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Clips from Archer (2009) - Animation (S02E02)

"...why would he put a mind-control chip into your brain?"
Archer (2009)
"- Because he thinks he's my father. - And what, you think he wanted..."
Archer (2009)
"- Well, people in hell want ice water. - What?"
Archer (2009)
"No, never mind. You'll find out soon enough as it is."
Archer (2009)
"- Avoid the truth, bury the secrets, hide the... - Oh, for the..."
Archer (2009)
"No."
Archer (2009)
"Mother, tell me this is a joke."
Archer (2009)
"But it turns out the whole thing was nothing but a damn Ponzi scheme."
Archer (2009)
"[CHERYL CHUCKLES]"
Archer (2009)
"- That's totally not irie. - Then why don't you go back to Jamaica?"
Archer (2009)
"A, because I got deported, and B... So she can actually sell ISIS?"
Archer (2009)
"- Doesn't the government own it? - I've never been clear on that."
Archer (2009)
"It's way too complicated to explain, especially to you two."
Archer (2009)
"The question is, who would buy it?"
Archer (2009)
"ARCHER: ODIN? - Or whom."
Archer (2009)
"- Yes, ODIN. - Why would ODIN wanna buy...?"
Archer (2009)
"Oh, my God, is Len Trexler behind this?"
Archer (2009)
"- But wait a minute, does he know you're...? TREXLER: Gorgeous."
Archer (2009)
"Hello, beautiful. Hey, kiddo."
Archer (2009)
"Hey back and if you don't mind, we're in the middle of something."
Archer (2009)
"...in the honeymoon suite. - The what?"
Archer (2009)
"In fact, ODIN plans to promote..."
Archer (2009)
"...a very select few ISIS personnel to fill some of the impending vacancies."
Archer (2009)
"Vacancies like...?"
Archer (2009)
"How's Regional Director for the Americas sound?"
Archer (2009)
"...for the taking?"
Archer (2009)
""Taking" as in to get this job, I'd have to have sex with you?"
Archer (2009)
"Hey, hey, those are your words."
Archer (2009)
"- About what? - What are we talking about?"
Archer (2009)
"CHERYL: My ear balls. - Don't you people have work to do?"
Archer (2009)
"Not for long, huh?"
Archer (2009)
"And speaking of, kiddo, I hope you're gonna welcome me into your family."
Archer (2009)
"[VOMITS]"
Archer (2009)
"You people better not track that onto the carpet."
Archer (2009)
"Holy shit snacks."
Archer (2009)
"Is Trexler buying ISIS just to get your mother to marry him?"
Archer (2009)
"- Look, shut up and... - That is some high-priced MILF."
Archer (2009)
"Is that what you've been giving me?"
Archer (2009)
"- They come from... - The brain."
Archer (2009)
"[BEEPING]"
Archer (2009)
"What could be so secret she wired it up with 12 pounds of C4?"
Archer (2009)
"GILLETTE: What? - Heh. Nice."
Archer (2009)
"- Blue and yellow. - The blue..."
Archer (2009)
"- Look at it for more than half a second. - I wired the damn thing, ass."
Archer (2009)
"- Okay. - Oh, my God."
Archer (2009)
"- What? You think that's funny? - [SINGSONG] Ba-dum-dum-zing!"
Archer (2009)
"[DRAWER RATTLING]"
Archer (2009)
"ARCHER: What? - Not compared to that."
Archer (2009)
"ARCHER: What is that? No. - Oh, yeah."
Archer (2009)
"- Yeah. Not a bumblebee, is it? - No."
Archer (2009)
"- Well, if you don't shut it off... - She'll know somebody was in here."
Archer (2009)
"Sounds like there's about four big-ass D cells in there."
Archer (2009)
"- Oh, my God. - Like a jackhammer."
Archer (2009)
"- No, it's not any kind of black. - Racist."
Archer (2009)
"Try to think about something else."
Archer (2009)
"- Oh, my God. - Yeah."
Archer (2009)
"ARCHER: There's no sink! Ahh!"
Archer (2009)
"- Oh, I touched my mother's dildo. GILLETTE: You should've borrowed these."
Archer (2009)
"They're, like, super heavy duty. Gah!"
Archer (2009)
"- Hey, what are you doing? - What are you doing, making robot birds?"
Archer (2009)
"I know. So how about don't break any more stuff in my new office?"
