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Clips from Haters Back Off! - Netwerking at the Nursing Home (S01E01)

"So, I'm gonna sing "Respect" by Aretha Franklin,"
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"[Jim] And..."
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"[pops lips] Amazing."
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"remember how you used to sing "Danny Boy" for Aunty Moira every Sunday?"
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"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa. How much does this gig pay?"
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"It doesn't pay anything."
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"No, I care about stuff. Hello?"
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"Sounds like things are pretty serious."
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"Extremely."
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"I'm happy for you."
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"[slurps]"
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"You don't look happy."
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"Better."
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"Here you go. Thank you. Have a nice day."
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"Yeah. 20 years, actually."
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"I need that discount. [clears throat] All right."
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"- Oh! - [both chuckle]"
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"Oh, wow, um, I... I'm sorry. I can't. I..."
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"- They're... - [Keith chuckles]"
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"[snoring]"
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"You're just gonna need to breathe through your mouth like... [gasps]"
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"- Nope, I can taste it. - [Emily] Okay."
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"Do you remember Miranda?"
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"for free."
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"[stammers] Uh, I think they think it's a forgery."
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"That doesn't make any sense."
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"It's something with Aunty Moira about, uh, her pills or head..."
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"There's a huge Hollywood director over there."
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"He's the next vital link in your rise to fame."
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"He can make you a movie star."
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"Miranda, may I present to you, Bob Hamburg,"
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"- [Jim softly] Wow. Yes! - [softly] Yes!"
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"[stammering] I will hunt you down,"
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"and... and I will probably explain how hurtful your actions were."
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"[sighs] Oh, thank God."
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"We're gonna light this garbage can on fire..."
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"Oh, you're a genius!"
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"- Ah, thank you. I think I am, yes. - Mmm-hmm."
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"- Hold on, I forgot the matches. - What?"
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"So, this is what we're gonna do."
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"[groans]"
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"Oh, good idea. And we'll light the fire after."
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"What?"
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"Miranda, show him sad."
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"Miranda has the voice of an obese Viking princess."
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"♪ Oh, what do you do When you're lookin' at me? ♪"
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"♪ Hey, I should put her in my movie ♪"
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"Mr. Hamburg, I am so sorry."
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"Mr. Hamburg..."
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"He's dead."
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"I need to mourn."
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"We were so close to getting me that movie deal."
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"Didn't even bleed."
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"[cell phone vibrating]"
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"This is Bob Hamburg's nephew, Ben."
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"I heard you were with my uncle when he died."
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"I had no idea you were that close to him."
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"When he died, there was no one closer to him than me."
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"I'm stuck in New York for the next few weeks,"
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"so, unfortunately, I'm not gonna be able to get to the funeral."
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"And I was wondering if you might say a few words"
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"Bob was gonna help me with my acting career."
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"So we need to find a costume that will cheer everyone up."
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"[Miranda] Oh. How about a red feather boa?"
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"Ooh, the daddy saddle! Wanna take it for a ride?"
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"and to get more famouser."
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"- How about that? - Emily, my special child."
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"- Yeah, go ahead. Try it on. - [sighs] Okay. Let's see."
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"and... No, thank you."
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"You're gonna be at the funeral. I'm gonna be at the funeral."
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"And no one will have the slightest idea that it's our first date."
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"- Okay. [chuckles] Okay. - [Keith chuckles] All right."
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"- Patrick. - Hi."
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"Stop her? She's gonna be great."
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"If you told me Miranda was gonna sing at my funeral, I would die tomorrow."
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"- [groans] - Look at her."
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"Oh, this can't be good."
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"I'm so sorry."
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"["My Humps" playing over speakers]"
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"Welcome to Bob Hamburg's funeral, everybody."
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"I'm your host, Miranda,"
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"♪ My lovely little lumps Check it out ♪"
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"So, thank you for that."
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"- [whispering] Sweetheart... - [pastor] What I did not steal..."
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"...could you tell that goddess next to you"
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"[pastor] Let not those who hope in you be put to shame..."
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"[whispers] Oh, that's my niece."
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"You know, I prepared a speech for the occasion."
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"But now that I'm up here,"
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"I feel like it'd be better if I just spoke from my heart."
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"So, anyways... Bob is dead, but you guys are here."
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"She's so talented." [chuckles] You know?"
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"[voice echoing] ...and I'm definitely gonna get a gig."
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"So, welcome to the funeral, everybody!"
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"- I'm so excited to be your host. - [beating intensifies]"
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"Emily, stop it."
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"Emily, stop it! You are ruining my moment!"
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"you were right about that Miranda girl. She is awesome. [chuckles]"
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"I didn't even get to the good part. Emily came in and ruined everything."
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"Right after the graveyard, these people are gonna go home,"
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"they're gonna look you up online, and your numbers are going to skyrocket."
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"- Right. Well, same thing. - Same thing."
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"or how badly you think you want something..."
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"♪ The summer's gone ♪"
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"Hey, guys. It's me, Miranda."
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"Just wanna let you know that even though you're all a bunch of haters,"
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"I'm not gonna let that stop me from pursuing my dreams."
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"You're all just jealous."
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"So, haters, you can just back off!"
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"'cause I wanna show the haters that they need to show some respect."
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"'Cause they do."
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"So... [sniffs] all you haters listen up,"
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"'cause this one's for you."
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"["Respect" playing]"
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"♪ What you want Baby, I got it ♪"
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"♪ What you need You know I got it ♪"
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"♪ All I'm askin' Is for a little respect ♪"
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"♪ When you get home Yeah, baby, when you get home ♪"
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"- That's how the models do it. - Mmm."
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"[pops lips] How's it look?"
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