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Clips from Dr. Ken - Ken's Physical (S01E01)

"You're such a difficult patient, I almost forgot."
Dr. Ken
"Look, I know you're trying to be thorough,"
Dr. Ken
"but those two stones are staying unturned."
Dr. Ken
"Perfectly healthy."
Dr. Ken
"Please don't look me in the eyes just yet."
Dr. Ken
"Look what Julie did to me."
Dr. Ken
"and now she's forcing me to wear this monitor all night."
Dr. Ken
"My friend Amir wore one of those to school,"
Dr. Ken
"and the principal called the S.W.A.T. Team."
Dr. Ken
"or wear something with a plunging neckline?"
Dr. Ken
"You said it was for one night."
Dr. Ken
"Tomorrow you can flaunt all the cleavage you want."
Dr. Ken
"Have you seen what's going on next door?"
Dr. Ken
"The film crew is on lunch,"
Dr. Ken
"and the line is past our driveway."
Dr. Ken
"They're serving chicken parm... dee-lish."
Dr. Ken
"So, Dave, what did we tell you"
Dr. Ken
"about taking food from strangers?"
Dr. Ken
"He calls me "papi.""
Dr. Ken
"So, how was the new job?"
Dr. Ken
"Eh, kind of hard to judge on one day."
Dr. Ken
"But seeing as there won't be another day, it was not great."
Dr. Ken
"You got fired again?!"
Dr. Ken
"Come on!"
Dr. Ken
"Pottery doesn't get fired as much as you!"
Dr. Ken
"Ken, we get it."
Dr. Ken
"It wasn't my fault."
Dr. Ken
"It's a cart that sells iPhone cases,"
Dr. Ken
"and they put it at the opposite end of the mall"
Dr. Ken
"from the Apple store."
Dr. Ken
"So I made an executive decision and moved it."
Dr. Ken
"What did you hit?"
Dr. Ken
"In my defense, there was just as much screaming and crying"
Dr. Ken
"Eh, just do what you're told and make that money."
Dr. Ken
"Way to squash my entrepreneurial spirit."
Dr. Ken
"I bet nobody ever told Steve Jobs to,"
Dr. Ken
""just do what you're told.""
Dr. Ken
"Hey, Steve Jobs had a daughter he didn't even acknowledge."
Dr. Ken
"So he was smart in ways the rest of us can only marvel at."
Dr. Ken
"Damona pranked me yesterday, but I'm about to get her back."
Dr. Ken
"I ordered five pizzas in her name."
Dr. Ken
"And the mortification of Damona Watkins starts now."
Dr. Ken
"I didn't order any pizza."
Dr. Ken
"I have your name and this address."
Dr. Ken
"Well, I'm not paying for it."
Dr. Ken
"Oh, you don't have to. They're pre-paid."
Dr. Ken
"You paid for the pizzas?"
Dr. Ken
"Well, duh. I'm not pranking the delivery guy."
Dr. Ken
"She didn't order that."
Dr. Ken
"This is awkward for her."
Dr. Ken
"Why do I smell prosciutto and brie?"
Dr. Ken
"Ask Damona. This is her mess."
Dr. Ken
"Aah!"
Dr. Ken
"Hey, Pat, free pizza. Help yourself."
Dr. Ken
"Hells, yeah!"
Dr. Ken
"Mmm! Ohh, caramelized figs!"
Dr. Ken
"That's what I'm talking about."
Dr. Ken
"Oh, grab a slice quick. It's drizzled with truffle oil."
Dr. Ken
"That was $12 extra."
Dr. Ken
"Oh, damn it!"
Dr. Ken
"Hello!"
Dr. Ken
"Oh, look who it is."
Dr. Ken
"Keep your hands where I can see them."
Dr. Ken
"Anyway, I have the results from your monitor,"
Dr. Ken
"and there were some irregular beats"
Dr. Ken
"- and spikes in your heart rate. - Really?"
Dr. Ken
"Yeah, the first one was at 7:30."
Dr. Ken
"Do you remember what you were doing then?"
Dr. Ken
"It was after dinner. I was in the kitchen talking to Allison."
Dr. Ken
"9:40?"
Dr. Ken
"I was getting ready for bed, talking to Allison."
Dr. Ken
"And 10:30?"
Dr. Ken
"Talking to Allison!"
Dr. Ken
"So you're saying Allison is my stress trigger?"
Dr. Ken
"Oh, no, there could be lots of other reasons why..."
Dr. Ken
"Oh, no, no, I don't need "other.""
Dr. Ken
"I need this!"
Dr. Ken
"Otherwise, you have a clean bill of health."
Dr. Ken
"A clean bill of health gets me nothing."
Dr. Ken
"Lording this over Allison till the end of time?"
Dr. Ken
"Well, I would say "priceless""
Dr. Ken
"Ah, hey, bae."
Dr. Ken
"Oh, how was your day?"
Dr. Ken
"A real eye-opener, even."
Dr. Ken
"I have to thank you, Allison."
Dr. Ken
"You were so right to make me get that physical."
Dr. Ken
"Young Julie actually did find something"
Dr. Ken
"that's slowly killing me."
Dr. Ken
"- What? - It's you, Allison."
Dr. Ken
"Ta-da!"
Dr. Ken
"Irrefutable proof that every time we had a conversation,"
Dr. Ken
"my heart rate spiked."
Dr. Ken
"That's right."
Dr. Ken
"You're my stress trigger."
Dr. Ken
"Come on."
Dr. Ken
"That's got to be the dumbest thing I ever heard."
Dr. Ken
"And you once dragged me to see Dikembe Mutombo"
Dr. Ken
"and Muggsy Bogues in "Of Mice and Men.""
Dr. Ken
"Ooh, easy, trigger."
Dr. Ken
"because the Rutledges will be here any minute,"
Dr. Ken
"but we are finishing this later."
Dr. Ken
"I see this as a high-stress situation."
Dr. Ken
"Okay, just tell me, how long is this gonna go on?"
Dr. Ken
"I don't know. As long as I live?"
Dr. Ken
"So it's really up to you, isn't it?"
Dr. Ken
"Got it."
Dr. Ken
"Clark, have you seen Damona?"
Dr. Ken
"I got her this cruller as a thank-you"
Dr. Ken
"for the delicious pizzas she treated us to."
Dr. Ken
"Yeah, she's a gem."
Dr. Ken
"I'm the gem."
Dr. Ken
"I sparkle and shine."
Dr. Ken
"Well, I guess all's well that ends well, then."
Dr. Ken
"I thought Damona was my friend."
Dr. Ken
"Oh, good. More."
Dr. Ken
"I just don't understand"
Dr. Ken
"why she'd want to make me look stupid in front of everyone."
Dr. Ken
"Well, you know how when people are good friends,"
Dr. Ken
"they'll often participate in some light to moderate joshing?"
Dr. Ken
"So you're saying Damona's prank was a sign of friendship?"
Dr. Ken
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