Archer (2009)
"Yup. I mean, I kind of maybe have to sleep with Barry, but..."
Archer (2009)
"- Lana, how can you do that? - Um, by getting drunk."
Archer (2009)
"- Same thing your mother's doing. - Hey."
Archer (2009)
"I know it's killing you that she's leaving you for another man."
Archer (2009)
"- Phrasing. - But you better not mess this up."
Archer (2009)
"- Oh, shit. - Probably hydraulic fluid."
Archer (2009)
"It's sweet-and-sour, dumbass."
Archer (2009)
"- Or whom. - Oh, Barry, how's your shattered femur?"
Archer (2009)
"How's your..."
Archer (2009)
"...creepily childlike feeling of maternal abandonment?"
Archer (2009)
"- The sale isn't final yet, Barry. - No, but it will be."
Archer (2009)
"- Freaky. - I'll tell you what's freaky..."
Archer (2009)
"- Wow, that's actually better. - Yeah, it's all yours."
Archer (2009)
"- He'd suffocate. - Not the rabbit, idiot, the chip."
Archer (2009)
"- Oh, yes, absolutely. - Without killing the person?"
Archer (2009)
"[TREXLER GROANS]"
Archer (2009)
"Feels better than this offer. Len, I need at least 20 percent down."
Archer (2009)
"Oh, come on, it's not like you need the money."
Archer (2009)
"...shacked up with what's-her-face, the crazy one?"
Archer (2009)
"Yeah, Anastasia. She killed herself."
Archer (2009)
"Eh."
Archer (2009)
"Yeah, that's how you like it, huh?"
Archer (2009)
"It wasn't a conversation, Lana. I was just talking to my gun, not with it."
Archer (2009)
"Yeah, so are they in there signing the sale contract or...?"
Archer (2009)
"- As we speak. - Yes."
Archer (2009)
"...that same kind of enthusiasm and self-starterishness to having sex with me."
Archer (2009)
"ARCHER: Okay, so that's Barry and Lana."
Archer (2009)
"Wait, why do we have so many damn dolls in here?"
Archer (2009)
"[ARCHER SIGHS]"
Archer (2009)
"- How is that supposed to help? - It can't hurt."
Archer (2009)
"- Because he was engaged. - I was married."
Archer (2009)
"Just get Lana in the mainframe. I'll take care of Trexler."
Archer (2009)
"And Pam, your job is to neutralize the ODIN agents."
Archer (2009)
"- How the shit am I supposed to do that? - With Krieger's magic breath strips."
Archer (2009)
"Even the tip of your finger... Oh."
Archer (2009)
"Oh, for ****'s sake, Krieger. You're about to do brain surgery."
Archer (2009)
"Yeah, so sooner's gonna be better than later."
Archer (2009)
"- Damn it, how much time do we have? - For me, usually about 20 minutes."
Archer (2009)
"- Usually? - Less if I take two."
Archer (2009)
"- Not the medical kind. - Not even the other kind."
Archer (2009)
"ARCHER: I gotta tell you guys..."
Archer (2009)
"...not feeling super confident about this plan."
Archer (2009)
"So I guess you must be the infamous Barry everyone's talking about."
Archer (2009)
"Yeah. Go away."
Archer (2009)
"[CHUCKLES]"
Archer (2009)
"- Go away. - So Lana said to give you this."
Archer (2009)
"...so until the contract is signed, don't let Archer anywhere near that office."
Archer (2009)
"What are you...? Don't do that, you asshole."
Archer (2009)
"We're buying this place. Carpet's shitty enough as it is."
Archer (2009)
"Whoa, here, take three or four of them. Probably won't kill you guys, either."
Archer (2009)
"Aw, honey, you're not going anywhere, not when I'm the regional director."
Archer (2009)
"- Really? - Yeah, used those exact words."
Archer (2009)
"Ugh. It all feels so dirty."
Archer (2009)
"- Yeah, the carpet in there is gross. - No, trading sex for this job."
Archer (2009)
"- We all gotta do what we all gotta do. - You wouldn't hate me for it?"
Archer (2009)
"Oh, God, no. But just do reverse cowgirl because that carpet is seriously heinous."
Archer (2009)
"Wow, so guess that worked, huh?"
Archer (2009)
"- Pamela, cool runnings, man. - God, would you give it a rest, um...?"
Archer (2009)
"[ODIN AGENTS LAUGHING AND GRUNTING]"
Archer (2009)
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