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Clips from Archer - Motherless Child (S07E07)

"if I have to pull his spine out through his face."
Archer
"Um, and also can I go to the bathroom? No."
Archer
"Then why does Archer get to do whatever he wants"
Archer
"plus morphine when you're not even my robot supervisor!"
Archer
"Well, if she's going-- Everybody go to the damn bathroom!"
Archer
"Go crazy, use the frickin' bidet!"
Archer
"I'm not the one running out of oxygen here."
Archer
"Oh right, I forgot about Miss Archer."
Archer
"Although..."
Archer
"step three's no prize."
Archer
"Aha!"
Archer
"You lost me."
Archer
"I want you to Edison this elephant."
Archer
"Ooo-kay. Nope, still lost."
Archer
"Thomas Edison! Remember? When he killed that elephant"
Archer
"by jamming a big, fat electric cable up its asshole?"
Archer
"What? Yeah."
Archer
"The kindly Wizard of Menlo Park,"
Archer
"bought a sweet old circus elephant just to murder it."
Archer
"Now I want you to figure out a way to zap Barry"
Archer
"Uh, okay, like-- Like, just brick him."
Archer
"It would take like, gigawatts worth of volts."
Archer
"But how many volts do you think we have with"
Archer
"Hmm, and if I routed it all to a single circuit,"
Archer
"for good measure, and get Barry to touch said dimmer switch..."
Archer
"Wait, what happened to jamming"
Archer
"a big, fat electric cable up his asshole?"
Archer
"and B, a dimmer switch is way easier."
Archer
"he can't tell you where Miss Archer is!"
Archer
"I kinda think you should worry about it before then."
Archer
"Krieger, if I worried about a fraction of the stuff"
Archer
"I should be worried about, I'd never get anything done!"
Archer
"I know, but-- Oh my God, BPA!"
Archer
"Shh, shh, shh."
Archer
"What? I said I'm in love with Barry."
Archer
"Oh, my tits, what? How could-- He's a frickin machine!"
Archer
"What? It's not "noice!" Noyce."
Archer
"How could you be attracted to a homicidal maniac?"
Archer
"The mountaineer? Yes!"
Archer
"Well, here's a quote by me:"
Archer
"Noice."
Archer
"Ha! Now just to see where the hell I am..."
Archer
"What? Oh, for the love!"
Archer
"Although, no matter who or what ends up killing me,"
Archer
"The idiot."
Archer
"Name something a clock would say."
Archer
"I'm too wound up!"
Archer
"Seriously. I could maybe help you unwind."
Archer
"Ugh. Didn't I murder you one time?"
Archer
"Get back to work, what are you doing? What are you doing?"
Archer
"Yeah, Archer, it is getting dark,"
Archer
"which means your mommy is running out"
Archer
"You turn up the damn dimmer! No, Barry, you do it!"
Archer
"Ugh, Jesus, I'll turn up the stupid dimmer."
Archer
"on the floor, full of electrolytes?"
Archer
"Is it? Are you trying to electrocute me?"
Archer
"Wait, are we doing-- Jesus!"
Archer
"A mother! The one thing"
Archer
"I've been searching for my entire goddamn life,"
Archer
"Just like you do with everything else!"
Archer
"You take your mother for granted? Fine!"
Archer
"I don't think that's gonna be a problem."
Archer
"Yeah? Well, get in line, lady!"
Archer
"I found her!"
Archer
"Found who? Your mom! At least I think I did."
Archer
"So, the Hide-A-Wee Home For Children..."
Archer
"That's where I grew up! Took in a newborn baby,"
Archer
"And, according to County Hospital's records,"
Archer
"the baby was put up for adoption by a young woman named..."
Archer
"You sure you wanna know this?"
Archer
"She lives in L.A.!"
Archer
"Well? What are you waiting for?"
Archer
"Go to her!"
Archer
"I mean, yeah, right? I mean, right?"
Archer
"But what? I mean, you can't go like that."
Archer
"Well, a Terminator."
Archer
"I think I may have just the thing."
Archer
"Okay, I was kinda saving this for..."
Archer
"this other thing, but anyhoo."
Archer
"And hands. What, it's for this other... nothing."
Archer
"What, you thought I'd pick you?"
Archer
"Wow! Off to meet my birth mother."
Archer
"I'm okay!"
Archer
"Oh, shit! The pennies!"
Archer
"I learned... Wow."
Archer
"of Dr. Krieger is full of our faces."
Archer
"And hands. I-- Look,"
Archer
"Evenin'."
Archer
"I'll give you $1,000 for a ride to the nearest bar."
Archer
"What?"
Archer
"Oh, shit yeah, lady, climb on up!"
Archer
"Whew. Thank you."
Archer
"Thank you. A thousand bucks?"
Archer
"You're either crazy or rich or both."
Archer
"Well, I don't have it on me obviously, but..."
Archer
"Oh, I betcha we can work something out."
Archer
"Yeah, you're like a silver fox."
Archer
"them curtains match the rug, 'cause I like that."
Archer
"Ya like an elbow to the throat?"
Archer
"Although, if you had worded that a bit more delicately"
Archer
"Oh, oh my God, rumaki."
Archer
"Oh, for-- Goddamn it, Pam!"
Archer
"Look, not many people know this, all right,"
Archer
"You cyborg son of a bitch!"
Archer
"Carol? Her name's Cher--"
Archer
"Which is pumping air to... Carol?"
Archer
"Whoops."
Archer
"You animal!"
Archer
"For now at least, yeah, I think so."
Archer
"Yes, which means both holes hurt!"
Archer
"Yeah, because trying to kill Barry"
Archer
"Damn machine. You need a Ph.D."
Archer
"I just want it to drip, but there's no button for drip!"
Archer
"What are you, in the shower? Hello?"
Archer
"reverse cryptographic hash function,"
Archer
"is that it's a felony."
Archer
"And why is it so frickin' hot?"
Archer
"I mean-- I still have feelings!"
Archer
"your beady little eyes on my... endoskeleton!"
Archer
"I wanna see her, put her up on the monitor."
Archer
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