so hopeless.

"Just great. A minute ago, everything seemed so hopeless."

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All we need worry about now is Eddie taking my bar.

"All we need worry about now is Eddie taking my bar."

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That didn't last long.

"That didn't last long."

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I'm sorry, pre-law was after literature and before psycho...

"I'm sorry, pre-law was after literature and before psycho..."

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No, wait. Indian studies totally slipped my mind.

"No, wait. Indian studies totally slipped my mind."

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How could I forget that? It changed my life.

"How could I forget that? It changed my life."

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Fine, Eddie. Yeah. See you in 15 minutes.

"Fine, Eddie. Yeah. See you in 15 minutes."

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- So, Ed's coming over? - Yeah, he's on his way.

"- So, Ed's coming over? - Yeah, he's on his way."

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Gee, then he's seen the napkins.

"Gee, then he's seen the napkins."

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You're taking advantage of Carla's day off

"You're taking advantage of Carla's day off"

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I'm gonna tell him Carla's in therapy and ask him to understand.

"I'm gonna tell him Carla's in therapy and ask him to understand."

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My way's better.

"My way's better."

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How many times did you play hurt?

"How many times did you play hurt?"

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- Yeah. - He led the league in HBPs twice.

"- Yeah. - He led the league in HBPs twice."

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I perfected it when I was with the St Louis Browns.

"I perfected it when I was with the St Louis Browns."

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Sometimes I took one right in the old melon.

"Sometimes I took one right in the old melon."

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Here, try to miss me.

"Here, try to miss me."

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Diane, stand there.

"Diane, stand there."

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Now, I got the batter's box marked off back there

"Now, I got the batter's box marked off back there"

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at exactly 50 feet, six inches.

"at exactly 50 feet, six inches."

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You ready? OK, here we go.

"You ready? OK, here we go."

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This is ridiculous.

"This is ridiculous."

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He'll stay there all night unless you throw.

"He'll stay there all night unless you throw."

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OK, honey, I'm ready. Let her rip!

"OK, honey, I'm ready. Let her rip!"

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- I won't get it anywhere near him. - That's the whole point.

"- I won't get it anywhere near him. - That's the whole point."

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Way to hum, girl. Right on the old honeydew.

"Way to hum, girl. Right on the old honeydew."

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I really had to dive for that one, but I still got the old touch.

"I really had to dive for that one, but I still got the old touch."

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Hi, everybody.

"Hi, everybody."

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Carla. Hi.

"Carla. Hi."

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It's Carla. And Ed's on his way over.

"It's Carla. And Ed's on his way over."

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Carla. What the hell are you doing here on your day off?

"Carla. What the hell are you doing here on your day off?"

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I brought my shrink to meet you all. He wanted to put names with faces.

"I brought my shrink to meet you all. He wanted to put names with faces."

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Dr Graham, this is my boss, Sam.

"Dr Graham, this is my boss, Sam."

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- How do you do? - Hi.

"- How do you do? - Hi."

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Well, there's that, too.

"Well, there's that, too."

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It's really nice to meet you, Doctor.

"It's really nice to meet you, Doctor."

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- In what sense? - Pardon me?

"- In what sense? - Pardon me?"

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You mean, "How are you?", not "How are you?"

"You mean, "How are you?", not "How are you?""

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- If that's what you meant, I'm fine. - Good.

"- If that's what you meant, I'm fine. - Good."

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It's good to see you, but I should get back to work.

"It's good to see you, but I should get back to work."

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Hi, Sam.

"Hi, Sam."

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Listen, I asked you over here to talk about Carla tonight.

"Listen, I asked you over here to talk about Carla tonight."

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See, Carla is seeing a therapist. She's trying to work things out.

"See, Carla is seeing a therapist. She's trying to work things out."

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She wants to be the kind of waitress that you'd enjoy being waited on by.

"She wants to be the kind of waitress that you'd enjoy being waited on by."

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Don't you have customers to deal with?

"Don't you have customers to deal with?"

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That ended with a preposition, too.

"That ended with a preposition, too."

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I've come a long way, though.

"I've come a long way, though."

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Ed, gimme a break.

"Ed, gimme a break."

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I've been working damn hard and I'm better.

"I've been working damn hard and I'm better."

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- Wait a minute. - Let it go.

"- Wait a minute. - Let it go."

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- You're doing wonderfully. - Hang in there.

"- You're doing wonderfully. - Hang in there."

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Sam Malone was a terrible pitcher!

"Sam Malone was a terrible pitcher!"

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OK.

"OK."

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OK, Sam. I'm gonna drop the whole thing.

"OK, Sam. I'm gonna drop the whole thing."

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I wish you hadn't said that about the Bruins.

"I wish you hadn't said that about the Bruins."

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No.

"No."

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