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Clips from The League (2009) - The Bounce Test (S01E01)

"I mean, she gave him all the good years. Pete hasn't even grown up."
The League (2009)
"He's totally immature. I mean, you don't just leave your wife."
The League (2009)
"- You know what? - We're not getting a divorce."
The League (2009)
"No, because this dog loves that cat."
The League (2009)
"- I love you. - I love you too."
The League (2009)
"I love you."
The League (2009)
"Maybe tonight we could show each other how we love each other."
The League (2009)
"- I can't talk to her. - What do you mean?"
The League (2009)
"Ask her a question."
The League (2009)
"Ask her about her dress or where she gets the shoes."
The League (2009)
"- I'm uncomfortable. - I know you are but you have to do this."
The League (2009)
"How's the baby?"
The League (2009)
"- He is amazing. - Yeah?"
The League (2009)
"- He's a gift. - And he gave me a gift."
The League (2009)
"- Look at those. - Yeah."
The League (2009)
"- They're gorgeous. - Those are something."
The League (2009)
"- I've never had boobs this big, ever. - They're wonderful."
The League (2009)
"Come on, feel it. Come on, feel it."
The League (2009)
"- Oh, yep, they're big. - Isn't it fantastic?"
The League (2009)
"Okay, your wife has more access to my wife's breasts than I do."
The League (2009)
"How are yours? Did they stay that way, let me see?"
The League (2009)
"I would be a little concerned of stretch marks when they're that big."
The League (2009)
"Okay, all right."
The League (2009)
"- Okay. - It's killing me too, babe."
The League (2009)
"It's so upsetting."
The League (2009)
"The thing is that I wanna let you know is that I'll never leave you."
The League (2009)
"Well, I don't think Kevin would ever leave me."
The League (2009)
"- Why's that? - Because I have confidence in my pussy."
The League (2009)
"- Ha-ha-ha! - Um..."
The League (2009)
"- Sweetheart, that's... - That's good, I mean..."
The League (2009)
"- I got a great puss. - Stop it."
The League (2009)
"- You do. - You're dropping P bombs."
The League (2009)
"Can I ask? Do you have great confidence in your pussy, or is this vaginal hubris?"
The League (2009)
"- Do you want references? - Yeah."
The League (2009)
"If he doesn't wanna talk about it..."
The League (2009)
"...I'm pretty sure my ex-boyfriend would tell you all about it."
The League (2009)
"- Are you out of your mind? - What is your ex-boyfriend's full name?"
The League (2009)
"Whatever. You don't need to know about it. I am proud of it."
The League (2009)
"It's a lovely pussy. You should be proud of your pussy."
The League (2009)
"Oh, my God."
The League (2009)
"- How's your pussy? She have a good pussy? - Stop it. I'm sorry."
The League (2009)
"- Can you stop? - This is so amazing."
The League (2009)
"We are gonna get you back in the saddle."
The League (2009)
"Eight years, things have changed, bigtime."
The League (2009)
"First of all, you can't just go up and talk to a girl anymore, all right?"
The League (2009)
"That's out. You gotta neg them."
The League (2009)
"- Neg, as in be negative? - Exactly."
The League (2009)
"Nice pants. Makes your butt look fat."
The League (2009)
"- Okay, yeah, she hates you right now. - Right now."
The League (2009)
"I don't think negging is for me, I gotta say. It's not my speed."
The League (2009)
"If you're not gonna do negging, do magic."
The League (2009)
"I'm gonna tell you that everybody loves magic."
The League (2009)
"- Everyone. - What's your success rate around here?"
The League (2009)
"What are we talking? Hand jibbers?"
The League (2009)
"Anything. Anything at all."
The League (2009)
"- What's up, boys? - Taco."
The League (2009)
"- Dr. Dre, Pete, what's going on? - Not much, what's going on?"
The League (2009)
"- Hey, let me buy you a drink, on me. - No, man. I don't..."
The League (2009)
"I don't pay for drinks here. The bartender's my Eskimo brother."
