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Clips from Mr. Mayor - #PalmTreeReform (S01E01)

"Using codes on license plates,"
Mr. Mayor
"aliens taught us how to impregnate palm trees"
Mr. Mayor
"and create a super race."
Mr. Mayor
"- Oh, my God, this city."
Mr. Mayor
"- This is my son... - What--"
Mr. Mayor
"- And we're very litigious."
Mr. Mayor
"- Mr. Mayor, you're gonna destroy Los Angeles."
Mr. Mayor
"- And the universe. - [laughs]"
Mr. Mayor
"I'm just asking you to-- take that off my table."
Mr. Mayor
"I'm just asking you to consider."
Mr. Mayor
"That's all I'm asking from you. - Uh-uh."
Mr. Mayor
"We are not playing your little game, it's insane."
Mr. Mayor
"And frankly, you're being a total psycho."
Mr. Mayor
"- I'm a psycho? - Mm."
Mr. Mayor
"- Huh. - Hella psycho."
Mr. Mayor
"What? I'm an L.A. rabbi."
Mr. Mayor
"- Dad, do you have the Postmates password?"
Mr. Mayor
"The food here is, like, subhuman."
Mr. Mayor
"- Sorry this meeting's taking so long."
Mr. Mayor
"It's a disaster."
Mr. Mayor
"I'm so glad I didn't invite Arpi."
Mr. Mayor
"- Wait, Arpi is the one you didn't invite?"
Mr. Mayor
"- Hey, do me a favor."
Mr. Mayor
"Take my phone, order whatever you want."
Mr. Mayor
"We're downtown, so it's mostly bulk meat, but it's good."
Mr. Mayor
"- Dad, palm trees are, like, Arpi's thing."
Mr. Mayor
"She had a whole binder. It had color-coded tabs."
Mr. Mayor
"- Sweetie, I know you think"
Mr. Mayor
"this is toxic Boomer-linity or whatever."
Mr. Mayor
"But do not say anything to Arpi, okay?"
Mr. Mayor
"I gotta go."
Mr. Mayor
"[light music]"
Mr. Mayor
"♪"
Mr. Mayor
"- Mikaela, are we jealous?"
Mr. Mayor
"- Of my sister's baby? No, we're both cute."
Mr. Mayor
"It's not a competition unless she makes it a competition."
Mr. Mayor
"- No, of Jayden."
Mr. Mayor
"Was he right?"
Mr. Mayor
"I mean, I don't want kids per se,"
Mr. Mayor
"but I always thought that by now I'd at least have, like,"
Mr. Mayor
"a French bulldog and an at-risk teen"
Mr. Mayor
"I keep forgetting to mentor. - Yeah."
Mr. Mayor
"Jayden is supposed to be here"
Mr. Mayor
"to make me feel better about myself."
Mr. Mayor
"Now he's got a kid,"
Mr. Mayor
"and he gets his hair to curl like that without any product?"
Mr. Mayor
"- You know, we said we were just looking out for him,"
Mr. Mayor
"but if that were really true, would we have stopped"
Mr. Mayor
"looking out just 'cause he got mad at us?"
Mr. Mayor
"♪"
Mr. Mayor
"both: When was L.A. Comic-Con?"
Mr. Mayor
"Why would I know?"
Mr. Mayor
"'Cause Chris Pine is sometimes there."
Mr. Mayor
"- Deputy Mayor Meskimen. - Orly."
Mr. Mayor
"Tell your old man I'm almost done here."
Mr. Mayor
"He asked me to find every mention"
Mr. Mayor
"of the word "tree" in the city charter."
Mr. Mayor
"I found two, one of which was a typo for "three.""
Mr. Mayor
"- You were Olivia S. at the bowling party."
Mr. Mayor
"- Is that a Netflix show about sexy teen suicide or..."
Mr. Mayor
"- My dad is trying to distract you"
Mr. Mayor
"so that you don't go to his palm tree meeting."
Mr. Mayor
"It's happening right now."
Mr. Mayor
"- Relational aggression."
Mr. Mayor
"[suspenseful music]"
Mr. Mayor
"Orly, thank you for having my back."
Mr. Mayor
"The future is female."
Mr. Mayor
"- Actually, gender is a construct,"
Mr. Mayor
"but I'm still rooting for you."
Mr. Mayor
"- Look, palm fronds don't kill people."
Mr. Mayor
"Gravity kills people."
Mr. Mayor
"- Only if you let it, human."
Mr. Mayor
"Free your mind. - Okay."
Mr. Mayor
"- Mr. Mayor, without the palm trees--"
Mr. Mayor
"- In the pandemic--"
Mr. Mayor
"[talking over each other]"
Mr. Mayor
"- We're off track here."
Mr. Mayor
"- All right, I'm gonna need you all to do two types of ups:"
Mr. Mayor
"shut and listen."
Mr. Mayor
"- Arpi, please, please calm down."
Mr. Mayor
"- Oh, it's too late for that, sir."
Mr. Mayor
"If you wanted calm Arpi,"
Mr. Mayor
"you should have invited her to the meeting."
Mr. Mayor
"Now you get fired-up,"
Mr. Mayor
"ineptly swearing Arpi, you bitch craps."
Mr. Mayor
"- If I may-- - You mayn't."
Mr. Mayor
"This excessive concern"
Mr. Mayor
"with palm trees that you have is a sickness."
Mr. Mayor
"They are not even endemic to Los Angeles."
Mr. Mayor
"Nothing is."
Mr. Mayor
"Not grass, not water,"
Mr. Mayor
"and don't get me started on people."
Mr. Mayor
"- You think human beings shouldn't be here?"
Mr. Mayor
"- You know what the native tribes call this region?"
Mr. Mayor
"Nothing! Because they knew better"
Mr. Mayor
"than to try to live here."
Mr. Mayor
"I say we return L.A. to its vacant desert state,"
Mr. Mayor
"and give it back to the mini wolves."
Mr. Mayor
"Howl if you're with me."
Mr. Mayor
"[howling]"
Mr. Mayor
"."
Mr. Mayor
"- Hey, I said you're not invited, okay?"
Mr. Mayor
"So have a slice of cake, decorate a onesie,"
Mr. Mayor
"hug me, and then go. - It's okay."
Mr. Mayor
"We're just here to drop off the new paperwork."
Mr. Mayor
"[light music]"
Mr. Mayor
"- Where did you get that from? - We took it off your desk"
Mr. Mayor
"during the half hour you were in the bathroom."
Mr. Mayor
"- Because I have problems urinating."
Mr. Mayor
"- It shows a fetal development of eight weeks, tops."
Mr. Mayor
"But L.A. Comic-Con was three months ago,"
Mr. Mayor
"over a month before that was made."
Mr. Mayor
"- But that's impossible because of time."
Mr. Mayor
"But when I was at Comic-Con, I got my picture taken"
Mr. Mayor
"inside the "Back to the Future" DeLorean."
Mr. Mayor
"So maybe-- - Oh, my God!"
Mr. Mayor
"Just forget it."
Mr. Mayor
"You're not the father, okay?"
Mr. Mayor
"- What? No!"
Mr. Mayor
"No, my proposal is off the table."
Mr. Mayor
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