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Clips from Dr. Ken - Ken's Physical (S01E01)

"Okay. I'll just write something up and send it in."
Dr. Ken
"You know you can't do it yourself."
Dr. Ken
"Oh, yeah, I meant I will"
Dr. Ken
"have the doctor who gave me the exam write something up."
Dr. Ken
"- Well, who's the doctor? - I can't tell you that."
Dr. Ken
"It's doctor-patient confidentiality."
Dr. Ken
"All right, what's going on? Why are you being weird?"
Dr. Ken
"Okay, you know what's weird?"
Dr. Ken
"when we're dangerously low on shower gel."
Dr. Ken
"Now you're changing the subject."
Dr. Ken
"You only do that when you're hiding something."
Dr. Ken
"No, I don't!"
Dr. Ken
"You know what was sad? When your grandma died."
Dr. Ken
"Ken, when did you get your last physical?"
Dr. Ken
"Fine, look, I don't recall the exact date,"
Dr. Ken
"but I remember it took forever to get home"
Dr. Ken
"because O.J.'S Bronco was clogging up the 405."
Dr. Ken
"you were lying?"
Dr. Ken
"Oh, good. Go ahead."
Dr. Ken
"Spin it any way you want."
Dr. Ken
"I need you to take care of yourself."
Dr. Ken
"I don't want to raise our kids without you."
Dr. Ken
"Let's face it, it's no picnic raising them with you."
Dr. Ken
"I'm a doctor."
Dr. Ken
"You're getting a physical first thing tomorrow."
Dr. Ken
"I mean... look, I don't need one."
Dr. Ken
"Why can't you believe me?"
Dr. Ken
"I don't know. Maybe because for 20 years,"
Dr. Ken
"And you never let me forget it!"
Dr. Ken
"You just told me."
Dr. Ken
"And have we talked about anything else ever since?"
Dr. Ken
"Nice try, but you don't have a choice."
Dr. Ken
"You're going to a doctor. We're in this together, Ken."
Dr. Ken
"Okay!"
Dr. Ken
"What are you doing?"
Dr. Ken
"Okay, I think I may have misread,"
Dr. Ken
""that body belongs to both of us.""
Dr. Ken
"Good morning, everyone!"
Dr. Ken
"I'm speaking loudly so you can all hear me"
Dr. Ken
"over the vast gap in our status."
Dr. Ken
"I have some exciting news."
Dr. Ken
"we're installing a machine to dispense them."
Dr. Ken
"Every morning, you'll each get a code"
Dr. Ken
"What?! So now we have to get our clothes out of a vending machine?"
Dr. Ken
"This is what happens when you jackals take the scrubs home"
Dr. Ken
"to use as sweats or pajamas"
Dr. Ken
"or for role-playing games with your spouses."
Dr. Ken
"Ken!"
Dr. Ken
"but keep it to yourself" mean nothing to you?"
Dr. Ken
"Hey, Julie."
Dr. Ken
"I need a favor, doctor to doctor."
Dr. Ken
"Again? Fine."
Dr. Ken
"Iced Venti Nonfat Chai?"
Dr. Ken
"No, I'm... I'm not asking you to make another coffee run."
Dr. Ken
"Yeah, I have to have a physical."
Dr. Ken
"Dr. Park, I would be honored"
Dr. Ken
"to serve as your personal physician."
Dr. Ken
"Honestly, I was starting to worry"
Dr. Ken
"that you didn't respect me as a doctor."
Dr. Ken
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, just sign this."
Dr. Ken
"No, I don't need an actual exam. I'm in perfect health."
Dr. Ken
"You know, check this."
Dr. Ken
"Boom!"
Dr. Ken
"Not even winded and only slightly pulled my groin."
Dr. Ken
"Anyway, ink that baby up. Allison's on my jock about this."
Dr. Ken
"Because Dr. Dobbs goes third-person when she's nervous."
Dr. Ken
"And she's not signing a darn thing"
Dr. Ken
"until she gives you a complete and thorough physical."
Dr. Ken
"So you come here tomorrow"
Dr. Ken
"ready to give her the respect she deserves."
Dr. Ken
"Oh, and a full cup of urine."
Dr. Ken
"That's... that's a real good look on you."
Dr. Ken
"It's not funny!"
Dr. Ken
"Pat's stupid vending machine has it out for me!"
Dr. Ken
"I punched in my code,"
Dr. Ken
"and out came the outfit from Jared's "before" picture."
Dr. Ken
"You know, before everything."
Dr. Ken
"Oh, those scrubs are too big."
Dr. Ken
"You think?"
Dr. Ken
"if you belted it and bloused it over."
Dr. Ken
"What it would not look is professional."
Dr. Ken
"Oh. Oh, Clark. Clark, I got you."
Dr. Ken
"I gave you the wrong code on purpose, dude."
Dr. Ken
"What? Why? What's funny about that?"
Dr. Ken
"Oh, come on. Here's your actual code."
Dr. Ken
"Is this actually my code,"
Dr. Ken
"or is this one gonna give me super-tiny scrubs?"
Dr. Ken
"Aw, come on."
Dr. Ken
"Now, I know we're colleagues,"
Dr. Ken
"but today I am the physician and you are the patient,"
Dr. Ken
"and I would appreciate it if you treated me as such."
Dr. Ken
"Did you get my text?"
Dr. Ken
"Anyway, I have the results from your chemistry panel."
Dr. Ken
"Ah! Okay."
Dr. Ken
"LDL, creatinine, calcium all good."
Dr. Ken
"Ooh!"
Dr. Ken
"Looks like I tested positive for beefcake."
Dr. Ken
"Okay, everything seems to be where I'd like it..."
Dr. Ken
"Um, it's part of the physical."
Dr. Ken
"Um, it ain't part of this one."
Dr. Ken
"So I'm going to repeat to you"
Dr. Ken
"what I hear you tell dozens of patients every day..."
Dr. Ken
"Don't be a freaking baby!"
Dr. Ken
"Would you feel more comfortable"
Dr. Ken
"if I had Clark come in to observe?"
Dr. Ken
"Well, why stop there? Let's stream it live"
Dr. Ken
"so my cousins in San Jose can watch."
Dr. Ken
"They're always asking me what I'm up to."
Dr. Ken
"So, your prostate's healthy."
Dr. Ken
"140/90. That's a little high."
Dr. Ken
"Of course it's high."
Dr. Ken
"I just had a co-worker treat me like a hand puppet."
Dr. Ken
"And your pulse is 110 beats per minute."
Dr. Ken
"And your EKG shows tachycardia with PVCs."
Dr. Ken
"Boop-boo."
Dr. Ken
"I'm sending you home"
Dr. Ken
"with a Holter heart monitor to wear overnight."
Dr. Ken
"Just being thorough."
Dr. Ken
"I guess I should be grateful"
Dr. Ken
"Oh! Thanks for reminding me!"
Dr. Ken
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