The League (2009)
"What's up, T-Bag? Can I get the usual?"
The League (2009)
"What's a Eskimo brother?"
The League (2009)
"When two guys had sex with the same girl, they're Eskimo brothers."
The League (2009)
"- Yeah. Linda. - How do you know that?"
The League (2009)
"You just do. Guys..."
The League (2009)
"You have to know what your Eskimo family tree is."
The League (2009)
"How do you get things done?"
The League (2009)
"- We got jobs. - Went to college."
The League (2009)
"Yeah, and we make money and we purchase things."
The League (2009)
"I'll pay 5 bucks for valet, but 6.50 is ridiculous."
The League (2009)
"- What do you tip? - I don't know."
The League (2009)
"Oh, my God, you're wasted."
The League (2009)
"I don't know."
The League (2009)
"- Oh, look at you. - Take them off."
The League (2009)
"Okay, relax. I'll take them off."
The League (2009)
"Skinny jeans. Why?"
The League (2009)
"- Let's go to bed, I'm exhausted. - Come on."
The League (2009)
"Why? No?"
The League (2009)
"- You're killing my confidence here. - It's not about confidence."
The League (2009)
"You'll pass out. It turns into an after-school special."
The League (2009)
"- I feel weird about this, I do. - I'm not gonna pass out."
The League (2009)
"- I'm gonna get you. - No, no, no, you're not gonna get me."
The League (2009)
"Oh, my God, you're aggressive."
The League (2009)
"- This is very, very unlike you. - I'm gonna show you why I'm so confident."
The League (2009)
"Just relax. You're gonna pull something."
The League (2009)
"Wait a second, where's your leg?"
The League (2009)
"- Oh, my God. - Right?"
The League (2009)
"- Ha-ha-ha! - Oh, my God. That, keep doing that."
The League (2009)
"Keep doing that."
The League (2009)
"Knock, knock, knock. Oh, well, this place is a shit hole."
The League (2009)
"What is this?"
The League (2009)
"Thank you. I didn't have an affair."
The League (2009)
"I just found it at the gas station, in the bargain bin."
The League (2009)
"- Hey, you back together with Meegan yet? - I did not."
The League (2009)
"- Are you having sex with your wife yet? - No, no, I'm not."
The League (2009)
"- Is there a bottle opener around here? - Nope."
The League (2009)
"Great."
The League (2009)
"Look, I know you're just doing this to get, like, a little vacation for your marriage."
The League (2009)
"But can't you just scurry back for like one week?"
The League (2009)
"Being married to Meegan is like being at the beach, okay?"
The League (2009)
"You put up with this shit that's completely unacceptable in any other situation."
The League (2009)
"It's like you're shivering in shorts in 50-degree weather, but we're at the beach."
The League (2009)
"But the truth is, some beaches suck. Some beaches are bad."
The League (2009)
"You can't see this, because you're still living at the beach, but I left."
The League (2009)
"I can't go back to the beach, man, I'm done."
The League (2009)
"What?"
The League (2009)
"- You don't think about divorce, seriously? - I mean, I've thought about it."
The League (2009)
"- Why? You have, like, a moral stipulation? - No."
The League (2009)
"If Sofia and I split up, 50 percent of my time..."
The League (2009)
"...I would have to spend 100 percent of my time with my kid."
The League (2009)
"...30 percent of my time."
The League (2009)
"You cannot beat those numbers."
The League (2009)
"Also, if we got a divorce, she would get half of my money..."
The League (2009)
"...yet still paying her to just get pounded by other dudes."
The League (2009)
"Which will happen because she is still smoking hot..."
The League (2009)
"...whereas I look like a Nazi propaganda cartoon of a Jew."
The League (2009)
"- Hey. - Now, that is a bachelor gift."
The League (2009)
"- Look at this guy. - Yeah."
The League (2009)
"More importantly, how is her vagina doing today?"
The League (2009)
"Is it feeling aloof, timid, cantankerous?"
The League (2009)
"Wait, wait, wait. You're talking about his wife's private parts?"
The League (2009)
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